Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Join the NEW Moo-vement!

Why settle for these old, worn out titles?
"6 Percent-ers"

Okay, probably need to set things up a bit here:

First, I believe that Osama Bin Laden is 'no more'.

Second, I believe that he was killed in Pakistan

Third, Pretty much all other facts reported by the Admininstration are up for grabs...

Here's the thing:  Everything about the announcements coming from of the White House since Sunday evening has seemed too 'Perfect' to me - stereotypically 'Perfect', even. 

Please indulge me for a moment, okay? 


We have heard that Osama (or Usama depending on the network reporting) was found in his 'Mansion-like' home in Pakistan just a stone's throw away from a bunch of retired Pakistani Generals, Colonels, and other "High Ranking" folks either currently serving in, or formerly serving in Pakistan's Military.  He was also 'just down the road a-ways' from the Pakistani equivalent (so I'm told) of West Point.  

Helicopters swoop in (all except one, which has technical difficulties), land at the property, Seals pour out of the choppers like water out a colendar, burst into the Compound, tell the residents to "Give up or we shoot" (the residents, apparently, do not give up) chaos ensues, they end up on the third-floor of the stucture with Osama Bin Laden hiding behind his wife (using her as a human shield), the Seals open fire, effectively turning the lights off for all eternity for Public Enemy #1.  

The team carries his body back to the choppers, take off, travel a while, land on an aircraft carrier (um, somewhere - I assume it was floating in some body of water nearby), obtain his DNA (Ewwwwww), clean his wounds, wrap him in white linen, say a few words as part of a sensitive Islamic religious service, then lower he and a weighted-down pallet into the sea where he can presumably do no more further harm than giving indigestion to some un-suspecting shark dining upon the corpse.

It's much too 'scripted' to me.  I've read Tom Clancy - this all sounded 'familiar'... 

It's what I thought on Monday, and it's moreso as I type this today during my quickly-expiring lunch hour.  Okay, let's cut out the 'spurious language' and boil it down to the nuts and bolts version:
  • "Dead or Alive, you're coming with us!"  BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM!!!! [Gunfire]
  • Bin Laden hides behind his wife for cover, they are both killed in the exchange of fire
  • ONLY his body is removed from the compound, flown to the awaiting Carrier
  • He's cleaned up and buried within hours of his demise
Then, of course, there's these 'inconvenient truths', I found on Politico today:

The White House backed away Monday evening from key details in its narrative about the raid that killed Osama bin Laden, including claims by senior U.S. officials that the Al Qaeda leader had a weapon and may have fired it during a gun battle with U.S. forces.

Officials also retreated from claims that one of bin Laden’s wives was killed in the raid and that bin Laden was using her as a human shield before she was shot by U.S. forces.


At a televised White House briefing Monday afternoon, Deputy National Security Adviser John Brennan said bin Laden joined in the fight that several residents of the Abbottabad, Pakistan, compound put up against the Navy SEALs during the 40-minute operation.

“He [bin Laden] was engaged in a firefight with those that entered the area of the house he was in. And whether or not he got off any rounds, I quite frankly don’t know,” Brennan said.

At a Pentagon briefing earlier in the day, a senior defense official said bin Laden used a woman as a human shield so he could fire shots. “He was firing behind her,” the official said.

Another White House official familiar with the TV briefing confirmed the change to POLITICO, adding, “I’m not aware of him having a weapon.”

“The bottom line is the team that entered that room was met with resistance and took appropriate action,” said a third American official.

The White House on Monday night declined to elaborate on the nature of the resistance bin Laden allegedly put up. However, an official confirmed that the Al Qaeda founder was shot twice, once in the head and once in the chest.
“A different guy’s wife was killed,” a different official familiar with the briefing for TV reporters said Monday night. Bin Laden’s wife was “injured but not killed,” the official said.

Another official familiar with the operation said it did not appear that any woman was used as a human shield, but that the woman killed and the one injured were hurt in the crossfire.

“Two women were shot here. It sounds like their fates were mixed up,” said the U.S. official. “This is hours old and the full facts are still being ascertained as those involved are debriefed.”

The White House didn’t offer a reason for any of the changes. However, Brennan noted during his televised briefing that his information came from reports from the scene as well as live video feeds of the raid. I wasn’t there,” he said.

Okay, so I WASN'T THERE either, but I'm wondering, given the number of discrepancies over the past 48 hours - was ANYONE there who remembers ANYTHING? 

I saw the President, Joe Biden, and Hillary Clinton WATCHING the thing unfold via wireless video and audio - what don't THEY know, and WHEN didn't they know it?

And, why weren't THEY filling us in on the details if this guy can't remember 'Nuthin'?

Next Up:  Here comes the 'Gotcha'...
If the President is going to get pushed into releasing the death photos of OBL (or 'UBL'), will they be the 'oogey bloody' ones, or the 'nights in White Linen' cleaned-up versions? 

Because if they're too 'oogey' we're going to have a bunch of Muslim folks even more upset with us than they already are (although, this is pretty hard to imagine).  If they're 'too clean' and life-like in appearance - no one will believe he's dead on Main Street, USA. 

On this one, I believe the President will 'lose' either way.  Not because we don't believe the military, but rather, because we don't believe the veracity of the statements coming out of the White House thus far regarding this neatly-wrapped bit of story-telling.  It's only been 48 hours and the story continues to 'Morph' daily. 

It is with this in mind that I'd like to begin a NEW Secret Conspiracy Organization... 
(Or 'NSCO', if you're into acronyms)

I am a 'Proofer'

From now on, no matter what this Administration (or any Administration, for that matter) tells me, I want, simply stated... 


I'm assuming that I'll be able to absorb the competing factions of 'Birthers' and 'Truthers' into my  group because all us NUT JOBS need to stick together. 

I was having a conversation with one of the guys in my office yesterday (he's ex-Navy) and he told me that he also thought that the story thus far sounded a bit too 'manufactured' for public consumption also. 

I then proceeded to tell him that approximately six percent of the American Public still does not believe that we landed men on the moon.  He got really quiet, sat down, and looked at me 'square in the eye'. 

"So, you think if we had a really powerful telescope and we aimed it at the moon that we'd see that flag sitting up there on a pole?"

"Sure we would!" I said.

"I dont' think so." he responded.

Okay, so now there are TWO of us!

You too, can join the Moo-vement!

Adding you into the mix (take the original two of us and add you, that'll be)...

This'll make our moo-vement 'several thousand strong'!
(According to the most stringently verifiable government estimates...)

No human shields were utilized in the generation of this post.  Although, my dog looks nervous sitting next to me on the floor here...  I wonder what SHE's got to hide???

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