Friday, April 1, 2011

"The Pill" vs. Bill

CBS News - Need I say more? 

I went to the CBS 'Early Show' site because of a story that I missed this morning (I had to get to work and I couldn't wait through 6 minutes of commercials for the actual report).  I was hoping to get some background on a story that they 'teased' viewers with about a topic that we are ALL interested in. 

That topic?  "Do birth control pills impact a woman's ability to choose the appropriate 'mate'?" 

Yeah, for once, I actually wanted to do REAL research!  I don't research anything, but I was ready to do it this one time - for you. 

Ah, but the story wasn't available online.  So all I have is my idle imagination to tell me how it may have gone, had I actually seen it (and yes, I am making all of the following up, CBS News said none of the following (well, at least I hope they didn't)):

Reporter:  "So you are single?"

Woman:  "Yes, I am."

Reporter:  "How old are you?"

Woman:  "I'm old enough to not want to answer that question."

Reporter:  "Well, ah, are you currently taking birth control pills?"

Woman:  "Yes I am."

Reporter:  "And as a single woman of a non-specific age, what are your experiences with 'The Pill'?"

Woman:  "Huh?"  

Reporter:  "Well, as a single woman on 'The Pill', do you feel that you have made some bad dating decisions while on 'The Pill'?"

Woman:  "Oh, oh, yes I have made some very bad dating decisions while on 'The Pill'."

Reporter:  "And why do you think that you've made these bad decisions?"

Woman:  "I'm not sure, but when I take 'The Pill', I date people that I normally wouldn't - and I don't know why."

Reporter:  "Such as?"

Woman:  "Well, as an example, I'm currently dating Bill."

Reporter:  "And what about Bill?

Woman:  "You see that pile of rags over there in the recliner?"  The woman points off camera to a recliner so the reporter can follow her gaze.

Reporter:  "Yes, I do."

Woman:  "That's Bill."

Reporter:  "Really?  I thought that was a pile of rags with a small fuzzy dog lying on top of it..."

Woman:  "Yes, that's my Bill.  I met him a week ago.  He seemed really nice, but now, I think he only seemed nice because of 'The Pill' and how it has affected my 'hormonal balance'."

Reporter:  "So what you're saying is that 'The Pill' made you choose, 'Bill'?"

Woman:  "Well, I'm not sure.  I think so.  But he is a funny guy, and I really like that..."

Reporter:  "So what do you do now?"

Woman:  "You know, as I look over at Bill with his fuzzy face and that little bit of drool running down into his beard - he is pretty cute."

Reporter:  "Is this you, or 'The Pill' talking?"

Woman:  "I don't know.  I just don't know anymore...  But when your producer called me and told me that whoever I"m dating is because of 'The Pill', well, I just thought..."  The woman's voice trails off as she looks lovingly in Bill's direction. 

Reporter:  "As you can plainly see, this woman's life has been torn apart by 'The Pill'.  Bad lifestyle choices, bad 'mate' choices, all influenced by this evil spawn of the money-grabbing Pharmaceutical Companies!"

Woman:  "Well, actually, my life is pretty good; and I really do like Bill a lot.  I could even grow to love him..."

Reporter:  "You're so messed up, you don't know what's good for you!  You've been corrupted by 'The Pill'!"

Woman:  "Really?"

Reporter:  "Trust me, you've lost your very soul and your life been twisted by big Drugs, big Oil, big Business, big..."

Woman:  "Big oil, big business?  What are you talking about?"

Reporter:  "Listen honey, I work for CBS News, and I know what's wrong with you!"

Woman:  "Yeah, me too."

Reporter:  "Good, I'm glad that I've been able to open your eyes!"

Woman:  "Yes, me too!"

Reporter:  "This is Nancy Smith, reporting live on a scene with a woman who has just seen the light about 'The Pill'.  Tomorrow we'll focus on women who have gotten engaged to men that are 'no good' after driving cars powered by gasoline.  You won't want to miss this expose' on the evils of petroleum.  Goodbye for now..."

Woman:  "Bill, wake up honey, I've got some trash for you to take out..."

Okay, like I said at the onset, I didn't see the report, but when CBS News starts telling women (even in 'teaser' spots) that they may have made 'bad' decisions about their 'mates', or 'spouses' because of 'the Pill'... 

Where do they get off? 

Are they looking for more relationships and marriages to fail because they want 50% of our population to think that they were 'medicated' into a relationship / marriage? 

Shoot, I give MY wife reasons to ditch me (98% of which are not on purpose, by the way) on a daily basis; I don't need any help messing up my relationship courtesy of CBS News...

If / when I find the actual segment from the show, I'll post it here, but in the meanwhile... 

Enjoy your life - and your decisions. 

Who cares (other than CBS and WebMD) whether you were on 'the pill' when you met and fell in love with your boyfriend, significant other, husband, or whatever other politically correct words apply here. 

This post is not written about 'The Pill'.  I wanted to poke fun at CBS News for creating news to 'mess up your day'.  Lord knows with the Middle East on fire, Budget debates, HUGE Deficit Spending, and the economy continuing to falter, there's just not much of anything else out there to report... 

Maybe one day though, there will be important issues to discuss.  (Like the adverse effects of driving a gas powered vehicle which caused YOU to get engaged (to Mr., or Ms. 'Wrong') - coming soon to a small screen near you!)

Have a TV-Free Day!  Probably a good day to go for a walk and clear out your sinuses!

Feel free to click the following 'big font' link here for the report:  Why Guys Stink
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