Monday, December 31, 2012

2012, The Year In Review (Re-Moo?) First Six Months

2012 - Ah, yes, this most EXCELLENT year is coming to and end with an even MORE excellent year is queuing up at midnight tonight...

Yes, I KNOW - it should have been the final year for the Obama Presidency.  Yet, at the direction of the People (apparently, most of whom should not be allowed to drive a motorized vehicle, yet alone 'vote') President Barack Obama has an additional four years to do, um, whatever it is, he plans to do.  (But don't worry, you'll find out soon enough.  Oh, and if you were planning on purchasing a weapon for personal, or home defense, NOW would be a good time to do that...  We did.)  

Prepare to embrace another four years of the Fundamental Transformation of the United States of America!


But hey, enough of my well-founded and well-documented healthy distrust of President Obama's vision of America.  It's time to get back to the topic at hand - this year's edition of 2012 The Year in Review!!!  (In two installments - as I'd like to enjoy New Years' too...) 

It's time spend a few minutes looking back at the Posts (Ghosts?) of 2012 and speculate as to what NEXT year holds for all of US.

January - Did you ever wonder what inspired Margaret Sanger to create that 'warm and fuzzy' organization known as "Planned Parenthood"? 

Well I did, and with more than 11 months of showers behind me, I still feel soiled (a.k.a.: 'oogey') about what I found in her writings.  A word of caution here, you may want to go out and buy your soap (a lot of it) in advance of reading the following post at the link below. 

You can read all about:

  • Why the 'Great War' was a GOOD thing!
  • Why the Poor should not be allowed to procreate!
  • Why Margaret Sanger and Adolf Hitler are currently sharing a cafe table in Hell...  Together!!!

All these answers (and more) can be found in "Meet Maggie!"

February - Remember how someone in the White House decided that American Kids should be eating healthier?  Remember how kids in school districts across the country began selling 'Contraband' food to their classmates at lunch time so that they wouldn't have to eat the Healthier Lunch Program items?  Yeah, me too. 

However, the story that didn't receive quite so much coverage was of a child whose Mother packed her lunch only to be told by school Cafeteria Workers that the lunch was not 'adequate' for the child and that she HAD to purchase a school lunch...  Which included Chicken McNugget 'knock-offs'. 

Only problem is, she didn't WANT them. 

When I first looked into this story, I was surprised that Lunch Nazis had the ability to determine what your kids eat under Department of Health and Human Services guidelines - what surprised me even more was the other things I found when I went looking for 'school lunch stories' online.  It was at this point that I found out WHAT your kids are being fed under the watchful eye of clipboard-carrying Federal Inspectors of the USDA. 

You can read it in its entirety by clicking here:  "Eat Me"

March - Before we knew Sandra Fluke was going to be one of the folks in consideration for TIME Magazine's 'Person of the Year'.  I had a bit of fun at her expense, mostly because she made the case for the Obama Administration for putting the cost of birth control at MY (and your) 'expense' via ObamaCare legislation (effectively neutering the right of religious organizations to 'Just say NO' to paying for birth control). 

This, of course, was LONG before I learned that 'Fluke' is pronounced, 'Fluck', so as not to be confused with a bottom-dwelling, worm-eating fish. 

No, that's not HER at all...

You can read the rest of the post by clicking here:  "Sandra Fluke Opens Up"

April - President Obama seems to have issues when it comes to the United States having three 'co-equal' branches of government.  I continue to find this 'odd' as I heard he taught law and was a Constitutional 'scholar' prior to becoming the junior Senator from Illinois.  

With a bit of digging, it didn't take long before I found another President operating under a similar premise as our current POTUS (thinking that the three branches of government are merely a singular 'trunk' operating at his sole discretion). 

The difference between this President and the former discussed in the post is that there were Americans who stood up and demanded that the President obey the base tenets of the Constitution back then.  Today, the Courts and Congress pretty much sit back and watch as their powers are usurped.  Not too clever for organizations made up of the 'Smartest Legal Guys / Gals' in the room...

You can read the post at:  The FDR 'Channel' 

May -   EV's are HOT!!!  To the acronym-challenged (I fall into this category) the 'EV' stands for 'Electric Vehicle' category of automobiles.  Yes, we've long heard the virtues of electric vehicles, 'going green', saving the Planet, saving the Baby Whales, saving the Harp Seals, saving our entire ecosystem via the use of low-emissions, carbon-friendly electric cars and now, the promise of BIG THINGS from EV's have come to pass!

