Monday, March 28, 2011

Our Friend... Global Warming

I would like to thank everyone who has made this moment possible.  This is the day that I hoped, but never dreamed, would come true.

This is the day I learned that the National Geographic published an article stating that "greenhouse gases...are heating up the atmosphere to such an extent that the next ice age, predicted to be the deepest in millions of years, may be postponed indefinitely." 

Yes, you read the preceeding correctly.  Scientists (real scientists with clipboards) have developed computer models which indicate that the Earth is preparing to move into a new state wherein 'permanent ice sheets' will shroud much of Canada, Europe, and Asia. 

However, the ice cover will be 'postponed' by...  (Drumroll please) 

Global warming! 

This is not to say that the 'icing' of the Earth will be 'good', since they are predicting about two miles of ice on top of the spot where I am currently writing this post.  The GOOD news is that they are predicting ONLY two miles of ice, versus, what I can only assume (since they don't mention it in the article) something like ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-SEVEN miles of ice (I, ah, made this number up).

I have a few problems with the article.  Simply stated, I, your friendly MoosRoom Blog Guy, am confused.  Like really, really confused.  Allow me to condense the reasons for my dementia into a simple listing of quotes to illustrate my cognitive dissonance after re-reading the article about eleven times.  The following are actual excerpts from the National Geographic article (excerpts are in "Quotes"):
"But the idea that global warming may be staving off an ice age is "not cause for relaxing, because we're actually moving into a highly unusual climate state," Crowley added."   (Note:  Oh, oh, that sounds bad.  Really bad.  I especially do not like the whole 'highly unusual climate state' part.)

"I think the present [carbon dioxide] levels are probably sufficient to prevent that (permanent ice sheets 2 miles thick over your head) from ever happening," said Crowley, whose study will appear tomorrow in the journal Nature.  (Note:  No ice age!  Yay, you folks go ahead and keep doing what you've been doing (for the last 2,000+ years!)  Nice job!)

"The researchers found that between 10,000 and 100,000 years from now, Earth would enter into a period of permanent ice sheets—more severe than any seen in millions of years.(Note:  Hey, but Doc Crowley said, "No way!".  Didn't you guys read the two quotes above?  Come on, you're quoted in the same article!  Dudes, you're killing me!)

"Though this extreme ice age would be unusual, so is the climate that people are creating by emitting huge amounts of greenhouse gases, Crowley said (global warming fast facts)."

"It's hard to say what's going to happen," Crowley said. "The very fact that you have this nonglacial [warming] atmosphere with polar ice caps [still present], presents a bizarre scenario.  (Note:  Hey, Doc, but you said...  NOW you're saying that there WILL be lots of 'Love on the rocks'?  Come on, it's science.  It is either correct, or it's not.  You can't have two 'Hypotheses' for the same set of variables.  Can you!?)

Okay, let's go to an 'Expert'

Prehistoric-climate expert Lorraine Lisiecki said, "This is the only study of which I am aware that suggests the next ice age could be much more extreme than those of the previous one million years ago."   (Note:  So does Dr. Lisiecki HAVE an opinion?  An opinion of her own?  Keep reading...)

But she (Lisiecki) agreed that we 'might never find out what would have happened naturally, due to human-caused global warming'.  (Note:  She has no opinion of her own because WE are alive and messed up HER calculations.)

"Current greenhouse gas concentrations are probably similar to those that occurred three million years ago and are high enough to prevent an ice age for hundreds of thousands of years," she said.  (Note:  No, hold on, she DOES have an opinion!  'Greenhouse gas concentrations are probably similar to those that occurred three million years ago...'   Yeah, when dinosaurs drove SUV's and 'Extincted' themselves by burning each other as 'fossil fuel'.)  

Okay, to sum up 'scientifically':
  • We MAY have no more ice ages for a very long time - Yay!
  • We MAY have ice ages MUCH more severe than the planet has experienced ever before - Boo!
  • Dinosaurs produced, and burned, fossil fuels (and drove SUV's) - Boo!  (And Yay! because I want to see dinos drive again in the future, or past, whatever!)
  • This ice-borne apocalypse ONLY 10,000 to 100,000 years away!   (FREAK at any time.  Again, this is both a Boo!  And, a Yay! event.  Boo because it could happen in MY lifetime, and Yay because I could die long before the 10,000 years are up)
What YOU can do to make a positive impact on the future:
  • Buy a really powerful SUV with a ice-breaking drill mounted to the front of it.  Don't forget the cool 'Deck mounted machine gun option' in case you run into 'Ice Mutants' or 'Canadians' looking for the beach).  Stud those tires because it's going to be 'hard' to climb up that two-mile high sheet of ice sliding towards your home in 12,008AD
  • Purchase a really good (and really LONG) extended warranty agreement on your vehicle (Duration?  Oh, 10 to 100 thousand years should cover it)
  • Warn everyone you know about this impending disaster (more disasters coming next week, but this disaster is THIS WEEK's disaster)
  • Remember, without a solid Hypothesis and evidence there is no science.  There is only guessing.  (Or, thinking back to when you were little...  "Making stuff up")
  • Oh yeah, and have a good week (while you can...)
If you would like to read the actual article, you may do so by clicking the following link:  National Geographic

Next week's disaster:  World ends on December 21st, 2012!  (Oh, and forget THIS week's disaster because, well, the reality is that you'll never see it because we're all gone in less than one and a half years when the Earth shifts on its axis and you find yourself living in "Nuevo Atlantis" (with the fish))

I'd better not wait too long to post that blog, because there's not a lot of time left to worry...
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