Yeah, There's an App for That

Remember when you were a kid in Grade School and your Mom made you bring those little cardboard Valentine's Day cards in for ALL the members of your class, your school Librarian, AND your Teacher (who never liked YOU anyway because your 'brother was a much better student than you will EVER be!')? 

Yeah, it WAS uncomfortable, wasn't it? 

Why? 

Well, because you had to give a card to 'Girls who were mean to you', 'Girls who were 'less than beautiful'', 'the weird kid whose head was 'kind-a, sort-a flat' on the back of her skull, one eye would never be looking at you, and, then, most uncomfortable of all...  'Other guys in your class'. 

But you were a kid, right?  Personally, I learned that on Valentine's Day giving a cheesy cut-out card was okie-dokie just as long as there were plenty of cards to go around. 

The old adage goes:  If you don't have enough for everyone, don't bring any at all! 

Yup, words to live by. 

I delivered many non-erogenous, non-homophobic, non-offensive, and non-committal Valentine's Cards throughout my early Grade School experience.  I was a card-carrying-Valentine's-deliverin'-love-machine-with-glasses-and-a-crooked-grin-Fourth-Grader.  Yes I was!  Looking back at it now, Fourth Grade was the three best years of my life...

But alas, I had to grow up.  I had to become jaded.  I had to learn that Valentine's Day was no longer a day for hand-delivered cheesy cardboard cut-out cards. 

The world, they say, has 'moved on'. 

Personally, I'd be happy with a 'Fourth Year' of Fourth Grade given the remainder of this post...

And so my post-Fourth Grade education begins.


From the New York City Health Department...

February 14, 2011 – This Valentine’s Day, which is also National Condom Awareness Day, finding free NYC Condoms will be easier than ever. Today, the Health Department launched the NYC Condom Finder, a free smartphone application designed to locate the five nearest New York City venues that distribute free NYC Condoms. The application allows users to determine their location through either global positioning system (GPS) technology on their smartphone or by manually entering an address.

The application also provides specific directions to each venue (the user can choose from walking, driving or public transportation directions), the hours of operation for each location, the types of safer sex products available and helpful tips on condom usage. With almost 1,000 condom distribution locations throughout the five boroughs currently accessible through the mobile app, New Yorkers will find that no matter where they are, they can always be protected from sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV, and unintended pregnancy.

The new application is the latest effort to promote condom use in New York City through the Health Department’s free condom distribution program. These innovative attempts began in 2007 when New York City launched the nation’s first branded city condom.

Yes, you read that last section correctly, since 2007, the Big Apple has been distributing the Nation's First Branded City Condom!

                                                                 

Yes, this is THAT condom! 

I am sooooo proud to live in New York.

Boldly going where no other City-Branded condom has gone before...

"At the signpost up ahead...  The Latex Zone..."

Okay, so here's the deal:  You can download an 'App' onto your BlackBerry (a.k.a.:  a 'RIM Device'  (YEAH, scream with me now... EWWWW!!!)), Smart Phone, iPhone, or whatever other intelligent 'hand-held' device you may fondle as you walk the streets of Manhattan and be directed to the nearest purveyor of...  FREE CONDOMS!

Yes, you read that last section correctly.  If you're looking to throw down in the Big Apple, the Big Apple wants you to keep you 'apple-like juices' to yourself.  The "City that Never Sleeps" wants YOU to sleep SAFELY (with as many partners as you can find) and yes, with the aid of your Smart Phone's built-in GPS (Give-away Prophylactic Site locator) you'll be able to quickly and safely navigate your way to the nearest FREE Condom dispensing station!  Just in case you find yourself in New York, you meet some new friends, and you decide that you're gonna just get all 'Jiggy with dem'...  Hey, it could happen, right??? 

So just the other day I'm walkin' down the street in Binghamton and I'm thinkin', "Hey, I could really use some FREE Condoms right now, you knows, just in case the day gets 'Weirder' than it already is..."   So I says to myself, "I wonder where the FREE Condoms are?  Oh, dats right, in Binghamton dere ain't no free lunch, and dere ain't no free condoms -

WHY?  Because Upstate New York still has some vague understanding of 'class'...  This may be part of the Big Apple, but it is NOT the pit like they go there 'DownState'."

So this Valentines Day, stay out of Manhattan Island because NYC has VD (Valentine's Day) on its mind - and it's mind is FILTHY-DIRTY.

Although, thinking a bit more about it, if you wanted to make a few bucks, take your SmartPhone, cruise the streets of Manhattan and fill your pockets with rubberized GOLD. 

Because while the condoms may be FREE to you, there are plenty of teenage kids who would pay good money to get their hands on a few good NYC condoms, you know, for filling with water and dropping off the side of the apartment complex onto the street. 

Right?

Sure.  Right. 

If you want to find the actual Press Release (I'm not sure WHY you would do this), you can find it here:  NYC Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy

I've got to go now, I need to shower. 

Welcome to NEW YORK STATE!  The place where innocence goes to die.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Yeah, pretty much, we're doomed.

