Happy? Not so Fast...

Leroy Comrie-D, NY

Yes, this NYC Councilman wants to legislate what YOUR kids - eat. 

Please, take a moment, look up again, and allow this to sink in.

So why is this man targeting restaurants which provide toys in 'kid's meals' upset? 

• Does he not 'like' the toys?  
• Was he attacked by Grimace as a young child?
• Is he more of a 'Wendy's' kind-of-guy? 

Well, let's check out what the folks at CBS News have to say:  "Comrie planned to introduce his own bill Wednesday that would essentially rewrite what could currently be considered a “Happy Meal.” The bill would require establishments that offer toys with food make sure the meals are 500 calories or less and have low fat and low sodium totals."

Okay, so he's doing it 'for the Children' (is he in Wisconsin by any chance?). 

Super!  What a nice man!  He cares about meals which are 500 calories or less (once again, you may want to re-visit the photo above) for our kids. 

That's special!

But what happens if I attempt to sell an un-healthy-toy-laden-meal to a small child under his proposed legislation?  

According to CBS:  "Penalties would be steep: between $200 to $2,500 for repeat restaurant offenders who use toys to sell unhealthy meals.

Comrie said fast food restaurants know exactly what they’re doing.

“It comes as no surprise that these ads and meals are also targeted in low income and minority neighborhoods that are already at risk for childhood obesity. These are the same communities that have limited access to supermarkets, limited access to healthy food options,” Comrie said."

Um, no.  I must respectfully disagree with Councilman Comrie (only one letter off from another word, can't just seem to place it, though).  

Mr. Comrie, McDonalds restaurants are ALL over the United States - saying that they are targetting 'low income and minority neighborhoods' implies that every neighborhood in the US is 'low income', well, that's just CRAZY TALK... 

Although, over the past few years, he MAY have a valid point here - I'm feeling a bit 'low' myself, at least when it comes to income...

Okay, so folks like Mr. Comrie want to guarantee women the 'Right' to abort their children - but once born, the kids who survive can't eat a Happy Meal at McDonalds'?  Am I getting this right? 

Yeah, I know it's a stretch, but it is, what it is...

What poisonous foods being offered for sale at McDonalds'?

That's right, a Cheeseburger, low-fat milk, and apple 'dippers' (dipped in LARD and SALT no doubt!)

Are there other 'less-healthy' food choices which can accompany your child's 'Happy Meal'?  Sure there are.  You could give your child arterially-challenging FRIES with a lethally-injected-carbonated-corn-syrup-infused 12 Ounce Sprite with NO ICE!  (Oh, the horror) 

But here's the thing: McDonalds' provides you with the Choice to select the healthier alternative, vs. the 'Bad' alternative for your child. 

You get to choose with your child (for now).

In Mr. Commie's world (oops, sorry, it's, 'Comrie'), affordable meals need to be free of choice(s), joy, AND without a toy.  If a toy is provided with a non-healthy meal, the owner of the establishment gets to pay...

A Tax, a penalty, a fee, a punishment for doing business (Call it what you want, but it all comes down to the same) 

So is the debate really about healthy meals, or is it about raising incremental tax revenues while taking 'choices' away from parents?

In looking at the McDonalds' Nutritional site for Happy Meals, it appears that many of the meals available today are fractionally 'just above' the caloric requirements specified by Mr. Comfrie's proposed legislation.  I wonder why this is? 

Even the artery-clogging-old-hen Chicken McNuggets with Low-Fat Milk and Fries come in at 520 Calories, yet Mr. Comfrie specified a '500 Calorie' maximum. 

Isn't it strange that McDonalds' numbers are so close to the Councilman's numbers, and yet, so far away? Yes, the word 'strange', does come to mind.

Enjoy those fries and sugary drinks while you can kids, because if there IS a Boogie Man in your closet, chances are he's wearing an ill-fitting suit, a white shirt, a striped tie, and is sporting ketchup stains on his lapels. 

And for all you 'poor people' out there forced to eat at fast food joints, here's a tip for you - stay at home and cook for your own dang kids.  You'll save money and you'll be able to feed them whatever you want (while the food is permitted, of course).  Just make sure they get a toy.  I hate it when kids cry...  

Perhaps you can give them a nice little gray donkey to remind them of what they've lost? 

I'm thinking...  

"Thanks for noticing me...  Now leave me alone."

NEXT UP:  Banning Chocolate Milk in Schools - I wish I were kidding

NEXT NEXT UP:  They'll be banning 'Bag Lunches' in schools.  Oops, too late...

From the article linked above:  "One principal in the city of Chicago has set off a firestorm after a Chicago Tribune report of a ban on home-packed lunches. Students without a medical excuse must eat the daily offerings in the cafeteria at Little Village Academy.

Well, they have to eat it or do without, which many students are doing.

