Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Join the NEW Moo-vement!

Why settle for these old, worn out titles?
"Birthers"
"Truthers"
"6 Percent-ers"

Okay, probably need to set things up a bit here:

First, I believe that Osama Bin Laden is 'no more'.

Second, I believe that he was killed in Pakistan

Third, Pretty much all other facts reported by the Admininstration are up for grabs...

Here's the thing:  Everything about the announcements coming from of the White House since Sunday evening has seemed too 'Perfect' to me - stereotypically 'Perfect', even. 

Please indulge me for a moment, okay? 

Thanks.

We have heard that Osama (or Usama depending on the network reporting) was found in his 'Mansion-like' home in Pakistan just a stone's throw away from a bunch of retired Pakistani Generals, Colonels, and other "High Ranking" folks either currently serving in, or formerly serving in Pakistan's Military.  He was also 'just down the road a-ways' from the Pakistani equivalent (so I'm told) of West Point.  

Helicopters swoop in (all except one, which has technical difficulties), land at the property, Seals pour out of the choppers like water out a colendar, burst into the Compound, tell the residents to "Give up or we shoot" (the residents, apparently, do not give up) chaos ensues, they end up on the third-floor of the stucture with Osama Bin Laden hiding behind his wife (using her as a human shield), the Seals open fire, effectively turning the lights off for all eternity for Public Enemy #1.  

The team carries his body back to the choppers, take off, travel a while, land on an aircraft carrier (um, somewhere - I assume it was floating in some body of water nearby), obtain his DNA (Ewwwwww), clean his wounds, wrap him in white linen, say a few words as part of a sensitive Islamic religious service, then lower he and a weighted-down pallet into the sea where he can presumably do no more further harm than giving indigestion to some un-suspecting shark dining upon the corpse.

It's much too 'scripted' to me.  I've read Tom Clancy - this all sounded 'familiar'... 

It's what I thought on Monday, and it's moreso as I type this today during my quickly-expiring lunch hour.  Okay, let's cut out the 'spurious language' and boil it down to the nuts and bolts version:
  • "Dead or Alive, you're coming with us!"  BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM!!!! [Gunfire]
  • Bin Laden hides behind his wife for cover, they are both killed in the exchange of fire
  • ONLY his body is removed from the compound, flown to the awaiting Carrier
  • He's cleaned up and buried within hours of his demise
Then, of course, there's these 'inconvenient truths', I found on Politico today:

The White House backed away Monday evening from key details in its narrative about the raid that killed Osama bin Laden, including claims by senior U.S. officials that the Al Qaeda leader had a weapon and may have fired it during a gun battle with U.S. forces.

Officials also retreated from claims that one of bin Laden’s wives was killed in the raid and that bin Laden was using her as a human shield before she was shot by U.S. forces.

...

At a televised White House briefing Monday afternoon, Deputy National Security Adviser John Brennan said bin Laden joined in the fight that several residents of the Abbottabad, Pakistan, compound put up against the Navy SEALs during the 40-minute operation.

“He [bin Laden] was engaged in a firefight with those that entered the area of the house he was in. And whether or not he got off any rounds, I quite frankly don’t know,” Brennan said.

At a Pentagon briefing earlier in the day, a senior defense official said bin Laden used a woman as a human shield so he could fire shots. “He was firing behind her,” the official said.

...
Another White House official familiar with the TV briefing confirmed the change to POLITICO, adding, “I’m not aware of him having a weapon.”

“The bottom line is the team that entered that room was met with resistance and took appropriate action,” said a third American official.

The White House on Monday night declined to elaborate on the nature of the resistance bin Laden allegedly put up. However, an official confirmed that the Al Qaeda founder was shot twice, once in the head and once in the chest.
...
“A different guy’s wife was killed,” a different official familiar with the briefing for TV reporters said Monday night. Bin Laden’s wife was “injured but not killed,” the official said.

Another official familiar with the operation said it did not appear that any woman was used as a human shield, but that the woman killed and the one injured were hurt in the crossfire.

“Two women were shot here. It sounds like their fates were mixed up,” said the U.S. official. “This is hours old and the full facts are still being ascertained as those involved are debriefed.”

The White House didn’t offer a reason for any of the changes. However, Brennan noted during his televised briefing that his information came from reports from the scene as well as live video feeds of the raid. I wasn’t there,” he said.

Okay, so I WASN'T THERE either, but I'm wondering, given the number of discrepancies over the past 48 hours - was ANYONE there who remembers ANYTHING? 

I saw the President, Joe Biden, and Hillary Clinton WATCHING the thing unfold via wireless video and audio - what don't THEY know, and WHEN didn't they know it?

And, why weren't THEY filling us in on the details if this guy can't remember 'Nuthin'?


Next Up:  Here comes the 'Gotcha'...
If the President is going to get pushed into releasing the death photos of OBL (or 'UBL'), will they be the 'oogey bloody' ones, or the 'nights in White Linen' cleaned-up versions? 

