Lettuce Entertain You

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This just in...
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Those fun-loving folks at PETA are at it again!
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Lettuce see if you can guess what they've been up to this week!?!?
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Have they been...
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Creating an educational family-friendly comic book for your kids? 
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Sporting kitty-faced-body-art?
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Photographing a Super-Model with a "Bunny Rabbit" beneath a caption which reads, "I'd rather kill kittens than wear fur..."
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Okay, somebody Photo-Shopped this...  Hmm, or did they???

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Saving the World (from Climate Change) by eating...  Veggies?
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Hmm, Al Gore may be on to something...

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Painting themselves like some sort of reptile, while walking around Manhattan in 'Hooker Shoes'?
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Attacking Santa Claus (or is it, 'Santa Claws'?)
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Displaying young women mostly-naked on the street beneath shrink wrap as a supermarket 'meat' item?
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Holding a GUN to this DOG's head?!?!?
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The answers, of course are:  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, AND no!!!
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All these things have been done before.  
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Nah, they are so, so, yesterday - we're talking about today baby!!!

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This week two women wearing only Underoo-Bedazzled lettuce leaves are scheduled to spend time at a Mall in Minneapolis for their cause (whatever THAT happens to be this week.)

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Keep in mind that the average temperature across the US this week was a brisk 17.2 degrees.  (I can only assume that PETA's 'Stop Global Climate Change' campaign isn't doing much to save the Earth from rogue Polar Vortex's?  Or maybe, PETA should START this campaign in Canada, as they're sending their Climate down here...  Just another fact-based reason to fear Canada.)

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While PETA is 'all about' caring for animals, I wonder:  Why doesn't PETA care about...  Humans?  
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After all, we're pretty much 'animals' too, right?  Why don't they start a campaign to 'Save the impressionable young female humans'?  Heck, if a couple of leaf-covered-half-naked women showed up at my house I'd give them twenty bucks, a coat, gloves, and some free advice (after all, I'm sure they'd listen intently to a 'cow', right?) 

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Let me get this straight, PETA exploits human animals to SAVE other animals?  Please excuse my naivete, but isn't exploiting anyone, or anything, pretty much...  Wrong?
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And when it comes to actually SAVING animals, PETA's track record is about as good as North Korea's Kim Jung Un is at saving 'Uncles'.
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Check out this post I did a while back for inconvenient facts about PETA:  What Exactly Does PETA Stand For?
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Okay, I get that they use 'shock and awe' to convey their message and get free coverage in Media (oops, now they're here too - dang it), but sending out leaf-covered-women to freeze on the streets somewhere in Minnesota - really?
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While we're being 'good' to animals, can't we be good to all animals, including those who walk on two legs, wearing hooker shoes, several leaves, flesh-colored Underoos, and goose-bumps the size of Nebraska?

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Yes, being good to ALL wild-life on Earth will make the Earth Happy, Happy, Happy...
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See?  I told you so.

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As for PETA, the organization is still full of idiots.  
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But the Earth loves them for it.
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Wangs. Those Dang Wangs.

First:  I'm sorry.

Second:  It isn't my fault.

Third:  It explains so, so, very much.

I came across an article on the Huffington Post late yesterday afternoon which, at great personal expense, I must share with you...  today.

True, the truth will hurt some of us.  But, in the end, the truth shall "Set us Free!" 

Free at last, free at last, dang you Colonel Sanders, I'm free at Last!

It is with great sadness that I share with you the answer to the question for which I have quested most of my adult life. 

It is not pretty. 

It is not fair. 

It is, as they say, "It is what it is..." 

And it explains sooooo much.

HUFFINGTON POST ONLINE, August 28, 2013:  PETA Calls To Ban Pregnant Women From Wing-Eating Contest, Cites Concerns Over Unborn's Penis Size

PETA has urged the National Buffalo Wing Festival to ban pregnant women from its upcoming wing-eating contest because of a study linking poultry consumption to smaller penises in the unborn.


"Pregnant women may want to think twice before chomping on those chicken wings, or their sons could come up short," PETA Associate Director of Campaigns Lindsay Rajt said in a release.

The festival runs Saturday and Sunday in downtown Buffalo, N.Y.