The principal, Elsa Carmona, defended her decision to the Tribune, saying "Nutrition-wise, it is better for the children to eat at the school."

"FROM MY COLD, DEAD HAND"

"WHEN BROWN BAG LUNCHES ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE LUNCHES (Which include: MEAT, BREAD, CHOCOLATE MILK, and CHIPS)."



TODAY'S POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER 'D'!


Seriously, what were they thinking?
The thing looks like a target.
Oh, now I get it...



You Want Flies With That???

I’m a father of three happy, healthy, and ‘relatively’ normal boys.  I’ve learned a lot along the path to becoming a ‘real’ parent.  Bill Cosby once described this as having more than two kids – having three, I've been a 'real' parent for YEARS...   

My sons have made comments over the years that I wanted to share with you; mostly because I need to share my stress with someone else (and luckily (for me) this means YOU!).  

As with most embarrassing events, the following quotes were made in public, almost all of them said very LOUDLY in restaurants.  These establishments were usually full of people, who unfortunately for them; were eating, or drinking, at the time at which the spoken abominations were unleashed upon the World.  

 I’ve never found a parenting book that prepares you for, or provides you with the appropriate response to the following – but read on and you’ll be prepared.  (Although, I'm not really sure that you ever CAN be...)

“I just went Number Two and it was this long!”  My youngest held his hands approximately 18 inches apart and had a huge smile on his face.  We were unable to verify his claim due to a lack of tape measure and the efficiency of the plumbing system at the facility.  However, most of the other people in the restaurant appeared to take his word for it since no one argued with him over their meals. 

“He just had a booger, now he doesn’t!  And he’s ‘itching’ the inside of his mouth again…”  Professional magician?  No, professional nose miner.

“No!  Dads have a 'peenie' like we do – Moms don’t.”  I’m not really sure what brought this up at the Outback Steakhouse, but we left shortly thereafter.  Loud comments like this in public places make every car in your rear view window look surprisingly like a Child Welfare surveillance vehicle.  How would a four-year old know this?  It must be that progressive education system I keep hearing about.   

My 2 year-old was in his car seat in the back of the car while I was driving one afternoon and he made a noise that I couldn’t identify.  He stretched his hand up to me between the gap in the front seats; his face was twisted in a grimace.  I asked him what was up and I passed my open hand back to comfort him.  He put his hand in mine and said “Nasty!”.  He then dragged his index finger back across my open palm.  When he was done, I found a booger the size of a Chevrolet Cobalt on my palm.  He was right, it was nasty. 

“You want flies with that?”  Apparently fruit flies are attracted to the corn syrup that accumulates on soda fountain nozzles at fast-food places during warm summer months.  We discovered this at a fine dining establishment a couple of years ago.  Unfortunately, we didn’t know this until the fruit fly was discovered by my nine-year old at the BOTTOM of his Sprite (that he just drank – yes, all the way to the bottom).   

We did, however, discover that McDonald’s employees respond quickly to the sound of vomiting in the dining area.  The above “You want flies with that?” quote was uttered by my middle son just prior to our test of restaurant’s EVRT (Emergency Vomit Removal Team – pronounced, ‘Eeeeevvrrrrttt!’).   

In case you’re wondering, the EVRT Team at McDonalds is pretty good. 

In the event that you need to spend time with your children in public there are basic rules that must be followed (write these down so you will not forget):

• If you dine in a fine restaurant (you should NEVER, EVER do this), select seats as far away from other diners as possible – the finest restaurants often offer curbside, or drive-through dining.  Utilize these options whenever possible.
• Huddle your family around you so you do not lose, or inadvertently add to, your family’s headcount.  If you find you have one more person than you came with, return immediately to wherever you were and tell the child (the one who looks least like you) to, “Stay here and wait for someone that looks vaguely familiar to walk by and follow them home…” 
• Have your children order from the ‘kids menu’ at ANY restaurant you visit until they’ve grown more facial hair than Jeff Bridges did in the first Iron Man movie.  Sure, the folks who own the place won’t be happy with you, but the people at the counter will usually just smile because they do the same thing at the competitor’s place down the street
• Avoid restaurants that offer table-service.   I’ve heard rumors that wait staff expect ‘tips’ in exchange for delivering the food to your table.  Rather, choose a restaurant that allows your entire family into the kitchen and lets you bring your food to the table yourself.  It’s much ‘funnier’, ‘cheaper’ and greatly narrows down your dining options.  Also, it's better than tossing someone not related to you 12 - 15% of the value of your meal for about 3 minute’s work.  If you have to utilize table-service remember to have your kids spill at least one drink each to justify the tip (don’t worry, the kids will do this for you anyway).

Oh, and one last thought… 

The next time you hit the self-serve drink dispenser, make sure you give it a quick tap in advance of filling YOUR cup to discharge any gnatty little ‘hangers-on’ that may be waiting there just for you.