Saturday, February 23, 2013

Let's Moo-ve!

Image:  Newsweek Magazine

BREAKING NEWS:  February 20, 3:23pm

Reported by the WeeklyStandard.com site - "White House Credits 'Let's Move' for Halting and Reversing Childhood Obesity Trend"

Today the White House credited Michelle Obama's three-year-old “Let's Move” initiative with halting and even reversing a thirty year trend of increasing childhood obesity, a trend that has led to what the Centers for Disease Control has called an epidemic.

A press release from the Office of the First Lady announced details of a "two day nationwide tour" at the end of the month to celebrate the third anniversary of the program that promotes exercise and healthy eating habits to young people.

Michelle was so delighted with her efforts that The White House's "Office of the First Lady" issued a press release.  No, I'm not making this up.  There is apparently an "Office of the First Lady". 

Seriously, STOP laughing - I am NOT kidding. 

Check this out:

Yes, the First Lady of the United States is going on a three-day Nationwide Tour beginning February 22nd, 2013 to celebrate her personal success... 

Success in taking food out of...  Little children's mouths. 



Sorry Billy.

The First Lady's upcoming itinerary includes 'really important places to go' to celebrate her work on behalf of 'making American children hungry':



February 22nd, 2013 -  "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon", "Good Morning America" with Robin Roberts (to be broadcast on February 26th), and the "Dr. Oz" show, joined by Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan for a segment to air on February 28th. 

They're going to make a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT about bringing physical activity back into schools.  (Hey kids, remember when you're parents told you that THEY had to walk two miles uphill (both ways) in a foot of snow to school every day?  Guess what?  It's your turn!  Because it'll save gas, save the planet, and work off any 'remaining' paunch you have now that Mrs. O. has turned your Beefy Burritos into a nice, filling, Quinoa and Tofu salad!  Yumm-O!) 




February 27th, 2013 -  Hey, speaking of Yumm-O!... 

Let's go to the actual press release for this one:  "First Lady Michelle Obama will join TV personality and child nutrition advocate Rachael Ray to highlight the new healthy school lunches that are now being served across the nation. Thanks to the bi-partisan Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, championed by Mrs. Obama and Ray, and signed into law by the President in 2010, the 32 million students who eat lunch provided by their school are now seeing more fruits, vegetables, low-fat or fat-free milk varieties, and whole grains; less saturated fat, trans fat, and sodium; and proper portion size on their lunch trays."
 


To assure the safety of the Rachel Ray, Michelle Obama, and the film crew, no students will be on hand for this event.  According to one anonymous White House staff member, "We were originally going to have the children involved, but many of them were weak, others appeared to be extremely violent, and a few others kept nodding off as we attempted to film them during the course of their normal routine. 

 
Many of them had this sort of weird 'look' in their eyes...  We were happy to get out of the Elementary School alive!  Those kids looked, well they looked really MEAN and HUNGRY.  If you ever merged the DNA from the mutant-hill-dwelling characters from the original "The Hills Have Eyes" film with those brain-chomping zombies from the "The Walking Dead" TV series - yeah, it was a lot like that.  We threw them some raw steak (and hobbled a Republican to slow the kids down) and we ran back to the Obama Bus - it was really scary..."
 
[Okay, so I made that last quote up, but it doesn't mean it DIDN'T happen, now does it?]
 


February 28, 2013 - First Lady Michelle Obama will return to her hometown of Chicago to make a major announcement to bring physical activity back to schools.
 
The First Lady will be joined by Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, NIKE, Inc. President & CEO Mark Parker, Dominique Dawes, Gabby Douglas, Allyson Felix, Bob Harper, Bo Jackson, Colin Kaepernick, Sarah Reinertsen, Paul Rodriguez, Serena Williams, a surprise musical guest ["Weird Al" performing, 'FAT' live?] and thousands of Chicago area teachers and students at the event hosted by the American Alliance for Health, Physical Education, Recreation and Dance (AAHPERD) and the Alliance for a Healthier Generation.
 
In an effort to showcase the benefits of daily excercise, school children between the ages of 7 and 14 will be released into the streets of Chicago.  Then, at exactly 1:18pm a mock gun battle between the Crypts and the Bloods will erupt (including actual Assault Weapons provided by the Department of Justice!) - we'll see who the quick kids are...  They'll be the ones who return for the 2:00pm Quinoa Quiche Buffet.  The other children will learn the hard way that being overweight in Chicago...  Can KILL. 

Just another valuable life-lesson provided by your Democratic Party! 
 
[Yeah, I did it again.  Why?  Because Conservatives have been accused by Democrats and Liberals of wanting to kill the sick, the young and the elderly for years.  The irony, of course, is that the Party of the President is all for abortion, assisted suicide, Obama Care Death Panels and is for putting light bulbs into your homes, which have high levels of 'mercury' (which, by the way, CAN kill you).  So, I guess, I'm not sorry at all with my brief writing excercise above.]


There are additional upcoming dates of course, you can read about them HERE if you like.  Frankly, I'm done following the First Lady around on her "Yeah, I did that" Tour, 2013.

I would, however like to end with the following...


Two questions spring to mind:  

First, can the First Lady take credit for the fractional decrease in the weight of school-aged kids?

Second, can the President of the United States personally take ALL the credit for accomplishing this worth-while goal?

If you ask me, the second alternative is the more-likely than the first.

Why? 

Bluntly stated, there are more school-aged children living in poverty than there were four years ago. 

From the Huffington Post: "After climbing four years in a row, the U.S. child-poverty rate essentially held firm in 2011, the U.S. Census Bureau announced on Wednesday. In 2010, the child-poverty rate peaked at 22 percent. In 2011, census officials found that 21.9 percent of American children are living below the poverty line. The overall poverty rate held steady as well. According to the Census, 46.2 million people, or 15 percent of the population, live in poverty."

With almost 22 % of American Kids living in homes with incomes below the poverty line, I guess fewer parents can afford the Cheesy Poofs made famous by the South Park Kids?


In fact, could we not credit the President with this weight loss, instead of his wife?

I know a lot of folks who are eating at home and no longer going out to eat since the Summer of Recovery began in 2010.

Yes, it's been a very, very, long summer...  And according to the MoosRoom's resident Groundhound, it appears that now we're in for four years of a National Double-Dip Recession winter.  (One dip down, another on the way!)



Photo:  AP
"Yeah, a little more to the Left - Super!"

Well, winter, of course, unless you get your own private jet, multiple vacations, and private lessons with professional golfers in warmer climes while your wife takes the girls skiing...

Maybe Recovery Summer did actually begin in 2010 and everyone except the President, Joe Biden, and Congress missed it?
 

"Unable to overcome the shame of the 'Bunny Ears', Bo Obama took his own life
by breaking and eating 17 CFL bulbs from the President's Oval Office..."


And, as an aside, has anyone seen 'Bo' lately?  I'm worried about that dog.   



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