A Canadian With a Heart...

Remember all those wise cracks I made about Canada? All the comments about Canadians being rude, being bad tippers, and being really horrible drivers? Well, between you and me, they're still true. Buuuuuuut, if I'm ever anywhere near Canada's Governor General, Michaelle Jean, and you ask me about THOSE particular comments, you'll get nothing back from me but a quick punch to the throat.

I had never heard about this woman before, but she makes Wolverine from the X-Men Comics look downright 'kittenish'.

During a recent trip to the Artic, Michaelle Jean gutted a seal (presumably it was 'dead' at the time of the 'gutting' - at least I'm hoping it was), she sliced meat from the carcass, then she removed, and ate the seal's heart - raw.

After munching on the seal's heart, the Governor General of Canada told the Inuit people she was meeting with that the heart was "absolutely delicious" and that it "tasted like sushi".
(Personally, I was expecting that she would say it tasted like "chicken", but I guess this designation is reserved for roasted rattlesnake "bites" and frog "bits" (I DO miss Kermit - I can't believe that he's gone...)).

Although, now that I think about it, I have never EATEN sushi...

So what else might I be able to compare it to for lack of a 'sushi' comparison?
"Thanks for the seal heart, it tasted just like _________!"
(Choose 'taste option' from one of the following to fill in the blank above:)
a.) pancreas
b.) seal heart
c.) a really large fuzzy moth
d.) gym socks
e.) the inside of my dog's ear

Please don't ask me how I know what the above things taste like. Some secrets need to remain unspoken... Forever.

So, anyway, here's this nice lady from Canada ripping the heart out of a seal and it's all being covered by the Media for global reporting.
This is THAT seal:

No, I'm kidding. This is NOT (as far as I know) the actual seal which had its heart eaten out of its chest by Canada's Governor General. I know this because, media reporters covering the event were quoted as saying, "The actual seal whose heart was eaten by Michaelle was MUCH cuter than your run-of-the-mill baby seal whose had its heart eaten out of its chest. It was extraordinarily cute, in a heartless kind of way..."

Soooo, if you're ever out somewhere surrounded by a group of angry Canadian politicians, grab the closest baby seal you can find, throw it up into the air over their heads and shout "Eat its heart out you baby-seal-heart-eating-monsters!" Next, run away quickly and HOPE that they didn't take some kind of baby-seal-heart-speed-eating course over the Internet weeks earlier. If you cannot find a baby seal to secure your escape, look for an otter.

I'm thinking that an otter-heart might taste a lot like sushi also. Or, maybe it tastes more like 'prairie dog'? If I were Canadian, I'd probably know the answer to that last question.

Unfortunately (or perhaps, fortunately) for me, I have never eaten the heart of a seal, prairie dog, peek-a-poo, or porcupine. I just wish I could say the same about 'blue whale' heart. Now THAT tasted like sushi (which makes no sense at all because the blue whale is a mammal, right?) and I must admit, the heart was very filling. Yumm-O!

I don't know much about politics, but what I do know is that it is better to keep your mouth shut when surrounded by Canadian-Political-Seal-Heart-Eating-Types.

And if you ever see THESE TWO North American politicians together -- keep an armful of baby otters handy, just in case you have even the REMOTEST resemblance to a baby seal...

President Barack Obama Governor General Michaelle Jean

Regarding the 'eating the seal heart' story referenced above, it's true. You can access it by clicking the following link:
"Take another piece of my heart now baby..."

I'll bet you didn't catch this story on CNN last night, did you? And why not? Because at CNN they're... "Chicken!" (But they taste like 'Rattlesnake')

Anyway, I 'Otter' be going to work now. Before I'm late.

Eating One of Her Own...

I didn't plan on posting anything today (you know, Memorial Day weekend and all) but I was truly surprised when I stumbled across the following video clip which aired on MSNBC in a report by Rachel Maddow.

Didn't the folks at MSNBC do everything they could to get Senator Obama elected as President? Apparently the Honeymoon is over and MSNBC and President Obama are moving to separate bedrooms. I don't dare speculate on where CNN will be spending the night.

I must add two comments of my own regarding Rachel's report:

1.) President Obama made his speech in front of a 'reproduction' of the Constitution of the United States (the caretakers of the document do not want it to fade any more than it already has over the past 200+ years.)

