Thursday, January 30, 2014

Forty Below

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While the title of this post may hint of recent 'Polar Vortex' temperature plunges in North America...  This is NOT the subject of the post.
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You may be scratching your head and looking at your computer monitor and asking, "Okay, WHAT then?  Come on man, get to the point...  Darn you Moos!"
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Don't worry, I'll get you there, just walk with me for a couple of minutes.  Be calm and take my hand as we'll going to dark and scary places - but don't be afraid, because there is light up ahead.  
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You have nothing to fear, we will come back out the other end alive.  Slow your breathing, get your scarf, gloves, wooly hat, bundle up (it's -2 degrees currently and there's a 'Polar Vortex' just outside) and follow me as I take you to discover some...
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Scary Statistics
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I've noticed some interesting patterns over the past few years that I wanted to share with you today.  What are those patterns, you ask??? 
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Might it be that people I know seem to look 'older' while I (at least to me) remain frighteningly the 'same' as I did twenty years ago?  No isn't the case, as I wasn't always this 'good-looking'.   
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Is it that you always run out of toilet paper, napkins, and paper towels all in the same week?  No, that's a joke stolen from George Carlin from back when there WERE words you couldn't say on Television.  
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Is it that - there is an eerie consistency in the Universe, one which you'd better understand, lest it run you down?
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Hmm, yup, this might be the one...  
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Come on, it'll be okay, walk with me now.
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Did you know that...
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  • 37% Of Americans believe that houses can be haunted
  • 36% of Americans believe in UFO's
  • 32% of Americans believe that Ghosts (spirits of dead people) can come back in certain places/situations
  • 31% of Americans believe that telepathy/communication between minds without using traditional senses
  • 29% of Americans believe in Astrology
  • 26% of Americans believe in Witches
  • 25% of Americans believe in Bigfoot
  • 06% of Americans believe US Astronauts never landed on the moon
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Scared yet?  If not, don't worry, you will be soon enough...
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While the above are kind of scary, the following are truly frightening...

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  • 37% of Americans now rate the president’s handling of issues related to economic fairness as good or excellent
  • 33% of Americans believe that more government intervention can close the 'Income Gap' between rich and poor
  • 30% of Americans believe the US is 'heading in the right direction' (Down from 39% one year ago)
  • 29% of Americans believe that more government will make society 'more fair'
  • 28% of Americans believe that State of the Union speeches are important for setting the nation’s agenda for the next year
  • 27% of Americans believe it is better for the president to go around Congress if necessary to accomplish what he feels is important.
  • 24% of Americans 'strongly approve' of President Obama's performance
  • 21% of Americans believe that Congress has the 'consent of the governed'
  • 08% of Americans believe that Congress is doing a good / excellent job

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Sources:  Harris Interactive , Gallup , Rasmussen , and  CNN
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Bottom line is that after uncovering the statistics above, I'm thinking that approximately 40% of Americans should not be allowed to operate heavy equipment, drive, or otherwise 'ever leave their homes'...  
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Additionally, about 24% of 'em ought to be sterilized, just like Al Gore thinks they should.  Who would have thought that Al Gore and I would be thinking...  Alike?  
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(The only difference is, of course, that I'm KIDDING.)
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I DO, however, believe that the White House IS haunted by the cold, dead spirits of FDR, LBJ, and Woodrow Wilson.  I also believe that their ideology continues to wash (post-mortem) upon the shores of this Nation as we endure the conclusion of Jimmy Carter's Third Term.  
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Hey, one last thing before I wrap for the day...  Based upon what Michelle Obama wore to the Hate of the Union Speech the other night? 
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I'm pretty sure that she IS a witch.   I'm thinking I saw a dress 'a lot like this one' in Disney's 'The Great and Powerful Oz'...
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Oops, sorry, upon further examination, these two dresses are a bit different, and Michelle must have left her hat propped on her broom at the White House for the evening.
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Only difference is that the Wicked Witch of the West didn't scare me.  Now Michelle, on the other hand, well that's a completely different thing...
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