Yes, your Federal Tax Dollars have been used to place big bets on US-based businesses in Detroit (and Finland - one of the 57 states that Candidate Obama visited) to bring you the absolute BEST in electric transportation for the future!!!

Only one teensy-wheensy-teenie-tiny problem... 

EV's are so hot, they're burning their owner's homes down.  I wrote the following post back in May, prior to SuperStorm Sandy.  All things being equal, I should have waited to write the post - you see, when you 'flood' Karma Fiskers they don't burst into flames...  They explode dramatically!!!

You'll find the post here:  "More Bad Karma"

June - This final installment for the first half of 2012 is one of my favorite posts.  Not because it's particularly insightful but rather,just because it's so darn 'down homey' and such. 

Yes, back in June of 2012, if you contributed to the Obama re-election campaign, you could register to win a 'Date Night' with President and Mrs. Obama!!! 

Gee, doesn't THAT sound swell?!?! 

No, I didn't win, but some lucky stiff must have had a grand old time dining with the Obama's!  Only problem is, I guess, is that since President Obama took office - your personal slice of the 'Debt Pie' has increased by about $30,000 per household (last June's numbers - six months later we're in the $42k per household range.)

The post, in its entirety, can be found here:  "Swallow Hard"

Well, that's it for me today - I've got to do 'stuff' to prepare for this New Year's Eve extravaganza!  (a.k.a.:  De-icing the driveway (for the third time in two days) and figuring out what to cook for dinner)

I wish all of you a Happy New Year as we close out 2012. 

Good riddance.

Next year will be a LOT better...

How do I know? 

If you've survived the past four, the next four will be 'very similar'.  You're still kicking, right?  Come on, they say that the best revenge is 'Living well'. 

So, start 'Living'!!!  Best wishes to you and yours for the New Year - have fun (it ticks 'them' off)!



Thursday, December 27, 2012

Move Over Chittenango Ovate Amber Snail, You've Got Competition

Chittenango Ovate Amber Snail - 'Threatened' in NY State

Behold the 'Threatened' Chittenango Ovate Amber Snail!  While you can, any way...  

This cuddly little slime dragger is on the New York State endangered species list.  My only hope is that someday soon its name be replaced by the Emerald Ash Borer Beetle

Bye, bye Emerald Ash Beetle, you miserable little insect...  Long life to you, Chittenango Ovate Amber Snail!!!  

December 27, 2012:  I woke this morning to find that 'Euclid' has pretty much blown itself out during the night as I slept.  The sound of rain and wind that lulled me to sleep on Wednesday evening has moved on.  While my Mom, Dad, Wife, and two-thirds of my Kids continue to sleep on this overcast Thursday Morning I find myself once again at the keyboard of my trusty Gateway laptop - just in time to read of another storm. 

This is a storm from which none of us will escape in our lifetimes.  A storm of our own making; a tempest of our own design.  One which we have earned after fifty years of continual effort.  As I turn my head away from the whine of the fan in the old PC I can hear the thrum of the not-to-distant storm approaching from all sides.  

I'm not talking about the Fiscal Cliff (and let me be the first to say, "Enjoy the ride!" as we all go down together) but rather another man-made unnatural disaster:   
The disappearance of Fathers throughout the Nation

The threatened "Americanus Dadus" and "Cuteous Daughterous Maximus"

Once believed to be a renewable natural resource, 'Fathers' are disappearing at an alarming rate from the American Family landscape.  I wrote about this originally back in mid-2011 in a post entitled, "The Late, Great Society" .  I sourced some charts from the folks at, added a bit of commentary, inserted a photo of a cute little girl getting ready to serve up a 'Poop Sandwich' and viola -- a post was born! 

(Moos Note:  Okay, admittedly the 'Poop Sandwich' was NOT entirely necessary, however it was extremely appropriate to the post as the government's been cooking them up for you 24x7 for almost Five decades!  Yumm-O!)

I take no comfort knowing that almost two years later...  Nothing has gotten better.  In fact, according to the article I read this morning on the site, my original post was chocked full of "Sunshine and Butterflies" compared to the actual state of 'Dadhood' today... 

From the Washington Times online, December 25, 2012, by Luke Rosiak: 

Nicole Hawkins‘ three daughters have matching glittery boots, but none has the same father. Each has uniquely colored ties in her hair, but none has a dad present in her life.

