Sunday, April 21, 2013

April Showers


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As I type this, it is 32 degrees outside my dining room window.  Spring IS coming, but it's been delayed (or, possibly, distracted?). 
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There's too much going on.  Too much to see.  Too much to hear.  Too much reality going on 'out there'.   
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To paraphrase a photo I saw on FaceBook last week, Spring of 2013 has had a "Failure to Launch". 
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We should blame ourselves - yes, that's what I said.  You read this correctly.  Weather on our planet is OUR fault,  it is not simply some mischievous global whim of nature. 
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If you believe the one-time "Global Warming" Bunch (a.k.a.: today's "Global Climate Change" folks) we MUST blame ourselves.  For if we truly have the power to change the Earth's climate for the 'ill', we must, therefore, also have the ability to change the climate for the 'good' - right?
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And you know me, I always choose 'good' over 'ill'.  Yeah, that's how I roll...
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It is in this spirit of this 'good choice' that I offer the following...  
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Earth-Saving 'Suggestion'
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Turn off the lights in North Korea.  Save the planet.  Heal the Earth. 
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Yeah man.  Cool.
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Peace - Love - Dope.  Yes, it's all here.
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REUTERS, April 20, 2013, 11:53pm:  North Korea moves two more missile launchers
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North Korea has moved two short-range missile launchers to its east coast, apparently indicating it is pushing ahead with preparations for a test launch, a South Korean news agency reported on Sunday.
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South Korea and its allies have been expecting some sort of North Korean missile launch during weeks of heightened hostility on the Korean peninsula.
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...
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The North moved two mid-range Musudan missiles in early April and placed seven mobile launchers in the same area, Yonhap said. A North Korean show of force could be staged to coincide with the anniversary of the founding of its army on April 25.
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Not wanting to be overshadowed by a couple of fun-loving Chechen / Muslim / Pot-Smoking / Rap music-loving Terrorists killing Americans in Boston, Kim Jung Un wants to get back into the International Spotlight. 
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The question is - what is the best way to do this?
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Something COMPLETELY other than the 'norm' - like... 
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  • Moving missiles around
  • Threatening US Allies (and US bases)
  • Finally, having your photograph taken while standing behind your secret weapon
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Your red and white... Pokemon Pikachu capsule.
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"Pika - Pika!"  Yeah.  We're in trouble now. 
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Given the severity of this latest Pokemon threat from North Korea, I humbly submit the following recommendation to the US Military, President Obama, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff:. Turn off the lights in North Korea.  Save the Planet.  Heal the Earth. .I'm even attaching a list of steps and (BONUS!) a visual aid to assist in the attainment of this worthwhile goal..

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STEPS TO SAVING THE PLANET:
  1. Load planes with HUGE bombs
  2. Launch planes from many places simultaneously
  3. Leave just before dark
  4. Arrive over North Korea at night
  5. Wherever you see lights - drop bombs

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As discussed here, the actual bombing of the 'important parts' of North Korea should take no more than six minutes as there is only one area of the country which has electricity...
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Missile launchers on trucks may prove to be a bit more problematic as they are scattered throughout the country and along the coastline.  Perhaps a 'Dawn Attack' would be an appropriate military tactic to knock these sites out? 
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I'm thinking that we should be sending in Zodiac boats full of Hershey Candies, Yuengling Beer, Cigarettes, and McDonald's Happy Meals to the coastline areas where these missiles are located.  We could then distract the well-trained (yet starving) members of the North Korean military long enough to hijack and drive their missile launchers into the sea.   
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To aid in targeting I've included a large red arrow (above) with the words "Bomb Here" in the night-photo of North Korea.  Hopefully these detailed instructions will not confuse President Obama or his staff.
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The beneficial effects of these attacks will be immediate and extensive:
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  1. South Korea will have more real estate upon which they can build more Hyundai and Kia vehicles to ship to...  US
  2. Bad haircuts will once again be outlawed (sorry Kim)
  3. My McDonalds' stock value will increase, having opened new markets in the newly 'unified' Korea   
  4. One fewer dictator will be attempting to play 'Catch Up' with Muslim Terrorists over here
  5. Finally, the bombing run on Pyongyang will throw millions of cubic feet of soil into the air, blocking the sun's rays, lowering the Earth's surface temperature and, you guessed it, "Healing the Earth", simply by turning Pyongyang's lights out - for good. 
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Granted, it's not a perfect plan, but I felt the need to do my part to secure the future for our children.
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My only concern is that once we're done with North Korea Iran will be waiting in the wings for their own 'Earth Healing' moment. 
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If we put too much soil into the air, the Earth will cool too much, plants will die and then...  The dinosaurs will become extinct.
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Whoa - too late.  Who saw THAT coming? 
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The Earth's first 'Politically-Correct-Progressive-Entity' passed away 65 Million years ago today - film at Eleven.

"CLICK"

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