Sunday, December 15, 2013

The Christmas Dance - For Kids!

December 15, 2013, The Savannah Theatre, Savannah, Georgia:  "A Christmas Tradition" brings you holiday glitz and glitter with a 2-hour performance. The theatre is transformed into a holiday perfect picture, sharing memories of the Christmas standards that you know and love. Sprinkle in a little comedy and audience participation for the greatest event of the season.

Ah, yes, the Christmas Season is upon us.  Local towns, cities, and communities across America prepare to celebrate the time-honored traditions of Christmas.  

Men and women across the Nation prepare to celebrate the birth of a child in Bethlehem two thousand years ago.

We pause for a moment to reflect upon the meaning of Christmas and we think, we ponder, we wonder...

(Continuing to wonder...)

What, EXACTLY, is wrong with us?

December 9, 2013, The Admiral Theatre Chicago, IL:  The Admiral Theatre announced (again) that any person bringing a new, unwrapped toy today through December 21, 2011 will receive...

A lap dance.

Yes.  A dance.  Um, on your, um, lap. 

In the dark.  

Courtesy of someone you don't know. 

Fine print  reads:  "Compensation for toy donation is left to the discretion of management"

Gory details follow...

CHICAGO (CBS) — If you’re a stingy, Scroogey type at Christmas, the Admiral Theatre has an incentive for you to change your ways.

Yes, that Admiral Theatre.

Beginning Monday and continuing through Saturday, the Admiral is offering a free lap dance to anyone who donates an unused, unwrapped toy.

But you won’t get extra attention if you clear off the shelves at the toy store and come to the Admiral with a big sack on your back. The limit is one lap dance per customer.


Last year, the event was accompanied by a seasonal “12 Days of XXX-Mas” celebration, which also featured what the A.V. Club called featured “a stripper-fied rendition of ‘The Nutcracker.’”

The blog, Chicagoist, reported the campaign last year raised five carloads of toys, and they were donated to churches around Albany Park.

By the way, the Admiral, at 3940 W. Lawrence Ave., is open 364 days a year.

It is only closed on Christmas Eve.  [Presumably, they are OPEN Christmas Day?  Super.]

The true meaning of Christmas?

No, I don't think so.

Three things bug me about this:

  1. Okay, I 'get' it.  If the people running the Admiral Theatre can collect five 'truckloads' [that's a LOT of lap dancing...] of toys for underprivileged children in Chicago, I ought to be happy that they are doing something to support 'the kids', right?  Yes, I acknowledge the fact that I 'ought to be happy' according to most folks... 
  2. To me this business venture smells more of an Ebenezer Scrooge Production than it does of a Jacob Marley Joint.  Scrooge WOULD find a way to make a buck by using others, wouldn't he?  Using kids and Christmas to bring patrons into your strip club?  No, I'm still thinking that this is, what's the word???   'Wrong'.
  3. Lastly, as I write this, I hear music from "The Nutcracker" running through my head - coincidence?  I don't think so... 
Actual 'made-up' conversation which just ran through my mind:
"Honey, I have this toy I need to drop off at the 'collection point' downtown.  I may be a while.  Is there anything you need me to bring back for you?" he asks.

"Oh sweetie, you're such a good man!  Hey, you know what?!?  I read this Moosroom blog today on the and it said that the Admiral Theatre in Chicago is giving away FREE lap dances to anyone who brings in a gift for the kids.  You know, you've been an awfully good man this year so why don't YOU go and have some strange woman pivot incessantly on your lap?  I mean, it's Christmas and all!"

"Gee babe, that's just swell - you're the BEST!" he says as he stuffs the gifts from the Dollar Tree into a Target bag and walks out the door...

As you share this Christmas with your family and friends, remember to also share your Blessings with others.  Donate to the Marine Corps "Toys for Tots" campaign, toss some folding money into the Salvation Army kettle, shovel a neighbor's driveway after a snowfall, help someone load their groceries into their car, or, perhaps, even help a stranger change a tire when you see them standing, looking perplexed, in an Exxon station parking lot.

As we race headlong toward Christmas, please take time to remember the reason why we celebrate Christmas.  

Christmas is in remembrance of the birth of Christ.  It is not about the lights, the 'lowest sale prices of the year!', the trees, the gifts, or the strippers, who, presumably, will dance on your lap. 

It's about God's gift to us - his Son.

I could go on, but why tell you stuff you already know? 

You already get it.  

Merry Christmas folks!   

Oh, in case you DON'T get the whole 'Christmas-thing'?

The Admiral Theater is also doing its part to end Unemployment in Obama's America in 2014!

Yes, you too can FIND A JOB!

Just leave your clothes at the door and...


Grinding, as always...  Is optional.

Remember, you're doing it for the children...

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