As another single mother on Sumner Road decked her row-house stoop with Christmas lights and a plastic Santa, Ms. Hawkins recalled that her middle child’s father has never spent a holiday or birthday with her. In her neighborhood in Southeast Washington, 1 in 10 children live with both parents, and 84 percent live with only their mother.

In every state, the portion of families where children have two parents, rather than one, has dropped significantly over the past decade. Even as the country added 160,000 families with children, the number of two-parent households decreased by 1.2 million. Fifteen million U.S. children, or 1 in 3, live without a father, and nearly 5 million live without a mother. In 1960, just 11 percent of American children lived in homes without fathers.

America is awash in poverty, crime, drugs and other problems, but more than perhaps anything else, it all comes down to this, said Vincent DiCaro, vice president of the National Fatherhood Initiative: Deal with absent fathers, and the rest follows.

Dangerous spiral

The spiral continues each year. Married couples with children have an average income of $80,000, compared with $24,000 for single mothers.

“We have one class that thinks marriage and fatherhood is important, and another which doesn’t, and it’s causing that gap, income inequality, to get wider,” Mr. DiCaro said.

The predilection among men to walk away from their babies is concentrated in the inner cities. In Baltimore, 38 percent of families have two parents, and in St. Louis the portion is 40 percent.

The near-total absence of male role models has ripped a hole the size of half the population in urban areas.

Among blacks, nearly 5 million children, or 54 percent, live with only their mother. Twelve percent of black families below the poverty line have two parents present, compared with 41 percent of impoverished Hispanic families and 32 percent of poor white families.

The schism is most apparent in the District, which has a higher portion of two-parent families among whites, at 85 percent, and a lower share among blacks, at 25 percent, than any state.

In all but 11 states, most black children do not live with both parents. In every state, 7 in 10 white children do. In all states but Rhode Island and Massachusetts, most Hispanic children do. In Wisconsin, 77 percent of white children and 61 percent of Hispanics live with both parents, compared with more than 25 percent of black children...

The bottom line is, of course, that after almost 50 years of well-meaning politicians and caring DC-based Folks spending BILLIONS to 'solve the poverty problem' in America...

We (or more specifically, 'they') have simply made matters worse by allowing the 'Government' to take the place of the 'Man' in the historical family relationship.  Fatherhood is no longer the cultural 'norm' in vast sections of America.  In fact, the 'Father' may soon appear right up there next to the Chittenango Ovate Amber Snail with his status listed as, 'Threatened', on the Nation's endangered species list. 

The question I have is this:  Are the 'Old Rich White guys' of 1776 still considered America's Founding Fathers in 2012? 

Or, will they simply be referred to in future history books as "The Nation's Baby Daddies"?

I honestly don't know. 

The only thing that I do know is that when I began posting this I was sitting at the kitchen table by myself with all the lights off as my family slept.  A couple of hours, one shower, and one big hunk of German Apple Ring (the powdered sugar looks good on my sweatshirt) later I'm sitting at the same oval table with my parents, my wife, two of my kids and the two dogs circling the table waiting for SOMETHING to drop to the floor (preferably a hunk of my German Apple Ring).  Better luck next time Fuzzies...

Two days past Christmas and I am once again reminded of how lucky I am.

I only wish that our Nation might have some similar 'good luck' for a change.  This WOULD be change I could believe in.  I'm not sure that this year's 'FORWARD!' is our best theme for the New Year as it portends continual progression along the current path we find ourselves on. 

Given that I am viewed by many others as an old, White guy (sorry, NOT rich - and less so in 2013), would it be wrong for me to nominate the word, 'Backward' as the theme for 2013? 

You know, back to a time when men (and women) lived up to their responsibilities as parents to raise their kids together?  Back to the days when you had to PAY for your contraception 'gear' when you KNEW you were ready to run the 'risk' of being a parent?  You know, back before it was 'all good' to sow your seed willy nilly with whomever you could 'hook up with'?   

Sorry to offend anyone (ah, not really), but like I said, I'm an old White Guy (and an actual Father to our three sons).  Sometimes I do find myself yearning for the past as I stare wide-eyed into the gaping maw of our anticipated future. 

But hey, that's just me.   

Happy New Years folks, and best wishes for 2013! 

See ya on the other side of the cliff...

"Have a nice trip...  Next Fall!"  (Ultimate Rank Out from 1973)

No Chittenango Ovate Amber Snails were injured in the generation of this post.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

My Christmas Story

Must keep things in their proper perspective...