Because if they're too 'oogey' we're going to have a bunch of Muslim folks even more upset with us than they already are (although, this is pretty hard to imagine).  If they're 'too clean' and life-like in appearance - no one will believe he's dead on Main Street, USA. 

On this one, I believe the President will 'lose' either way.  Not because we don't believe the military, but rather, because we don't believe the veracity of the statements coming out of the White House thus far regarding this neatly-wrapped bit of story-telling.  It's only been 48 hours and the story continues to 'Morph' daily. 

It is with this in mind that I'd like to begin a NEW Secret Conspiracy Organization... 
(Or 'NSCO', if you're into acronyms)

I am a 'Proofer'

From now on, no matter what this Administration (or any Administration, for that matter) tells me, I want, simply stated... 

'Proof' 

I'm assuming that I'll be able to absorb the competing factions of 'Birthers' and 'Truthers' into my  group because all us NUT JOBS need to stick together. 

I was having a conversation with one of the guys in my office yesterday (he's ex-Navy) and he told me that he also thought that the story thus far sounded a bit too 'manufactured' for public consumption also. 

I then proceeded to tell him that approximately six percent of the American Public still does not believe that we landed men on the moon.  He got really quiet, sat down, and looked at me 'square in the eye'. 

"So, you think if we had a really powerful telescope and we aimed it at the moon that we'd see that flag sitting up there on a pole?"

"Sure we would!" I said.

"I dont' think so." he responded.

Okay, so now there are TWO of us!

You too, can join the Moo-vement!

Adding you into the mix (take the original two of us and add you, that'll be)...

This'll make our moo-vement 'several thousand strong'!
(According to the most stringently verifiable government estimates...)

No human shields were utilized in the generation of this post.  Although, my dog looks nervous sitting next to me on the floor here...  I wonder what SHE's got to hide???


6 comments:

Montana said...

Our president had already showed his US passport to;
1. Get a Passport; http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2008/03/20/obamas_passport_files_hacked/
2. Become a US Senator;

I feel sorry for all the little Birthers, It’s not their fault; it’s your families’ fault that taught you that you were better than other people based on race, creed ethnicity, color, nationality or sex, in short they engrained in you their hate (what a legacy).

But you know at some point you need to grow up and act like an adult and think for yourself and distinguish what is true and what is BS.

But there is where the little Birthers find yourself because we all know it was never about a birth certificate or grades, because we all know you want to go around wearing white sheets, burn crosses and hang people who are not like you, we know that your growth is stunted in your hate, and hate is what this is all about, you will never win anymore, and I feel sorry for all of you. I can only imagine when our President is re-elected what you phonies will lie about next. Oh, and just know, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it’s a duck, the little Birthers are a bunch of racists!

Mike's Moosroom said...

Montana, Did you really write that "Our President had already showed his US Passport to get... A Passport"?

Okay, that's funny.

As for the rest of your comments, interestingly enough, I'm not a 'Birther' or a 'Truther', mostly because I believe we have much larger fish to fry given the scope of challenges facing our country (economy, terrorism, etc.).

And no, I'm not a Racist - you may be confusing me with someone else (who looks like a cow?). The only white sheets I own have 'flowers' on them and are not very appropriate for late-night hate sessions held in open fields surrounding burning crucifixes...

No need to feel sorry for me (as you say you do), I'll be just fine. Please let me know what you believe I 'lied' about in this post, I am a bit curious about this (but no, it will not keep me up tonight).

I once had a dog who moved to Montana. Could you please send him back to me? I called him 'Cayote'. Wasn't much of a dog, but I do miss him so. If you could please send him back to me, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks,

Mike (a.k.a. "Moo")

Kevin said...

1 = US President
0 = Birthers/ Bin Laden/ Trump/ Huckabee

Deal with the truth!

Mike's Moosroom said...

Kevin, Thanks for keeping score. Let me know when you get to ten. Anything over this and you'll need to take your shoes and socks off.

As I told Montana, I'm not a 'birther', but I thought it'd be fun to form another Right Wing Extremist Group for the Lefties to come after. So far, so good.

Have a nice night,

Moo

Montana said...

The few Birthers that are left will never win any court case, but will continue to try to spread their “little brain” lies, win a case or everyone in the world will continue to see you as dumb, stupid or racist, maybe all three. Can you blame them. I love you guys, its fun playing with you.

Mike's Moosroom said...

Montana wrote: "the world will continue to see you as dumb, stupid or racist, maybe all three. Can you blame them. I love you guys, its fun playing with you."

Montana, Perhaps you should go back to playing with yourself?

WHY? You'd be happier, your blood pressure would be lower AND you wouldn't procreate. I'd hate to see another generation of paranoids out there 'tilting at windmills' where NONE exist.

If you feel better calling other people names, have at it. It speaks volumes about your own insecurity.

Have a nice day Chuckles...