Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Meet Your New - Tax Consultant!

Hey America!!!

Looking for someone to prepare your tax returns?

Looking for a person who is good with 'Numbers'?

(He / she is 'wearing' numbers, after all!)

Looking for a person who's available ALL the time? 

(During normal visitation hours)

Looking to (possibly) meet your perfect mate?!?! 

(I hear it happens!)

Well LOOK no more!!!

I have FOUND your perfect Tax-Preparation--With-High-Availability (Romance-is-Possible) Partner!!!

Some Ivy League Accounting School?  Nah, that would be too expensive.

Your local H&R Block Office?  Well, maybe, if the post I put on FaceBook a few moments ago comes to fruition.

Okay, no more guessing!

You can find your Tax Preparation (and possible 'Life-Mate') at your local...  [Drumroll]
State Penal Institution!
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Yes, I stumbled across a story on The Dailer Caller which states that 50,000 inmates have filed Income Tax Returns WITHOUT any wage (earnings) documentation.  If approved, these returns would provide $130,000,000 in Federal refunds to people, who presumably, will buy a LOT of cigarettes and DingDongs from the 'Cart' as it rattles along the Green Mile (sorry, had to go there).

In a report to be released at the end of 2010, 'presumably fraudulent claims' in 2010 increased over 50% since 2009.  In fact, the IRS has 'identified' nearly 250,000 fraudulent tax returns from prison inmates - totalling $1,480,000,000 (as in "$1.48BILLION) in bogus filing requests.

From the article on The Daily Caller:

“While the IRS is identifying larger numbers of fraudulent returns, improvements must be made to its screening processes to ensure that returns filed by prisoners get adequate scrutiny,” said J. Russell George, the Treasury inspector general for tax administration. “Expanded and expedited access to wage and withholding information would significantly increase the IRS’s ability to verify information reported on a tax return when processed, and prevent fraud.”

The IRS issued a statement saying the agency takes refund fraud seriously and aggressively fights it.

“The IRS is very successful at detecting and stopping incorrect refunds, including criminal refund fraud, and overall prevents 98 percent of questionable claims from being issued,” the statement said.

The ANSWER to the problem of bogus prison filings? 

Wait for it...

You already know what it is... 

Continuing from the article online:
“However, without congressional action to require state and federal prisons to report the status of inmates to the IRS, there will be gaps in the prison data and compliance problems will persist,” the IRS said in its statement.Yes, if only we had MORE government.  Wouldn't this make the world a better place?

So anyway, getting back to the original premise of this post, since these folks are filing income tax returns anyway, why not sub-contract them out to H&R Block and shut down all those little offices in strip malls across the country? 


Just think about it for a moment... 

We'd reduce our carbon footprint by shuttering these rent-a-tax-guy spots in malls across the country!

You'd know where your tax guy / gal IS 'most' of the time! 

He / she would have standardized visiting hours across the state!

You're already 'paying he / she' to bask in the luxury of their heated-cooled-cabled resort complex so you'd get your taxes done - for free!

And, the greatest benefit of all...

IF your incarcerated Tax Advisor CHEATS on YOUR taxes - you don't go to jail!  He (or she) gets an extra six months' sentence added to whatever conviction sentences are facing them today!

It's a WIN, WIN, WIN scenario!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, allow me to introduce to you the NEW face of Pre-Paid Tax Preparation in America...

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Bernie says, "I'll take care of YOUR money like it was MY money.  (Because it's ALL my money)"

Oh, forgot to mention, with the increasing number of illegal aliens in prison?  'Translation Services' for non-English speaking Americans -- FREE!

I'll be sending a link to this post to the White House today. 

I think it's a great idea!!!

How 'bout you?
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