Everyone has a special Christmas Story, or Christmas tradition that they want to hand down to their kids.

This is mine.

I am 9 years-old. My Mom brings me to the local 5 and 10 (WAY before WalMart) to pick up a few late-minute Christmas items for the family. I am in the store fewer than two minutes when I see it.   It is red.   It is shiny.   It is meant to be mine.   It is meant to be under our tree - with MY name on it.

It is, of course, the Uncle Sam's Cash Register Bank

(The 'poke your eye out when you fall on it sharp metal nub' on my version was replaced by the impressive 'too wide' red 'puller-thing' shown here...)

It SINGS to me. It calls to me from across the store. I alone must possess it...

There are still a couple of weeks before Christmas, right? And ONLY $7.99?!?! How can my Mom turn me down? I've mentioned before that I have been in Sales for most of my adult life. What I haven't mentioned is that most people who are in Sales in their adult life, started out much earlier in their life, being, 'In Sales'.

Here's the dialogue, as best as I remember it, at least...

Me, "Mom, do you see IT?!"

Mom, "I'm sorry, do I see WHAT?"

Me, "The THING, the THING over THERE...! Can't you see IT?", I say pointing to the shelf that holds my hope for 'Christmas yet to come'.

Mom, "Oh, well, it isn't on your list for Santa, now is it?"

My hopes fall but I quickly recover and press the point further, "But Mom, how could I know?"

Mom, "Know what?"

Me, "That something this WONDERFUL; besides you (Mom), of course... Ever existed? I've never seen anything like it in all of my life. It's, it's... beautiful..." My voice trailed off as my eyes welled with tears all the while staring un-blinkingly at the object of desire.

Mom, "But you know, I think that Santa has already gotten your gifts all ready to go on his sleigh. It's too late to let him know about this now..."

Me, "But Mom, it's the ONE thing I truly want... AND, it will teach me how to be responsible with money.  You always say that I need to understand money better, right? It will TEACH me financial responsibility. Look, it even has a display that will tell me how much money I save; and saving money is really important! Right?"

Mom, "Well, I know, but..."

Me, "Mom, I WANT to be responsible! I WANT to save my money! I WANT to be like you and Dad! You guys are my heroes!"

Mom, "Umm..."

[The first overt sign of weakness, she is beginning to fold, now for the clincher...]

Me, "Mom, I WANT you to be proud of me, as I am proud of you and Dad. You guys are the best parents ever. I want to grow up to be a good; NO, I want to be a GREAT parent too - like both you and Dad are."

Mom, "Well, we already have gifts for you from us, and your Grandparents, and your brother, how can I get you this too?   It wouldn't be fair to your brother..."

[Rats, hadn't thought of that. Show no weakness, keep moving forward... Head down, keep moving...]

Me, "Mom?"

Mom, "Yes, Michael?"

Me, "Santa delivers gifts Christmas early morning right?"

Mom, "Yes, he does. Why do you ask, because you already know that..."

Me, "Well, I'm thinking;  what if we buy this bank, wrap it in Christmas wrapping paper, and slide it under the tree early Christmas morning before anyone else wakes up?

What if we put a gift tag on it that said?:

To: Mike

From: Santa

This way, no one will ever know that we bought the gift here, today, this very moment?"

Mom said, with the hint of a smile crossing her face, "Well, I don't know..."

Me, "Mom, we'll be the ONLY ones who will know! It can work. No! It WILL work! We can do this..."

Mom, "Okay, but it's just between the two of us."

Me, "You've got it Mom, you are the BEST!"

Christmas morning comes and there is an extra gift stashed way back under the tree. It has my name on it. It wis an Uncle Sam's Cash Register Bank. The tag says that it is from the jolly ol' elf himself, 'Santa Claus'. I love Santa. I love my Mom. I love the entire World this Christmas morning.

I still have the bank. It still works. My kids have asked me for it for years, but it's mine, I got it from my Mom.  It's still in my room in the house I grew up in. 

On Christmas morning I still love the entire World, in spite of all of its warts. Christmas is the one day you can still believe in magic. If you stretch out that magic for more than one day I believe that you will be truly happy.