Rachel need not worry about President Obama making such an offensive speech in front of the US Constitution because, in reality, it wasn't REAL.

2.) This could be Rachel Maddow's last LIVE report on MSNBC.So what did Rachel say when she USED to work at MSNBC?

(If you have difficulty accessing the video (I am) please click this link)

Oh my.

So long Rachel Maddow; we hardly knew ye'.

Moo

p.s.: It is Memorial Day Weekend. Please take a moment to remember WHY most of you reading this have Monday 'off from work'. The freedoms we have were NOT given to us without cost. They were earned.

This Memorial Day take a moment to say a silent prayer for those who gave so much so that we can take this Monday 'off', but don't take it for granted. That which can be earned in blood can also be taken away with the stroke of a pen.

No, I'm not talking about a day off with pay...

While President Obama doesn't believe that we are a 'Christian Nation' speaking abroad, I believe that our country was founded on Judeo-Christian values. One of us (either me, or President Obama), I'm sure, is wrong. As for me, I'm pretty sure that I'm right. He will most likely feel the same way (that I am right -- Hee, hee).

For you folks who served, God bless you. And thanks for what you did, and for what you continue to do in inspiring future generations in service to our country.

Have a great weekend folks. Be safe and be nice to each other.

We're all in this together.

Clink, Clank, Clunk...

This just in to the Moos Room: The House of Representatives is currently working on legislation that will allow YOU to get a cut of TARP dollars!

Sure, why not?

Q.: Do you own a vehicle?
Q.: Does it, um, run? (Although I don't honestly know if this is a requirement -- it's a government proposal after all and a vehicle which does not run, uses no gas! This, according to the Obama Administration is an EXCELLENT vehicle!)
Q.: Would YOU like to have a new car, truck, or van?
Q.: Can you make your children 'smaller' than they used to be? (Because you'll be 'right-sizing' them to fit into your new Honda Fit.)

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, the U.S. House of Representatives (Motto: "We represent YOU, so YOU don't have to think for yourself") has a DEAL for you! Your old vehicle may be worth CASH! Yes, you too can get your hands on a little 'TARP CASH' (makes sense, since, ah, it's your money already) but it's cold hard cash, all the same.

(Warning: You'll need to BUY a car, truck, or van to qualify for the big cash payout. You'll need to spend money to get money. Sounds like something my wife came up with...)

Plan on bringing about $25,000 - $35,000 to the dealership with you. Make yourself at home and feel free to take the flat screen LCD TV from the GM or Chrysler Dealership service area waiting area when leaving, since in reality, it belongs to you now. The dealership is okay with this, I just checked. Go ahead, go for it. (Bring screw-drivers)

One last 'GOTCHA': You'll 'probably' need to have a job to qualify for new vehicle financing. (Although, if you buy a house, this 'unfair lending requirement' for funding by Fannie and Freddie has been waived (but I think they may have fixed this -- I'll get back to you)). EMPLOYMENT TIP: I hear that the Federal government is hiring.

Those 'wacky folks' in the U.S. House are looking to pass legislation which will allow YOU to get really STUPID trade-in rebates if you purchase a more fuel-efficient vehicle than the one that you are currently driving.

How stupid (from a strictly monetary perspective)?

Well, let's look, shall we?

Purchase a vehicle with 2+ MPG than today's: $3,500
Purchase a vehicle with 4+ MPG than today's: $4,500

But don't worry, it's the GOVERNMENT'S MONEY, it's not like it's YOURS!

Won't you feel great when you find that your neighbor who's currently in bankruptcy (and living in her house for free) gets 20% to 25% off the price of her new vehicle (because she's living with her boyfriend who HAS a job but wasn't on the mortgage in the first place so he's living for free too), but you can't buy a new car because YOU are stupid enough to actually pay your bills every month?!Yeah, I think that's just swell too! (Why DID I stop drinking?)

Q.: But seriously, who in their right mind would want to support a Bill that gives MORE money (that hasn't been printed or funded yet) away, and WHY?

