Friday, December 5, 2008

Humor Never Dies

I friend of mine once said that, "Evil Never Dies". This applied mostly to his Mother-In-Law, whom, it seemed would live forever. Ultimately she did pass away a few years ago. Somewhere Satan is singing... "Look away. Look away. Look away, Dixie Land..." (Yes, there's a story here, but it's not mine to tell.)

However, I would like to believe that in the After-Life that humor 'springs eternal'. Whether intentional (you'll know them when you see them), or due to some unfortunate 'family naming convention', the following folks left a legacy behind that will outlive all of us (yes, even ME). Long after I am dust, the following will live on in silent testament to those laid underneath.

W.C. Fields wrote in Vanity Fair (1925) that he thought his tombstone should read as follows:

"Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia."

W.C. never got this wording on his tombstone, but perhaps these folks did get what they asked for, or deserved...:

College students come from miles around to worship at the altar of "Weed"...

I'll bet it's a spooky place after dark with all those glowing orbs in the darkness surrounding the plot...

Oh man! I knew that 'Rock' was dead. But come on, not FUNK too!

I have lived too long!

Goodbye cold, cruel, 'Rap World'.

Please tell me that this is an abbreviation for 'Rapewoniwitz' and they were just being cost-effective. Otherwise, I feel really bad for anyone they ever dated...

Daughter: "Mom, this is Tom Rape. He'll be taking me out tonight in his van..."

Mother: "I don't think so young lady..."

Man, did someone take their 'Cocky-pill' right before they died, or what?!

I've heard of life-after-death. I never knew that 'cocky-after-death' existed until now.

I just hope they lived long enough to be classified as: "DumOldFarts".

Ahhhhhhh! The inevitability of it all! I knew it, I knew it!

Finally, a realist.

Must be a Republican.

I don't know about you, but if this were me, I would have died YEARS earlier...

I'll bet that 'Constant' was really skinny...

I hope the tombstone symbol means that he went 'Straight Up to Heaven'.

Hey wait a minute, that's the WRONG finger!

No wonder he died young... Somebody probably killed Lloyd C. Linton.

Figures the end of his name would spell, "C.Linton"... Another Democrat.

They would have saved a LOT of money on 'marble' if they just waited for the laptop to come out... This tombstone is rated: "PC", as in, "Politically Correct"

Hope these folks weren't "Mac" users, otherwise you could hear the audible 'thrum' as they spin in their graves for all eternity...

It looks like Micah went on that class trip to Washington, DC afer all...

Rest in peace dude. You were too young to leave. But thanks for leaving us laughing.

I wonder if this was written prior to Meatloaf's "All revved up and no place to go!"?

When given the chance to believe in something; this guy chose to believe in nothing.

(Yeah, he was a Democrat)

"Here lies 'Titman'. High school was really, really BAD for him..."

"AssMan, cousin of TitMan!"

Really unfortunate parentage for both of these families...

The last word in tombstones...

"Born a Loser, lived a Loser, died a Loser."

And, oh, look, it says that Charlie, "Died by accident on a railroad track"...

Whoa, is THAT ironic, or WHAT?!

(An 'unlucky' Loser)

Oh, I get it. This is where that prank line came from... You know, when you call the restaurant and ask if you could speak to 'Seymour Butts'? "Paging Seymour Butts, has anyone seen Seymour Butts?"

Sorry, he's dead. Call back later.

But you can call your local deli and ask the following crowd-pleaser:
Q: "Hey buddy, do you have pig's feet?"
A: "Yes, I do."
Q: "Whoa! Where do you buy your shoes?"

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