In our family there is at least one gift under the tree each year tagged as follows,

To: Mike
From: Santa

There is also a gift under the tree tagged,


To: Gail
From: Santa
This is the tradition that I have passed to my family and now I pass it to you. 
This year, next year, just 'some' year, buy something special for yourself. Buy something for yourself that you know no one else would buy for you and tag it simply,

To: ____________

From: Santa
You've been good all year, you know it, I know it, and Santa knows it too...

Merry Christmas folks,


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Holiday Safety Tips!!!

"Haaaaaaappy Holidays, Haaaaaaappy Holidays!!!
Have a Screaming Good Christmas!!!"

Keeping with the Moos of the Day blog's LONG tradition (May 2008!) of providing important safety information, I have just come across Moos that I wanted to get out to you immediately. 

The following concerns an actual news story written by actual Medical Doctors in Great Britain (really, it is, NOT kidding). Please continue reading for the sake of your children (and your childrens' children).

Doctors in the United Kingdom have issued a scary warning to parents of children (BOY children) in anticipation of the Christmas holiday's travels.

That warning?

This holiday season...

Keep that toilet seat lid up!


Yes, after extensive research (involving four young English boys and a six-pack of Guinness), medical doctors have determined that EVERY boy between the ages of 2 and 4 years old runs the risk of crushing his 'winky' if he is holding the toilet seat up while urinating into a toilet. The study references the fact that ornamental toilet seats (shown below) are heavier than newer, environmentally-disasterous-fossil-fuel-based-plastic seats and could do considerable damage to the young man if the seat were to fall down onto the child's unprotected 'winky'.

This is a BAD toilet seat, any way you look at it (from above, OR below)...

Please make sure that when you are traveling with small children that you immediately check out the toilet to make sure that it is safe for your child. 

The following tips are provided by the article (I'm not making any of these up) and are posted here as guidelines for you (as well as for the safety of your child):

*Parents should consider using toilet seats that fall slowly and with reduced momentum, which would reduce the risk and degree of injury.

*Heavier toilet seats could be banned(?) in houses with male infants.

*Households with male infants should consider leaving the toilet seat up after use, even though it contradicts the social norm of putting it down. 

[Left unsaid, of course, is the half-awake small boy falling into the toilet and flushing himself to Washington, DC...  Another political nightmare just waiting to unfold...]

*Parents could educate their toddlers to hold the toilet seat up with one hand while urinating. 

*During such a feat, parents should keep an eye on toddlers until the toddler can do this by himself.

I do have several recommendations that I would like to throw into the mix, you know, in the name of 'Safety'. 

Please keep in mind that I am here to help YOU eliminate some of the trauma associated with adolescent urination...

1. Encourage your male children to urinate outside whenever possible. This saves water and gives your grass that sought-after 'healthy green glow' all year long!

2. In the winter, improve your child's 'penmanship' by challenging them to write their names neatly in the snow (in cursive). The success of this venture, of course, is partly determined by the complexity of your child's name. 

'Mike Kane' was relatively easy as a kid (it still is, now that I think about it) as it consists of only eight letters. Conversely, Terrence Winston Casey, III presents a much larger challenge (and requirement of a much larger bladder).

3. Throw caution to the wind and encourage your male children to be a 'setter' when they relieve themselves (Number 1 AND Number 2) if you have a heavy toilet seat lid. 

This will be a HUGE problem when they use the restroom in high school, but come on, they've got to get beaten up sooner or later, right? Might as well get it out of the way on Day One of their Freshman Year!

So I guess the real message here is to tell your kids to be careful when they're 'doing their business'. 

According to the article it appears that these docs in the U.K. want to BAN certain types of toilet seats.  Come on, where's the challenge THERE???  Hey, instead of banning toilet seats, why don't we get (and keep) parents involved with properly training their kids how to, 'Make wee wee in the potty?!'  I know, I'm out on a limb here, but you never know, it could work... 

Bottom line is that boys need to take matters into their own hands, and do the job properly.

Sheesh, the next thing these 'caring guys in white lab coats' are going to do is request a ban on 'Lawn Darts'! 

Come on, everybody loves 'Lawn Darts'!


Nothing more fun than a rousing game of 'Toss the Sharp Heavy Metal
Spike Up Into the Air (and RUN for your life) Game' of Jarts!
Most of us survived 'Jarts' (but I do miss George Cahill...) 

