Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives

I wrote the following post back in 2008. 

I was so much younger then...

Okay, I never intended this to be a ‘Political Blog’.   I 'mostly' leave political issues for the ‘big brain’ folks at CNN, CBS, HSN, and Fox News to hash things out for themselves.  However, last evening I was snookered by a Press Staff Guy whom for the sake of anonymity we will call, Doug Schneider. 

Before I dive head-long into this post let me state a couple of thoughts; ground rules, if you will:
  1. I believe that Liberal and Conservative folks each want the ‘best’ for our country
  2. I assume that each group has very different ideas as to how to accomplish their desired end result
  3. I believe that we ALL love our country and want the best for it
  4. I believe updating this in 2011, that I may have been wrong, at minimum, in one of the three preceding assumptions
Okay, ground rules being laid, here is my entrĂ©e into ‘Political Blogging’

Most political ‘pundits’ (a Greek word meaning, “He / She who is a political hack with an attitude and no ‘regulator’ between his brain and his or her mouth”) spend a LOT of time cruising from network to network to articulate the difference between his / her ideology (or candidate) and the ‘Other Guys’ ideology (or candidate). 

Roughly translated, the pundit’s message consists mostly of, “Why the ‘Other Guy’ is a knucklehead who shouldn’t be allowed to cut his own food, drive his own vehicle, and for the love of Heaven, vote for his / her obviously flawed plan, or flawed candidate.” 

I will now attempt to identify the single greatest difference between Liberals and Conservatives.  It may be difficult to grasp the immensity of the concept, but I assure you that I have put much research into it over my many years of ‘punditry’ (since roughly 9:02 pm last evening when our hypothetical ‘Doug’ dragged me into a conversation that I had no place being in in the first place). 

Get ready to learn the difference between Liberals and Conservatives… 

The difference between the two groups is: ‘What they do to their cars.’  

Yes, the most visible example that I can give you to keep folks neatly in their own ‘little group’ is to provide you with the following, cutting-edge, pundit-like, advice: 

Liberals LOVE to put stickers on painted surfaces of their cars, conversely, Conservatives would just rather go through life mostly un-noticed. 

I offer the following examples to illustrate this point: 

'Liberal' Cars:
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Another Liberal Car:
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Still Another Liberal Car:
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CAT Scan of a Head / Brain (Okay, who put the Brain picture in the post?)
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In contrast, I offer a photo of the typical Conservative's Car:
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Well, I'll grant you that the 'Bunny Kit' was most likely a Dealer-Added Aftermarket Item (DAAI), but you get the idea.  Conservatives just want to be un-noticed, except apparently, around Easter. 

So the next time you're driving down the road and you're following a car WITHOUT bumper stickers, you are following a Conservative (but not necessarily a John McCain supporter, because John McCain is NOT a Conservative.  To a Conservative, he's not even REALLY a Republican -- but I digress).

If you are following a car that looks like this... 
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You're probably following either William Shatner or Bill (William) Gates (Hmm, both named 'William'?  Coincidence, I think not...  I think they could be the same man.  Have you ever seen them together at the same time?  Yeah, me neither...).

If the car in front of you features the following bumper sticker, wave to Barack and Michelle as you pass!
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So now you know the real difference between Conservatives and Liberals. 

Use this information wisely as you cruise the highways and byways of this great country.  But keep in mind that we are all Americans, and we all want America to succeed, regardless of, or perhaps, in spite of, Presidential Election results. 

Whether you're 'stickered up' or 'sticker free' there's more in common with the guy next to you than there are differences between you.  And if you're driving a car with lots of stickers, you stay left, and I'll stay right.  Because one of us has to be RIGHT (oh, I am so s-moooooo-th...).

And I don't believe that Hillary 'likes to eats (nice grammar, huh?) kittens for snacks'...  I just thought the bumper sticker was funny, but I know SOMEBODY out there is going to take it the wrong way and I'm going to get in trouble again, and it's all our fictional 'Doug's' fault for getting me thinking about politics, and things political.

If you don't vote in November, you can't complain about the outcome of the election. 

If you do vote in November, vote for William Shatner, he has a really cool car. 

And HE always comes back...
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Sorry Ricky... 

Remember, vote early, and vote often! 

'Often Voting option' Offer only valid in Illinois where even the 'dead' vote frequently...
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