Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Barack, Meet Bill

The Bill Of Rights (as approved by the TSA)

If you plan on watching the President's State of the Union Speech this evening, please take a moment to check out the Rights granted to you by courtesy of a series of Amendments to the Constitution known as the "Bill of Rights". 

No, not the redacted Rights (above) granted by the TSA,  but, rather, the ACTUAL Bill of Rights, given to you by a bunch of old White guys who cared more about your Freedom than the man currently serving as the President, the Commander In Chief, the Leader in Absentia, President Barack Hussein Obama [APPLAUSE]!

If you find the President violating ANY of your Rights during this evening's speech, please feel free to print out the following listing and check off the violations put forth by the Teleprompter, um, er, President.  Put a nice big X on any Amendment he's trampled upon this evening while he's re-hashing speeches of the past two years.  

For Example (por ejemplo):

  • Government taking over private industries?
  • Government running guns into Mexico to promote 'Gun Control'?
  • Government mandating that you buy health care insurance from them (or anyone)?
  • Government telling you what you may, or may not, eat?
  • Government working for the good of Unions at the expense of the private sector?
  • Government monitoring / managing the exchange of information on the Internet?

Tomorrow, or later tonight (if you can't sleep), please submit your "Violations to the Bill of Rights As Outlined In the State of the Union Speech 2012" and send them to me here.  

My mailing address is:

1234 Anywhere But Here Drive
Mootown, MOO  60609

This, of course is not my ACTUAL address, as providing an actual address would inspire Crazies from across the country to seek me out and hurt me (all in the name of 'fairness').  Well, at least they would TRY to hurt me.  Luckily for me I used to be big and strong, now I'm only, well, you know; 'big' (still not sure if this is a 'good thing' or not...).  

In closing, please refer to the following for your complete, your guaranteed, your God-given (oops, now I AM in trouble - 'Crazy Alert' Begins NOW!) Rights as granted to you via the first Ten Amendments to The Constitution. 

Ladies, Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, I present to you - The Bill of Rights 
(President Obama read the Cliff Notes' Version - but for the rest of us, here they are in their entirety!!!) 

The Preamble to The Bill of Rights

Congress of the United States begun and held at the City of New-York, on Wednesday the fourth of March, one thousand seven hundred and eighty nine.

THE Conventions of a number of the States, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best ensure the beneficent ends of its institution.

RESOLVED by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following Articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several States, as amendments to the Constitution of the United States, all, or any of which Articles, when ratified by three fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of the said Constitution; viz.
ARTICLES in addition to, and Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, proposed by Congress, and ratified by the Legislatures of the several States, pursuant to the fifth Article of the original Constitution.

Note: The following text is a transcription of the first ten amendments to the Constitution in their original form. These amendments were ratified December 15, 1791, and form what is known as the "Bill of Rights."

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

Amendment VII
In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.    

If you read and understood the above Amendments - congratulations, you're an informed American Citizen! 

If you have not read, or understood the above? 

Perhaps one day you can be President! 

A word of warning though...  To get the 'nod', you'll have to be a Progressive Liberal Democrat.  Unless of course, you're Bernie Sanders, I, VT, in which case you'll have to be a card-carrying Socialist Democrat.  In Democrat-speak - that's a Weapons Grade Democrat... 

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

“We have been expecting businesses to provide health insurance coverage, but is this fair?  Or, should health insurance be like education, a public responsibility?” -- Bernie Sanders

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