I would be remiss not to mention the joy of also surviving: Riding in cars without seat belts, riding in cars without 'child' car seats, sitting on our parent's lap while they were driving, lighting model ships on fire with lighter fluid to re-create the conflaguration scene from "Tora, Tora, Tora!" and, my personal favorite, riding with my friend Steve Helinski along the back roads of Long Island while he pretended that his 1968 GTO was a Star Trek "Shuttle Craft". (For the record, it was NOT my idea, and it didn't turn out so well, but I'm still here to write about it -- so, if nothing else, it was another valuable life-lesson learned!)

I guess the thing that caught my eye in the article was the fact that here we have more well-meaning individuals looking to make folks a little more 'careful' (a.k.a.: 'Anxious'). I'm sure that they really had the best of intentions in publishing their study (remember - 4 boys), but perhaps they should have dug a little deeper to determine exactly how many boys between the ages of 2 and 4 are dropping seats on their 'winkies'! If it's ALL of them, then this is great information to be aware of.  If it's one kid in several thousand, shoot, that's nothing to get worked up about.   

If it's 4 out of the entire male population in the U.K., well, we'd better find something more 'statistically significant' to dwell upon. For example, the chances of an asteroid hitting me square on top of my head continues to be a major concern to me. If I could get some research here, I would feel really good (or maybe not) about this.

So Moms and Dads across the vast and mighty U.S.; raise those seats (or not) and have your sons play a rousing game of 'Sink the Sub' (you can send me a note and I will explain) next time they have to go Number 1. J

ust make sure that they don't drop the durn seat and cut you off from ever having Grandchildren.

You'll find the original article here:  Hey, did you just hear a 'thud' (and a blood-curdling scream)?

Let's all be Wee Wee safe this holiday travel season!

Merry Christmas...

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Ed Asner's New Gig... Hate.

Please ignore the "Jolly old Elf" version of Ed Asner pictured in the photo above.  Mr. Asner has added a new character to his varied acting and voice-over career to include that of a cartoonish, yet darker, little old man; that of a "Hate Monger". 

Yes, I know it's hard to hear someone refer to a guy who played Santa a "H.M.", but given the situation, I'm not sure of which other phrase or descriptive term may adequately capture the essence of the man I met on the radio yesterday while driving in my car.  Am I correct in my assessment, or am I once again being 'wacky' and all, 'right wing extreme'? 

I'll let you be the judge.

Let's take a second to get a clear understanding of what a "Hate Monger" is.  Hey, I didn't invent the phrase, so let's see what the nice folks at the Oxford Dictionaries Online have to say...

1a.  Definitional Section of the post explaining the phrase, "hate-mongering":

adjective - (especially of speech or writing) arousing or intended to arouse feelings of hatred: inflammatory, hate-mongering rhetoric

 noun - the arousal of feelings of hatred using speech or writing: hate-mongering and incitement to violence

1b.  "Visual Aid" Section B of the "Ed Asner's New Gig...  Hate." post:

1c. "Visual Aid" Section C of the "Ed Asner's New Gig... Hate." post featuring the words of the Ed Asner himself:

Link:  Tax the Rich: An animated fairy tale

Okay, a couple of things, just so we understand each other:

First, why does Ed Asner feel the need to urinate on the 'People'?  And HOW is he doing it?  Personally, I haven't urinated successfully on anyone in YEARS (not for a lack of trying), but rather, because my 'stream' is not as vigorous as it once was.  And if I'm having a hard time reaching a stationary target at MY age?  Well, I'm thinking that Ed (at 106 years old) may not have enough gusto to get much further than his fly during the actual 'elimination' event.  I wouldn't be surprised if dust shot out the end of the thing instead of warm, sterile (yes it's true) fluid from Ed 'Water Boy' Asner's winkie.  And THIS is why it's a cartoon vs. an actual 'video'.  No 106 year old guy can whiz like that without 'video augmentation'.  (Not to mention that it would be difficult to find live people wanting to be 'rained' on by Santa...)

Second, while there will be those Liberal Progressive folks who will say that "The video was a gag, it was intended to be a JOKE - you guys on the Right aren't even smart enough to see the humor in it."  I beg to differ, I know a little bit about humor and this thing doesn't have ANY humor in it.  It's offensive, it's misleading, and it's what we've come to expect from the folks on the Left.  

Liberal MOTTO:  "Even when you WIN, act like a loser (with nothing to lose)."

Third, which should actually have been First, but I had to get Ed's 'winkie' into the post early lest folks drop off by this point:  I wonder why this seven minute clip is a cartoon, geared for little kids?  Seriously, this thing looks like some demented cast off from School House Rock (too bad Ed didn't sing in this one - this would have made it a little 'funny' at least). 

