Friday, February 3, 2012

"Hey Man, You Got the Stuff" Part II

LAUSD 'LA Menu' Healthy Food Choice Items


Tommy says, "Cheech, can you give me a ride into LA?  I need to pick up my kid for lunch."

Cheech pulls the Chevy hard to the right and stands on the brakes, "No man, you can't eat your kid for lunch, that would be wrong!  What's wrong with you man?!?!"

"No, I said I need to pick my kid up for lunch - you know, I have to take him to lunch." Tommy explains.

"Oh, that's a completely different thing, I guess, right?  But wait, why do you have to take him to lunch, don't they feed him those Free Lunches at school?" Cheech asks.

"I don't know man, they USED to feed him at lunch - but now he wants to spend time eating with me all the time.  It's kind of weird - I never wanted to eat with my Dad."

"Tommy, your Dad used to bite the heads off chickens in that traveling Geek Show of his - nobody wanted to eat with YOUR Dad.  He made the local kids really nervous..." Cheech says.  "Do you remember what happened to that Beagle puppy you got for your sixth birthday?"

"Snack Wrap?"

"Was that his name?" asks Cheech.

"No.  That's what happened to him." answers Tommy.  "Yeah, my Dad was 'different'." 

"So why won't your kid eat the Free Food at the school?" asks Cheech a second time.

"He says they're trying to poison him there.  They give the kids a handful of sticks and twigs wrapped with a celery stalk and tell them it's lunch."

"Any mushrooms?" asks a hopeful Cheech.

"Sometimes, but they're not the right kind of mushrooms." answers Tommy.


"Huge bummer..."

Cheech pulls his Chevrolet back into traffic and drives towards town.  Tommy falls asleep moments later and dreams of a Big Mac marinated in Hershey's Chocolate Sauce with a side-order of Nabisco Sugar Wafers.  

In the deep corners of his subconscious - a beagle bays...  Then, all is silence with the exception the sounds of a tap-dancing mushroom crunching on a celery stick... 

Well, I told you we'd get back to it. Not as quickly as I wanted, but here we are again, nonetheless.  I promised yesterday morning that I'd tell you what happens when well-meaning tyrants determine what other people, may, or perhaps, may not be allowed to do as it pertains to their dietary habits. 

It's a story of intrigue, political correctness, starving the poorest Americans, and black market burritos. 

It is the story of...

The Los Angeles Unified School District LA Cafe'!

The following excerpts are from the shocked, confused, and 'not getting it at all' folks at Natural News Online:   (NaturalNews) A massive school lunch menu overhaul implemented by the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) in California last year has been met with widespread resistance among district students. CBS 2 in Los Angeles reports that many students are actually choosing to go hungry rather than have to eat revamped, healthier meal offerings like vegetarian curry or quinoa salad.  (Moos Note:  Vegetarian curry and Quinoa Salad?!?!  Yum-O!!!)

Last summer, LAUSD's school board voted to eliminate unhealthy meal options like corn dogs, processed chicken nuggets, and sugar-laden flavored milk beverages in favor of alternative, healthier meal options that incorporate more whole, unprocessed food items. The decision was inspired by celebrity chef Jamie Oliver's show Food Revolution, which at one time featured an LAUSD school on its show, until the permit was revoked.

Many people initially praised LAUSD's decision to alter its lunch menus as a giant step forward towards improving the health of the district's schoolchildren. But few anticipated that the students would ultimately reject these new offerings en masse, choosing instead to smuggle in unhealthy snacks from home, and even trade things like ramen noodles on newly formed and thriving "black markets."  (Moos Note:  Ah, evil 'Free Market Forces' at work again!!!  Curse you Bill of Rights and your 'Freedom to Eat Food You Don't Hate' amendment, curse you to HECK!!!)

Reports indicate that many students have been throwing away their entire meals, including their unopened cartons of plain milk product. And those that are unable to snag a high-demand item from the junk food black market to replace those meals were simply not eating, which was leading to widespread malnutrition at many of the district's schools.

Conditions have gotten so bad that the district is now planning to re-implement many of the menu items that it offered previously, but with supposedly healthier ingredients. A healthier type of pizza will be returning to lunchrooms, for instance, as will hamburgers and cheeseburgers. Dishes like brown rice cutlets and quinoa salad, on the other hand, are getting nixed.

No matter what LAUSD serves, it is required to serve a certain amount of it to students, and those students are required to accept that amount, even if they do not want it.

This is why so much of the undesired food has ended up in trashcans rather than given to somebody else. But ABC 7 News in Los Angeles recently reported that some students are now volunteering to help give these leftover meals to those in need.  (Moos Note:  No mention here of whether 'those in need' are rejecting the sticks and twigs also.  But I have my suspicions  arethat those 'in need' are looking for other folks 'much more in need' to pawn the "Brown Rice Cutlets" off on...  Somebody help me out here but the last time I saw the word 'Cutlet' used on a menu it was immediately preceded by the word, 'Veal'.  Veal, of course, is a young cow forced to stay in a box up until the moment of slaughter.  If these heartless California Liberals are keeping Brown Rice (do I sense Racial Overtones here???  Hmm?) standing on end in a box, I'm gonna HURT somebody!!!  Nobody abuses RICE like this while I'm around!  Poor little brown babies all standing on end in a BOX in the DARK!!!  I'm angry I tell ya' - angry!)

The second-largest school district forces kids to eat 'healthy foods' (yes, this district is one of the ones which banned Chocolate and Strawberry Milks last year) and the kids?  The kids just say, "No," collectively, resoundly, and resolutely.

Now there's "Hope" I can believe it.

There's more, but once again, the time clock's dyin' to be punched, and after reading about how Rice is treated in California, I'm a guy in a punchin' mood.  I feel a Part III coming on, but for now, we end this post as the lights of a 1964 Chevrolet Impala drive into the distance as Tommy and Cheech attempt to rescue the boy from the 'Sticks and Twigs Lunch Wardens'...

Happy trails folks!


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