Saturday, May 21, 2011

Keep the Tip

CONFESSION:  The title of this evening's post is the punch-line from a joke I heard at Sacred Heart School whilst in Fourth Grade. 

The joke itself?

Q.  What did the leper say to the prostitute?

A.  "Keep the tip..."

The irony is that leprosy doesn't 'really' make body parts fall off (the whole 'bits dropping off' thing is a myth).  I do, however, believe that it would make dating more of a 'challenge' (speaking from personal experience, all dating is a 'challenge').

The post, other than the tacky intro above has nothing to do with lepers, prostitutes, or 'bits dropping off'.  It does, however, have something to do with bits being REMOVED on purpose. 

A week after San Francisco made headlines by accounting for twenty percent of the most recent 'Obamacare Waivers' handed out, San Francisco makes news again.  This time it is not for the opting out of enforcement of existing law, but rather, for the creation of yet another law which, interestingly enough, would impede on your right to practice (get ready for it)...

Your freedom of religion. 

I had to go look this up, because with the number of items over-turned (or over-looked) in the US Constitution lately, I was thinking that maybe I dreamed that there was such a thing as Freedom of Religion.  But, upon visiting Wikipedia, I found out that there IS such a thing as a Constitutionally-guaranteed 'Freedom of Religion' after all. 

According to them...

  • First AmendmentEstablishment Clause, Free Exercise Clause; freedom of speech, of the press, and of assembly; right to petition

  • Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

    Phew, I'm glad I found it!  I was starting to think that I was in one of those Twilight Zone episodes where Hell seems like Heaven (at least for a while - until it makes you 'wacky') and Heaven is a Lady Gaga video which, suprisingly enough, looks a lot like a Fellini film on acid (but in a 'good way').

    Some really-concerned citizen decided that it was unfair for small children to have a part of their 'winkies' removed as part of a barbaric custom, which dates back thousands of years before Christ. 

    This man, let's call him 'Lloyd Schofield' arbitrarily, has decided that no more children will suffer while he has something to say about it!  Enough's enough!  The WINKIEs will endure!!! 

    Lloyd has gone out and gotten 12,000+ signatures on a ballot measure in San Francisco, CA that, if approved, would ban circumcission of any male child less than 18 years of age.  

    Yes, that's right Tommy, if you want to have your winkie 'modified' you'll need to wait until you're old enough to fully appreciate the thing.  

    And here's the best part:  The proposal, as written, does not provide any consideration for religious beliefs.  

    Let's journey back to Wikipedia for more on this topic for those of you playing the Circumcission Home Game!:

    Religious male circumcision generally occurs shortly after birth, during childhood or around puberty as part of a rite of passage. Circumcision is most prevalent in Muslim countries and Israel, and is most prevalent in the Jewish and Muslim faiths, although also common in the United States, the Philippines, South Korea, and Ethiopia, which are predominantly Christian.   

    So, if your particular religion says that the helmet needs to come off the little general... 

    Sorry - keep that little fella covered up! 

    Religion, after all, is for the weak.  It is not for strong, committed men like Lloyd Schofield.  He and his supporters are simply looking to keep you from hurting your child needlessly. 

    And you, apparently don't know any better - do you?  It takes a village to raise a child, after all...  Doesn't it?

    No, it doesn't.  It takes a parent, two parents, or dare I venture to go THERE? 

    Perhaps it takes an entire family.

    Lloyd wants this to become law because he believes that he knows better than you do - You, the people who brought this particular child into the world in the first place.  He wants to remove the burdens of religious and personal freedoms which you so thoughtlessly took for granted, perhaps, until today. 

    Will this ballot initiative be approved in November?  It's doubtful (although it IS San Francisco, California - these sick pups gave us Nancy Pelosi)...

    "Oh, I'm a lumber jack and I'm okay, I sleep
    all night and I work all day..." 
    Given this bit of back-story, the odds may be closer to 60/40 that it doesn't get adopted into law. 

    Buuuttttttt, as San Francisco lawmakers already banned "Happy Meals" in town, there's no telling what mischief they are planning to get in to this upcoming November.  

    Doesn't it figure that a town chocked-full of foreskins would also be a town without Happy Meals?  There's an irony there, I believe.   

    Anyway, it's late, I'm tired, and I'm goin' on a road trip with my foreskin-less family (four men, a wife, and two female dogs) tomorrow morning.  If you'd like to read more about this particular subject online, feel free to check out the link HERE

    p.s.:  If you're a glutton for punishment, can we re-visit the photo which opened this post (above)? 

    Yes, let's!
    Basically, I have two questions for you about this cover:

      1.  If this kid does not HAVE a foreskin...  Why's he asking about it?  How does he know is DOESN'T have one?  Looks a bit young to be peering over the wall of the urinal at Sean...

      2.  Are you a little creeped out by the fact that he's looking for his foreskin, shoving something into his mouth, and the caption on the left of the image says, "Gourmet Baby Food"?  Do male children EAT their own foreskins in this magazine?  AND, what qualifies it as 'Gourmet' grade foreskin?  Does he KNOW what he's eating?  Ewwwwwww!   

    p.p.s.:  Mark Levin interviewed Lloyd S.

    I'm not sure why...

    You can listen by clicking here:  Mark Levin

    Good night folks, enjoy the your decision-making ability while you have it...
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