So then the goal is to teach kids very early in life to HATE people who are a success through their own efforts, ingenuity, and, yes, it happens...  Good fortune?  Because as many Progressive folks and Socialists have taught us in the past, when it comes to hate, there is NO age restriction and younger is 'betterer'.

Another little reported fact about this video is that it was produced by the California Federation of Teachers.  Odd that a group presumably intended to educate our children should chose THIS message to promote at THIS time.  Hatred is learned - and this group knows how to teach.  They know a lot about early childhood education. 

"Oh, Heil to you kids too!  Wait a minute, you're not Boy Scouts!  Get out of my Post!!!"

Ed Asner lends his voice to Disney's wonderful film, "Up", as well as this seven minute bit of jetsom from the California Federation of Teachers' cartoon (a.k.a.: "Up YOURS").  The video is meant to make Socialism look 'most excellent' and ramp up hatred of Capitalists in America (just MY opinion of course, but after all, it's my blog post).  None of this should really be a surprise, it's been done before. 

We find ourselves reliving history because we no longer teach history - we teach f-a-i-r-n-e-s-s (a.k.a. Social Justice).  Throughout history we have learned that Fairness makes everyone 'equally submissive' (and repressed) by whichever 'all powerful' lunatics are running the joint.
Okay, who snuck the picture of THESE guys in here???  Certainly
I'm not talking about THEM...
Then of course, America flies its bravest in and rescues the oppressed from under the thumb of the Dictator du jour.

Only problem is...  Who's coming to save US?

Holy cow, I hope Canada (or GASP - Mexico?) has an Air Force, or we're in deep doo doo. 

Ah, don't sweat it, this video clip MUST be a gag right?  Why else would Ed (I'm a Millionaire) Asner be spouting off against the rich?  He's not into self-loathing, is he?  Is he a Mary-Tyler-Masochist? 

What?  You don't believe that Ed Asner is a Millionaire?  You doubt ME???  Oh ye of little faith... reports:  What’s Ed Asner’s net worth? Ed Asner is an American actor with a net worth of $1.5 million. He acquired his net worth by becoming a television, film, stage and as a voice actor.

Yeah, perhaps the Liberal folks above were right, I'm not smart enough to see the brilliance of this heartwarming little film.

TRIVIAL PURSUIT SECTION OF THE POST:  What is Ed Asner's favorite song? 

"Dust In the Wind"

I don't care what you say, no way Ed could hit these folks at his age. 

Well, I guess he could have his Nurse throw his moist 'Depends' at them...  Close enough for government work. 

Freaking idiots.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

R.I.P. Bazooka Joe (1952-2012)

November 30, 2012:  Bazooka Joe, long-time spokesperson for Topps Gum has died.  He and his family (his Gang) of comic characters:  Mort, Pesky, Jane, Hungrie Herman, Toughie and Walkie Talkie (for the love of God, Topps killed the friendly neighborhood dog too!) have each reportedly been 'put down' by The Topps Company, Inc. due to 'poor market performance'.

Cause(s) of death(s) include:  Poor sales, traditional conservative values (I actually READ this in a story moments ago), an obnoxiously PINK gum which tastes uncanily like carpet retrieved from the floor of a taxi-cab following New Year's Eve, a target audience which can not 'read' comics, and a general inability to 'rap' effectively.  This latter attribute was crucially important in an attempt to garner market share of minority youths living in inner-cities and illiterate Whites living in suburbs sporting crooked ball caps and jeans which fall scant millimeters north of the 'MBC' ('majoris buttus crackus').   

There are no surviving members of the Bazooka Joe family.  America mourns the loss of this one-eyed Comic Giant, his gang, his neighborhood dog, and our Nation's collective innocence.

Services for the group have not officially been scheduled as yet by the WEALTHY 1% MURDERERS at Topps Company, Inc.  However, the Obama Administration will provide FREE Grief Counseling to those adversely affected by this heinous act of marketing violence. 

You can check for mental health counseling services by visiting White House . gov  for complete information on Minority Mental Health month (founded, July, 2012). 

[However, you are NOT a Minority, you are completely on your own.  Live with that Bazooka Joe bereavement pain (Sucka!) and if you NEED to move on, adopt a dog.  If you do adopt a stray animal PLEASE do not name him 'Walkie Talkie' as it is embarrassing for YOU and your pet.]

