Saturday, August 23, 2014

Hot Deep and Wet

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Scientist #1:  "Bob, about Global Warming, any idea why it's petered out?  Any theories on why the Earth's temperature isn't rising, you know, like we said it must?"
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Scientist #2:  "Um, yeah, about that..."
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Scientist #3:  "Given the complexity of the interpretation of the data and the dynamically changing weather metrics of the past century, the best theory we have at this point is that based upon current evidence from the extrapolation of best known scientific processes would seem to indicate that...  Oh shoot, I don't know."
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Scientist #4:  "Can't we just say that the ocean 'ate our heat'?  You know, like when I used to tell my Third Grade science teacher that my dog ate my homework?"
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Scientist #5:  "Sure, why not?"
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All Scientists in the conference hall:  "So say we one, so say we all!"  
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Scientist #1:  Hey, who wants to go out for Baked Alaska?!?!?"  
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The conference hall empties...
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Yes, a new generation of Global Warming / Climate Change theorists are literally bending over backwards (see illustration above) to figure out who 'took their heat'.  For the record, it wasn't me, although the woman in the photo above, well, I guess she IS kind of 'hot'...  But, I digress. .  
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After decades of predicting increased temperatures across the planet, polar ice melt, and 'really great farming at 'the Earth's Poles', the scientific community has yet another theory to spring on you (and they hope you like this one much better than all the other ones they've given you since the 1970's because THIS one buys them more time for something 'climate changey' to happen and YOU can't prove them wrong - unless you can dive really, really deep into the ocean with a thermometer clenched in your teeth.)
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Come one, come all, as you are invited to hear the latest theory on Global Climate change, and where it went!
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... 
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Has Earth's Missing Heat Been Found?
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In 1999, the feverish rise in Earth's surface temperatures suddenly slowed, even as greenhouse gas emissions escalated. This unexpected slowdown has been called a global warming hiatus or global warming pause. Most climate scientists don't think this hiatus means global warming went kaput, but the reason (or reasons) for the slowdown has scientists flummoxed. Researchers have offered more than two dozen ideas to explain the missing heat. 
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Now, a study published today (Aug. 21) in the journal Science suggests a natural climate cycle in the North Atlantic Ocean gobbled Earth's extra heat. While the study is unlikely to settle the scientific debate, it does support the idea that Earth's global warming continues in the ocean, even when air temperatures stay flat. 
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Scientists have blamed the oceans for the global warming pause before, but they pointed their fingers at the Pacific, not the Atlantic. However, in seeking to test this idea with temperature data, oceanographer Xianyao Chen, of the Ocean University of China in Qingdao, and Tung, an atmospheric scientist, said they couldn't find the missing heat in Pacific Ocean temperature measurements.
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Tung and Chen then searched ocean by ocean until they hit on the North Atlantic, where the heat was playing hooky.  
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Yes, you read the last line above correctly - the author of this article on 'missing' Global Climate Change states that "The heat was playing hooky" in the Atlantic Ocean.  It was over in the Pacific Ocean for a while but now this very same Global Climate Change Heat has moved from West to East and it's 'over here' now, vacationing where President Obama prefers to golf (pretty much anywhere on the East Coast whereupon he can drop his ball).  
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Perhaps that rascally old Global Climate Change Heat knew that the neighborhood was getting 'bad' on the West Coast with all those illegal aliens coming across the border and he moved because he knew that his Pacific neighborhood was going down hill?  What else MIGHT explain it? 
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Someone needs to tell GCCH (Global Climate Change Heat) that the illegal aliens are pretty much everywhere in the U.S. so maybe he should consider a quick slosh further to the East and get himself into the Indian Ocean?  I mean, if you're a 'go wherever you want to go around the world' kind-of-heat like our friend GCCH, why wouldn't you want to travel to nice places like the Arabian Sea, Bay of Bengal, Flores Sea, Great Australian Bight, Gulf of Aden, and / or the Gulf of Oman?  These seem like very exotic and wonderful places, and since GCCH likes to travel (deep below water where non-scientist-types can't find him), sure, why wouldn't he want to get out and stretch his underwater legs once again?
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So the next time you wonder "Hey, what ever happened to that Global Climate Change thing" which you heard about for YEARS, don't look to the sky for the answer, rather, walk into your bathroom and flush your toilet once or twice to send a cooling drink of chlorinated (and fluoridated) water to our friend GCCH.  
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Why?  Because he's hot and needs a drink.  And you'll be doing your part to SAVE the EARTH.
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Thank you for flushing!
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Oh, and before you get all uppity thinking that flushing the toilet is all you need to do to FIX the problem of Global Climate Change just think about THIS...  According to these Baked Alaska eating scientists - Global Climate Change is merely in a state of 'Pause', at any moment it can LEAP back into existence and destroy your world!
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Yeah, so THERE...  
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Have a nice weekend (while you still can)
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[Evil laugh]
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