PETA pointed to the Study for Future Families, which determined that phthalates, chemical compounds that can be found in chicken, may diminish genital size. The study gauged the amount of phthalates in pregnant women and measured their male offspring's sex organs between 2 months old and 3 years old.


Yes.  It's true.  PETA Scientists (pictured below) have scientifically determined that Mothers eating 'mass quantities' of fried Chicken Wings while pregnant will essentially 'cap' the size of their unborn male child's 'Mr. Happy'. 

Yes, at long last, I have the undeniable scientific evidence which explains what happened to ME - pre-birth...  Thank you PETA!  Thank you HUFFINGTON POST! 

No.  Please, as for you people reading this, I do NOT want your sympathy.  All I request is your...  Understanding. 

Please understand that I do not expect large cash donations be sent  to: 

Moos' Undersized Winkie Foundation
Somewhere Beneath Court Street (Near the Empty Crack Vials)
Binghamton, NY  13903

You can also call in your PLEDGE to 1-555-LIL-GUYS (Please have your major credit card and your personal, confidential information handy to provide to Dimitris Pullyourlegus when you call.)  All contributions will be directed to professional scientific professionals who will 'focus like a laser' on rectifying this vitally important issue, just made public by PETA and the Huffington Post. 

As mentioned above, I am NOT asking for large donations for my newly established foundation.  Rather, I prefer SMALL CASH donations ($20 bills and under are preferable - no checks please) so they can fly beneath the radar of local IRS and NSA personnel.  (Oops, too late on the 'NSA thing'.) 

I will use whatever monies I receive to create a serious study of 'Wing-Induced-Short-Guy-Syndrome' and spend every waking hour of my day trying to determine if there is a CURE for this senseless tragedy brought about by women professionally eating... 

'Too many' Buffalo Chicken Wings in Wing Eating Contests across the Nation

As for myself, I leave you with somber and extremely personal news: 

My Mom, yes, my one-and-only Mom, was [sigh], "Mrs. Long Island's Chicken Wing Eating Champion 1958". 

I was born in 1959. 

This makes this fight personal to me.

Please help me help others living with the Stigma of WISGS (Wing-Induced-Short-Guy-Syndrome) by sending your CASH (small bills), and Credit Card Information now to the address above.  Dimitris Pullyourlegus and other assorted Homeless People / Vagrants are standing by to 'Take your money' now.

Thank you,

Your friend, and totally-committed WISGS Advocate,

Moos


p.s.:  Happy Birthday Mom! 

p.p.s.:  Please forward this post to as many Chicken-Wing-Eating-Contest-Participating child-bearing-aged women as possible in an attempt to 'Nip this situation in the bud'.  Your awareness is our only cure.

p.p.p.s.:  PETA targeting guys 'bits' to get people to stop eating ANY kind of meat?  Yeah, they've done it  all before (and rest assured, they'll do it again)...

Bon Appetite!

Not sure why, but I'm thinking Chili dogs for lunch from the BBQ today...

What, Exactly, Does 'PETA' Stand For?

"W.T.M.?"  (What the... Moo?)

What does 'PETA' stand for?

Inquiring cows want to know...

At the superficial, 'Acronym-based,' level of conversation, 'PETA' stands for (according to their website):

"People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals"

All animals?

No.  Please do not infer something PETA never implied... 

Ethical treatment is NOT 100% universal in regard to the animals which PETA 'treats' ethically.

Please notice that the fuzzy little bunny is running AWAY from PETA

PETA, according to their 'About PETA' tab, has a mission - oh, look, here it is now:

Our Mission Statement
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is the largest animal rights organization in the world, with more than 3 million members and supporters.
 
PETA focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of animals suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time:

- on factory farms,
- in the clothing trade,
- in laboratories, and,
- in the entertainment industry

We also work on a variety of other issues, including the cruel killing of beavers, birds, and other "pests" as well as cruelty to domesticated animals.

PETA works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, animal rescue, legislation, special events, celebrity involvement, and protest campaigns.

So, according to their website: 

"PETA focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of animals suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time..."


This makes a lot of sense - especially when contrasted to the animals who do NOT suffer for the long periods of time.  (Keep reading, we'll get there) 

Specifically, those animals which PETA is tasked with caring for at PETA's very own shelter (for 48 hours, or less).  

