Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Fear the FUD

Mere hours from now President Barack Hussein Obama will address the US House of Representatives (as well as the rest of the world population via video feeds). White House aides have played down the upcoming speech and have let the media know that it will have none of the 'high-flying rhetoric' for which the President has become associated with with in prior 'media events'.

Tonight's objective? Oh, heck, I dunno, they didn't call ME to preview the event, but let me take a stab at it here (while it's still a free country):
  • The economy is in much worse shape than he, or his economic advisors were led to believe by the outgoing Bush Administration. If only he knew five weeks ago what he knew today, things WOULD have been different today.

  • The tired (old) solutions of lowering taxes on individuals and corporations will not be enough to bring this flailing economy back to life. New, bold (FDR-era) solutions of massive government spending, increased taxes, and diminished freedoms will be the mantra for years to come. The private sector, which provides 70% of activity of the economic engine of America CAN'T do it on its own. The 30% of the economy known as 'the Government' needs to jump-start the entire economy. You cannot trust Americans to spend their own money, Barney Frank, Christopher Dodd, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Obama DO know how. They have proven that they know HOW to spend money over the past month -- trouble is, they are not so big on MAKING the money that they are spending.

  • For some reason, American citizens have grown 'concerned' about the economy. President Obama will not know where people have gotten this mistaken impression. Sure, things are bad, but hey, we've been through rough patches before, haven't we? You know, like that one time when the Federal Government decided to bail-out a bunch of bad mortgages, spend $1.3 million on a stimulus package 'chocked full' of pork, and then decided to bail-out a bunch of bad mortgages again? Sure, that was a much worse time than we have today -- right?

  • We need to control spending. The best way to control spending is to make health care available to all legal (and illegal) Americans. And the best way to control medical spending is? Come on, you already know the answer... Yes, the best way to control medical spending is to determine the procedures which are made available to those patients who can 'most benefit' from those procedures. So if you're really, really sick from illness A and you come down with a secondary illness B, don't expect to get health-care because you are a 'High Risk' patient. Shoot, you're already sick, aren't you? Do you deserve to be treated as a normal, healthy, patient would be? I don't think so. You are a burden to society, you are deemed un-worthy of treatment. YOU cost too much, and THEY'RE looking to reduce costs.

  • We need alternative fuel technology (circa 1975) to create new, high-tech, and high-pay jobs. Wind, solar, tide, clean coal technologies will NEED additional monies foisted upon them lest they never come to profitable fruition. We will NOT drill for oil within the United States, or off-shore because these two things are NOT solutions to our long-term energy needs. Instead, the U.S. will invest monies into technologies proven in-efficient, costly, and less profitable to the company providing them, than in proven energy solutions (like, for example, a whole bunch of oil and natural gas resting comfortably under our nation).

  • We need to increase taxes on a few of the 'wealthiest Americans' (as defined here, the 'wealthiest Americans' include seven guys named, Bill and one guy named, Warren.) These eight guys will provide the economic engine 'funding' to help Barack Obama make America great again for all Americans. Unfortunately, these eight guys will need to lay off approximately 67,000 who work for them to PAY for these tax increases. Then when these guys and gals start pulling unemployment benefits and stop buying stuff, 1.2 million other Americans will be laid-off because without the 70% of the consumer-driven economy referenced above dries up... Absolutely NOTHING happens.

  • We need to increase taxes on a few of the 'wealthiest American companies' (these companies include any company with a 'vowel' in the name of their firm). If they are wealthy enough to 'Buy a vowel' they had better darn well pony up to help out the poorest of Americans. They, in turn, will lay off 20% of their employees to offset their increase in corporate tax rates. There is a bright-spot here, however, as all of these unemployed workers (let's say, oh, another 1.2 million Americans added to the 1,267,000 above comes out to roughly 2.5Million NEW unemployed) these un-employed workers will all have health-care coverage (unless, of course, they contract a secondary infection, in which case their family starts pulling Social Security benefits out of the system a 'wee bit earlier' than they expected).

I do tend to get carried away, don't I? Sorry.

So back to the FUD:

This is an example of the 'FUDD':

This, of course, is the 'Elmer Fudd'

What I'm talking about in this rambling bit of verse, is NOT this 'FUDD', it is the 'FUD' as mentioned above in the title of the blog post. It's a Sales & Marketing term used to 'Sell products or services to people who may (or may not) need them'. In this instance, 'FUD' stands for:
Fear, Uncertainty, & Doubt

'Selling the FUD' refers to making your 'Prospect' aware that if THEY DON'T BUY YOUR PRODUCT OR SERVICE (when?) RIGHT NOW!...

THAT Something BAD will happen.

"VERY Bad, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh... You buy/do this ____________ or I won't be wesponsible for what happens to you or your famiwee..."

(You should go back and re-read this prior section as 'Elmer Fudd' (or Barney Frank). Feel free to hold a shot gun to your own head while you do it just to get a totally 'authentic feel of fear, uncertainty, and doubt'). Wearing the 'Fudd' hunting hat will also add to the learning experience! Trust me, I just did it... Although the gun was really a soda bottle and I made the hat out of aluminum foil.)

So, what do I expect from tonight's presentation of the President? FUD. Lots and lots of FUD. It's how he and Congress pushed through the recent ('We didn't have time to read it but we passed it anyway because we had to do SOMETHING...') Stimulus Bill.

Barack Obama's Greatest Hits
Including the following Classic Tracks!:
"If WE don't act now...",
"We are in a crisis facing a catastrophe",
"If we fail to act, we act to fail",
"We cannot maintain business as usual",
"Yeah, you may not agree with me. But I won..."

Yes, President Obama, you won. But I, do not want to lose.

So put on your hunting caps, get out your tweed jacket and repeat after me, "Shush, be very, very quiet, I'm listening for 'FUD'." I'll keep score on my predictions for this evening's presentation.

What do YOU think that President Obama will be discussing (selling) this evening?

And, perhaps more importantly, what, if anything, will you be buying?

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