Contributions can be made in lieu of flowers to the Obama 2016 re-election campaign fund, Hillary Clinton, Treasurer.       

Yes, America has lost another icon. 

Several weeks ago we lost the legendary 'Twinkie the Kid'...

Today we lose Bazooka Joe (and His Gang):

When will the senseless killing of products and spokes'toons' end?


Remember just a few weeks ago when we took SO many things for granted? 

Remember when we KNEW that ANY Golden Retriever (my dog 'Kelly' could not run, she is too old - 74 in People Years) could beat the incumbent President? 

Yeah, so what happened THERE???  

Okay, so let me ask you another question: 

How many of us chuckled at the following when we first heard it?

Q.:  What are the only two things in nature which will survive the aftermath of a nuclear war?

A.:  Cockroaches and Twinkies.

How many of us KNEW that Twinkies couldn't withstand a SINGLE Obama Term?  What might this bode for the Second FULL Term of the President and our favorite 'foods' (and their mascots)?

Regardless, the relentless Mayan Doomsday Calendar chunks inexorably onward.  It moves all of us towards the inevitable 'End of Days' (COMING SOON TO A TOWN NEAR YOU!) on December 21, 2012. 

Yes, I no sooner finish mourning the demise of my beloved 'twin-wrapped-delectable-fluff-filled-spongy-treats' to awake this morning to the death of another friend of my childhood, Bazooka Joe. 

Sure, we used to eat the comic strip wax paper and throw the remaining rectangular gum 'briquets' at passing cars as we rode our bikes 'upstreet', but come on, all things considered, it was a happier time.  It was a simpler time.  It was a time in which our Nation was 'going to the moon', we were 'going to win in Vietnam', and we were going to 'fix poverty' - FOREVER. 

Well, one out of three ain't bad.

I will NOT, however, blame the demise of Bazooka Joe entirely on the Obama Administration.  Sure, you COULD make the case that it's harder to afford 5 CENT gum than it used to be, but this is not the lone reason for Joe's passing. 

The death of Bazooka Joe sits squarely on the head of The Topps Company, Inc. management.  After all, which marketing genius at the company believed they would attract more gum purchasers by updating 'Joe' and giving him his own 'Bubble Gum Rap'? 

Yeah, way to read your Marketing Demographics Corporate "Temple of Pure Thought Dudes".  In the future you might want to spend a bit less time analyzing your analytics and more time tasting your freaking product. 

Seriously, Rappin' Bazooka Joe?  Schazizzel! 

Nothing like hiding a 'Rapping Joe' inside a Bazooka wrapper designed when Eisenhower was President

That's akin to putting a 40" LED 1080p TV Monitor into a 'DuMont' TV box and hoping someone guesses what's in there.

"Matching legs at no extra cost!"

Ah, now that I think about it, I guess that it's okay that Joe goes.  The boy and his friends had a good run of almost sixty years. 

My only regret is that I can't write a similar post about President Obama and his comic gang of characters, "Bazooka Joe Biden", "Hillary Jane Clinton", "Steven Pesty Chu", "Harry Mort Reid" and "Susan Herman Rice"  following our most-recent elections.

Sooner or later America 'gets it right' regardless of the packaging, the marketing, and the lack of quality in the product itself.  But if I'm looking at President Obama when he's one hundred years old and still sitting in the White House?  Me and him are gonna mix it up on the North Lawn.  Gums or no gums...

This character and his gang need to follow Twinkie the Kid and Bazooka Joe into the sunset.  Before our Nation does.

But that's just me.  I'm most likely a Racist (so I've been told). 


FREE ADVICE:  Since the world ends in fewer than three weeks buy everything you can on LONG TERM credit!  It'll stimulate the Economy, allow President Obama's administration to go out with a real approval BANG!, AND it will make your loved ones happy.

MORE FREE ADVICE:  This year you might want to celebrate Christmas on December 20th, just so your family gets a chance to enjoy the gifts for the 24-hours remaining. 

YET MORE FREE ADVICE:  Take FREE ADVICE for what you paid for it. 

I'm 99.97% sure the world does NOT end in fewer than three weeks, but if it DOES...  Can someone buy me a 2013 Ford Fusion Titanium (Sport Blue) with EcoBoost engine, Leather, and the Moon & Tune package?  Just please get it to me by Monday of this week so I can enjoy it for a bit before, well, you know...

Thanks, that'd be swell...

You folks are the best!