A.: Apparently the Bill has bi-Partisan (maybe 'bi-Polar'?) sponsors in the House AND President Obama thinks it's just GREAT! This will allow folks to buy more fuel-efficient vehicles, stimulate the economy, AND save us about 42 barrels of fossil fuels per year! (Representing approximately 2 T-Rex, 1 Terradactyl, and 3 Triceratops -- that's REAL savings!)

So if you hear about the 'Cash for Clunkers' program working it's way through Congress? Yeah, this is the one... Here's a tongue-in-cheek article written by a 'car guy' that you can read if you like. (Whoa, really long embedded link, eh?)

Remember: Knowledge is power. I can be used by you, or it can be used against you. (Except in Congress, where common-sense knowledge will be used in SPITE of you.)

And please, take this money from the Government and help us save the dinosaurs, before they're all gone...

Moo

From My Cold Dead Hoof

Maybe it's just me.

Yeah, it probably is JUST ME, but...

My nineteen year-old son asked me the other day, "Dad, the things going on in Washington, DC and across the country... Have you ever seen anything like this before?"

I briefly considered doing my BEST 'Yoda' impression and saying something like, "Fail Democrats will, when gathered many they are together", but I decided that it was a serious question, and he deserved a serious answer.

I thought for a moment and answered him truthfully, "You know, I remember things being weird during the Carter Admininstration, but the Obama Administration is creating 'The Perfect Storm' of socio-economic weirdness. While I was living through The Jimmy Carter Experience in the 1970's, I was your age, so I wasn't really paying that much attention, you know, working at the Diner, and all... But I do remember a lot of 'hushed conversations' being had between my parents. They were spooked -- a lot."

As I thought about it my mind wandered back to the 'Misery Index' of the Carter Years.

(Flashback in: 3 ,2 , 1...)

The Carter Years ('Clickable' Links for your reading enjoyment)
> Unemployment + Inflation (a.k.a.: The Misery Index)
> Energy Crisis
> Runaway Inflation
> Defense Spending Cuts
> In-Fighting With Congressional Democrats
> Stagflation

I could go on... But why??? Living through the Carter Administration and during the Obama Administration forces me to accept the fact that I've lived through this ALL before.

Having lived through the Carter Years and now living in the midst of President Obama's first (and only) term is like being 'Re-Incarnated' without the 'uncomfortable transitional step' of DEATH.

The ONLY thing different between NOW and THEN is that the President in the White House has TWO daughters, as opposed to ONE. (Although I guess I'm discounting the fact that President Obama, I believe is also 'taller' than President Carter.)

By way of illustration, see if you can determine which of the following represents President Carter and which represents President Obama?

(Feel free to hum the theme music from Jeopardy at this point)

Q.: Who gave a nationally-televised address in which he identified what he believed to be a "crisis of confidence" among the American people?

Q.: Who said "Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns."

Q.: Who issued a "hit list" of 19 projects that he claimed were "pork barrel" spending. And said that he would veto any legislation that contained projects on this list?

Q.: Who wanted to encourage energy conservation and the development of national energy resources, including renewables such as wind and solar energy?

Q.: Who signed legislation greatly increasing the payroll tax for Social Security, and appointed record numbers of women, blacks, and Hispanics to government and judiciary jobs?

Q.: Who, during the Presidential campaign, pledged to cut spending and reduce the budget deficit?

Q.: Who told Americans via televised speech that our dependence on foreign oil represents, "a clear and present danger to our nation"?

Okay, so can you link the above items back to President Carter, or, President Obama? If you're curious, shoot me a note and I'll send you the answer back RIGHT TO YOU! (I don't want to ruin it for the rest of the kids by giving the answers out here.)

Q.: How can we turn it all around?

A.: We can, assuming we don't end up on the wrong side of the bun...

The Moo-vement Begins...

Check this out --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMbXvn2RNI&feature=player_embedded

p.s.: No, I don't own a gun, and I'm not advocating that YOU buy a gun. All I'm saying is at some point in your life you have the God-given (even though "We're not a Christian nation" (at least, according to President Obama)) right to say, "No".

Being President doesn't automatically make you 'right' -- much the same way that being a cow doesn't automatically make you 'wrong'.

It's not a LEFT vs. RIGHT 'thing', it's a RIGHT vs. WRONG 'thing'.

Okay?

Moo