No, PETA doesn't shed so much as a tear for them... 

These animals have never been in the PETA Shelter.
How do we know this?  They are still alive...

The Daily Caller Online reports:  Documents published online this month show that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, an organization known for its uncompromising animal-rights positions, killed more than 95 percent of the pets in its care in 2011. 

The documents, obtained from the Virginia Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, were published online by the Center for Consumer Freedom, a non-profit organization that runs online campaigns targeting groups that antagonize food producers.
 
Fifteen years’ worth of similar records show that since 1998 PETA has killed more than 27,000 animals at its headquarters in Norfolk, VA.

In a February 16 statement, the Center said PETA killed 1,911 cats and dogs last year, finding homes for only 24 pets. 
“PETA hasn’t slowed down its slaughterhouse operation,” said Rick Berman, CCF’s executive director. “It appears PETA is more concerned with funding its media and advertising antics than finding suitable homes for these dogs and cats.”

In a statement, Berman added that PETA has a $37 million dollar annual budget.

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“The facility does not contain sufficient animal enclosures to routinely house the number of animals annually reported as taken into custody,” Kovich concluded in his report. 
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Kovich also determined that PETA employees kill 84 percent of the animals in their custody within 24 hours of receiving them. 

“[PETA’s] primary purpose,” Kovich wrote, “is not to find permanent adoptive homes for animals.”
 
PETA media liaison Jane Dollinger told The Daily Caller in an email that “most of the animals we take in are society’s rejects; aggressive, on death’s door, or somehow unadoptable.”
 
Dollinger did not dispute her organization’s sky-high euthanasia rate, but insisted PETA only kills dogs and cats because of “injury, illness, age, aggression, or because no good homes exist for them.”
 
PETA’s own history, however, shows that this has not always been the case.
 
In 2005, two PETA employees described as “adorable” and “perfect” some of the dogs and cats they killed in the back of a PETA-owned van. The two were arrested after police witnessed them tossing the animals’ dead bodies into a North Carolina dumpster. 
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PETA had no comment when the Daily Caller asked what sort of effort it routinely makes to find adoptive homes for animals in its care.


With a 95% 'kill rate percentage' for 2011, you'd think Margaret Sanger ran this joint.  However, at last report, Margaret Sanger 'continues' to be dead, although her 'death's work' is being aptly carried out day after day by caring, federally-and-privately-funded staffers of Planned Parenthood (your contributions, as always are 'Most Happily Accepted!'). 

There is NO truth to the rumor that PETA and PP are looking to merge their operations to obtain a better 'Economy of Scale' when it comes to the purchase of dumpsters, syringes, gloves, aprons, and / or ball peen hammers, however.

I guess the bottom line is if you think your contributions are going to PETA to 'SAVE ANIMALS', you might want to inquire as to what your particular donations are actually being used for.  More likely than not, they are being used to recruit other unsuspecting contributors to the organization, pay "G & A" expenses of staff, and to fund travel expenses associated with the myriad of 'Boycotts & Protests' across the country, each supported (with a little help from their 3 MILLION members) by PETA.  

To justify PETA's euthanasia-prone tendencies, they have issued a formal response, and purchased Paid (SEM) search results from Google.  Oh, yes, your Tax-Exempt contributions to PETA are also going to Google, Yahoo, Bing, et al...  Sorry, I missed these 'online defense expense bucket expenditures' in the last paragraph.

You can read PETA's response to the above charges HERE, but I wouldn't recommend viewing it if you have an aversion to of 'half-dead' animal photos used to justify PETA's particularly high 'kill rate'. 

Apparently, 95% of the animals 'sheltered' in 2011 had facial cancers, infected limbs, and other visually-unattractive diseases as illustrated at via the link above.  Yes, of the 100% of the animals they 'sheltered', a phenomenal 95% of the animals looked like the photos they're using to explain their Guest Mortality Rate at the 'PETA Shelter' to their contributors, media, and the curious, in general.

The only humane choice was to kill 95% of the animals placed in their care.

Bastards.

p.s.:  As a rule of thumb, when you are taking an animal to a 'Shelter', it is preferable that its survival rate 'in the shelter' be a 'bit' higher than the same animal's survival rate when left alone to fend for itself while surrounded by rabid wolves.

But then again, you may disagree.