Friday, February 4, 2011

GroundHog Day

This is a"Deja Moo" re-issue of a post I did in 2009.  I tripped across it whilst looking for something else.  So I figured, "Hey, I can CTRL-C and CTRL-V with the best of 'em, so why not put it up again for this year's Groundhog Day?" 

I've got a kickin' post in the back of my head that was inspired by a link sent over by my friend, GrumpyElder, but it's as yet un-written back there in the far-reaches of my melon.

Problem is that seems like every day for the past two weeks we have a 'Winter Weather Event' up here.  Two weeks ago it was -10 degrees with a -17 WindChill.  Since then, we've had snow, ice (pretty much daily), and a unique 'Freezing Mist' which I've never experienced before.  The end result is I'm leaving early for work and getting home late.  Then when I finally do get home, I have to de-snow, de-ice, and de-liver my car up the driveway into the garage, cook dinner, wash dishes, check homework, do laundry, 'bug' the DNC and get to bed so I can start it all over again the next day. 

Since the driveway is at on an incline and ALWAYS covered with some sort of 'frost-varient' I speed UP the driveway, hit the garage door opener button and HOPE that the door opens before I drive through the door (vs. 'under' the door as normal). 

So far, so good.  I haven't hit anything (or anyone), yet.  But since it's only February and we have 2+ more months of 'snow' ahead of us, I'm thinking that I'll be wearing that Overhead Door as a hood ornament by mid-March.

Hey, you gotta have a dream...

[We now re-join our post from 2009 already in progress...]
It was only a matter or time.  It had to happen.  The only question I have is: 
So why did I have to find out about it? 

I was arguing with my son over the number of times that Punxsutawney Phil hasn't seen his shadow since 1886 (we had to argue about something, so why not something completely pointless?). 

That answer, so YOU don't have to look it up, is FOURTEEN.  Yes, for only fourteen times in the past 132 years, the sleepy, dark-loving, 'un-happy-about-being-dragged-out-in-front-of-13,000-loons' Phil has NOT seen his shadow.  Now you know in case you want to start an argument with someone in your family...

But I also found out something that I DIDN'T know.  I found out that there are folks 'out there' speculating that since NINE of these fourteen total 'non-shadow' appearances have taken place since 1975 that it's because of... 


Go ahead and guess!  Come on, you can do it! 

Give up? 

What is the significance of 9 out of 14?  Take a shot!  Do IT!  Do IT NOW!  (Read the preceding like Ahnooold.) 

Well, it is being speculated that this large percentage of non-shadow 'events' since 1975 is because Punxsutawney Phil is sensitive to, and completely aware of... 

Global Warming.

Yup, even the lowly groundhog is in on the Global Warming kick now.  Here is a photo of the environmentally-aware groundhog in his natural environment (being dragged out of a dark box into broad daylight, surrounded by thousands of shouting and laughing 'Phil-O-Philes').

Go ahead, look into HIS eyes and call ME insane...
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Yes, stare into the eyes of nature's pre-eminent early-warning system.  Feel Phil's psychic presence as he pleads with you to save HIS planet (he, apparently, is very full of himself)...

Okay, enough of that.  Can we discuss reality for a moment, just for a MOMENT?  From the article, I quote, "(Phil) uttered something in the obscure language of Groundhogese to Club President Bill Cooper, who then proclaimed that the large rodent had seen his shadow and we would therefore be getting six more weeks of winter."

So here's where it gets weird(er):  The Global Warming prediction is NOT made by the groundhog himself, but more appropriately, by a guy named, 'Bill Cooper' translating on behalf of the rodent. 

How do I know this? 

Simply put:  Groundhogs don't speak.  Go ahead, you can look it up if you have to, but I'm pretty confident that the section above about 'the obscure language of Groundhogese' is a SCAM made up to amuse TOURISTS (as proof, I offer the following to you:  No one in their right mind goes to Pennsylvania in FEBRUARY.)

If Phil actually spoke, I'm pretty sure it would be something more like, "Psst, hey buddy, you put me back in my box away from these lunatics or I'm gonna take off one of your stubby little gloved fingers.  Don't mess with me, I'm a rodent, a cousin of the 'rat'.  I can do it.  Don't push me man - I'm out of my box AND I'm on edge."

To add more credence to the above theory, it was reported on February 2nd, 2009 that the New York equivalent of Phil, Staten Island Chuck, did in fact, take a chunk out of NYC Mayor, Michael Bloomberg's hand. 

Personally, I hope he's okay.  You can get a nasty infection from a bite like that.  Regarding Mayor Bloomberg, I'm sure that he'll be okay too - I'm more concerned that the poor little rodent may have picked something up from the Mayor, you know, him being a politician and all...

If you would like to read the entire story, you can click the following link:  Phil Responding to Global Warming? 

Click this link if you want...  Or you can just trust me.  Just like the Global Warming folks who 'KNOW IN THEIR HEARTS THAT HUMANS ARE KILLING THE PLANET', trust Bill Cooper to translate the frantic grunting of a panicked rodent (being pulled from his hutch into the cold February air) can predict the weather forecast (and, ultimately, the END of the EARTH). 

Yeah, you're right, it's probably better to not trust anyone.  Not even a guy in the tuxedo coat and top hat - especially if he's from Pennsylvania. 

Game On You Tuxedo-Clad Rodent Abusers...

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