Friday, March 20, 2009

I Think, Therefore I Eat

I knew it. I knew there must be a reason that I can't lose weight. It's because I 'think' (and in my case, I apparently think TOO much). Moments ago I came across an article, a SCIENTIFIC article, published in the journal, "Psycomsomatic Medicine" which puts forth the hypothesis (please note the use of another SCIENTIFIC word) that "Intellectual activities make people eat more than when they are resting". Oh yeah, science I can embrace (like a 12" meatball parmigiana sub with fries, cole slaw, and dessert at the Parkway Diner for $5.99 (not including drink, tax, or gratuity))!

Finally, a news story that I can 'wrap my teeth' around.

This 'Extensive Study' (14 people) concluded that if you spend time 'thinking', you will eat approximately 29% MORE calories than folks who are just sitting around doing nothing (referred to in the article, as 'Couch Potatoes' (another scientific term)).

However, in Sixth Grade Science class I vividly remember that one group was called the 'CONTROL' group and the other group was called the 'KAOS' group. Why can't 'real' scientists can't get this scientific terminology correct?.

Digression Alert:

Could this explain the significant weight losses seen in both Houses of Congress over the past two years? To TEST this particular hypothesis we'll need to get at least half of the members of Congress to DO something and the other half to do NOTHING at all. Nah, it would never work. Well, in actuality, it will work about 50% of the time since they pretty much do nothing on a regular basis.

Digression Alert Ends...

Bottom-line is that if you THINK, your brain requires (eats) glucose. Your brain (being made entirely of green cheese) cannot manufacture glucose itself. Your brain (which gets hungrier when working on a task) requires a constant supply of the glucose and has to get it from somewhere. Your body manufactures the glu-stuff from the breakdown of carbohydrates and sends glucose to the brain via the bloodstream.

Carbs, as anyone who has ever owned a newspaper, magazine, or TV can tell you, are bad bits of 'stuff' which a man called, Dr. Atkins, tried to eliminate from America's vocabulary and dinner table (Dr. Atkins was gunned down by a lone 'Carb' in a darkened alley several years ago).

I've got to end the post now because the more I think about what to write next, the hungrier I get. Speaking for myself, I plan on not thinking too much about anything for the rest of my life. I may not accomplish anything in my life, may not have any money in the bank, and may not solve 'Global Warming', but... I'll look GOOD in my casket.

For a complete SCIENTIFIC overview of this study (as written for the general public), please click the following link: Science - Real Tasty Science.

If you'd like to save yourself a little reading, here is an actual quote from the article: "And of course, eating more can make you fat." Yeah, it's written for the general public (the scientists assume we all have the IQ of a Northern Pintail Pornographic Duck) so it's dumbed-down quite a bit. I guess they don't want us to 'get fat' after reading it.

I'm thinking I'm done now. I'm thinking I'm hungry. I'm thinking there's too much thinking going on...

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SHUTTING DOWN COGNITIVE FUNCTIONS IN: 3, 2, 1...
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