Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Irony is a Dish Best Served... On Ice


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NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC, December 29, 2013:  The Russian vessel, the M.V. Akademik Shokalskiy, which was stranded off the coast of Antarctica with 74 people onboard, remains stranded. Attempts were made by the Chinese icebreaker, Snow Dragon, and other Russian icebreakers, but the ice was too thick. Rescue crews hope to get to the stranded passengers soon.

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The ship, the M.V. Akademik Shokalskiy, is waiting for emergency help—though help might take some time to come, given a blizzard that pummeled the area. The ship locked up in the ice on Christmas.

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"The vessel hasn't moved in the last two days, and we're surrounded by sea ice," said Chris Turney, leader of the modern-day Australasian Antarctic Expedition, said in a video posted on Twitter. "We just can't get through..."
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Hey, do you smell it too?  This, my friend, is the smell of smokin' hot irony, served icy cold on this December day.
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Yes, the M.V. Akademik Shokalskiy is chocked full of scientists (and tourists?) retracing the route taken by the Mawson Expedition exploring...
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The Antartic!
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Yes, one hundred years after the original expedition, intrepid global-warming scientific investigators (and a crop of tourists with bitchin' blue parkas) armed with buckets of high-tech gear are trekking where 'pretty much' no one has gone before and scientifically prove that...  
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Being stuck in the ice...  Sucks
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Yes, you are correct.  They went looking for Global Warming and got, um, stuck in the ice.
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Maybe it's just me - but I'm thinking that's kind of funny.  
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Not 'Watching-Nancy-Pelosi-trip-over-a-homeless-guy-on-the-way-to-her-next-Botox-treatment' funny, but just plain, 'Al-Gore-Predicts-the-Artic-will-be-ice-free-by-2013' funny.  
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You blue-parka-wearing scientists (and tourists?  Seriously? Tourists?!?!) MIGHT want to check out the Weather Channel.  Perhaps it would be a good investment of time prior to taking your 'Al-Gore-Arctic-Second-Hundred-Year-Mawson-Expedition-Anniversary-Fun-Cruise' next time around.  
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Although, in another hundred years from now, you'll most likely be able to walk in Bermuda Shorts and sandals across the Arctic - right Al?  Perhaps it'll all be paved and you'll be able to drive your Chevrolet Volts across the once-frigid ice pack.  (Pack a REALLY LONG electric cord prior to leaving home!)

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Yeah, so these wack-jobs are stuck in the ice, THREE ice breakers have been sent to drag their butts out but...  

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The Ice is Too Thick
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Yeah.  The ice is just too dang thick.  A fourth ice breaker is heading there now, with a back-up plan of flying the explorers out by helicopter.   
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So, waiting to be rescued, the ice-bound scientists are:
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  • Testing the salinity of the ocean (Assuming they can reach down to it)
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  • Taking censuses of local bird populations
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  • Drilling into the ice to extract mineral data,
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  • Sending drones to map Antarctica's Commonwealth Bay, and,
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  • Tweeting, texting, and filming themselves 'cavorting about' because, quite frankly, they ran out of Scotch two days ago

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Bold and Mighty Global Warming scientists (and tourists), we salute you!
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In keeping with today's 'Ironic Theme' let's close out today with a few snapshots provided by other documented 'fails'...
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Take comfort, brave adventurers, knowing that you are not alone in your Epic Fail.  As you seek historical immortality, remember to take a moment to thank those others who have set you upon your current path...
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And with this, bring on 2014.  
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I'm soooooo done with 2013...
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