Oprah Wants a Little Respect for the President...

Oprah Winfrey appeared last Friday morning on the MSNBC show, "Morning Joe" to either 
[Pick One]:

a.  Talk about something important to her,

b.  Sell a book,

c.  Promote her TV network spin-off, or,

d.  All of the above

Seriously, who cares? 

I stopped caring about Oprah once she gained, and then subsequently lost, her FIRST 923 pounds.  Oprah is all about selling herself, and the issues 'critically important' to her friends.

What is critically important to Oprah, as of last Friday? 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T for President Obama...

From the MSNBC show:  "I feel that everybody has a learning curve, and I feel that the reason why I was willing to step out for him was because I believed in his integrity and I believed in his heart," the influential TV host said on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” in Chicago.

Of the negative mood of the country, Oprah added, “I think everybody complaining ought to try it for once.”

She said the presidency is a position that “holds a sense of authority and governance over us all,” and that “even if you’re not in support of his policies, there needs to be a certain level of respect.”

Here's the clip from the segment:


For me, it comes down to this:  Did Oprah make the same 'plea' for respect when GW Bush was in the White House being vilified by every fringe and media group in the nation?  I can find no reference to it online - and I have looked.  There are many references to 'Emotional GW Bush defends record on Oprah', but no references to 'Oprah defends GW Bush record'. 

Interestingly enough, President Bush was on the Oprah show in November, 2010 when HE was out promoting HIS book. 



GW Bush and Oprah Winfrey (November, 2010)



The following quotes were taken directly from this appearance:

1. “The peaceful transfer of power makes America a special place.”
2. “I was honored to serve our country for eight years.”
3. “I view politics as a chapter of my life.  Not my life.”
4. “One of the sacrifices you make is loss of anonymity.”
5. “I want our President to succeed.  I love our country.”
6. “It was much harder to be the son of the President and watch my dad get criticized than to be President.”
7. “If I would have allowed the critics to affect me during the presidency, I would not have done my job as a leader.”
8. “Alcohol was crowding out my affections for my wife and my daughters.”
9. “Alcohol at times made me a fool.”
10. “My job was to protect the people.”
11. “During a crisis the leader must project calm.”
12. “I’m the Commander and Chief.  I want to be in Washington.”
13. “I would not give the enemy the satisfaction of seeing the President of the United States holed up in a bunker underground.”
14. “We had to find them and bring them to justice before they hurt us again.”
15. “Everybody thought Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction.”
16. “Often times history judges you on the decisions you make but a lot times they don’t judge you on the decisions you don’t make.”
17. “My decision (to go to combat) would weigh more heavily on me if I cared more about my political standing than completing the mission.”
18. “I made a mistake.  I should have landed (in New Orleans).”
19. “Katrina is an interesting case study of emergency management.”
20. “I want to treat my successor the way I would want to have been treated.  There will be plenty of critics and he doesn’t need me criticizing him.  I don’t think it’s good for the presidency.”
21. “I saw a problem with the mortgage market.”
22. “If you make a bad decision in the marketplace you ought to fail.”
23. “Serving as President is the honor of a lifetime.”
24. “Don’t sell your soul for the sake of politics.  Have a set of principles.  Defend those principles no matter what it might cost you in the polls.”
25. “One of my proudest accomplishments is that I didn’t sell my principles for the sake of popularity.”
26. “If you chase popularity you’re chasing something for a fleeting moment.  Principles last forever.”

I wonder, when President Obama leaves the White House at the end of his first term, will his comments resonate as openly and honestly with you, as these did for me? 

No, I don't believe that President Obama has the humility to call himself out for his shortcomings as President Bush did on the Oprah show.  The only thing wrong that President Obama sees with America is the "Arrogance of America" while traveling abroad. 

President George W. Bush was called a 'Dunce', a 'War-Monger', a 'Rube', and a 'Cowboy' by most media outlets and almost all commentators in the nation (these were some of the 'nicer' variants I heard over the past ten years). 

Yet, the quotes above ring true about the flawed man who served as our 43rd President.  I didn't agree with everything the man did, but I believe that when he did something, he did it because he felt it was right. 

I fear that President Obama's reflections will be all about "President Bush" too, insofar as explaining why President Obama was not re-elected for a second term. 

For while President Bush takes responsibility for his actions, President Obama can't help but deflect his shortcomings on the man who went before him. 

That cowboy, "George".

Click the following link for the complete article if you like, I'm done talking about Oprah and President Obama for the day, it makes me 'twitchy'...  POLITICO 44: Just a little bit

Dick, Dick Blumenthal-D, CT

Richard Blumenthal -D, CT has done it again. 

Remember when he told his Constituents that he served in Viet Nam (but no one remembered seeing HIM there?) while he was running for the Senate Seat in Connecticut?

From the Daily Caller:

Democratic Sen. Richard Blumenthal made what seemed to be a similar misstatement Tuesday, putting himself at the center of the action in the historic 1973 Supreme Court case that legalized abortion,” reports the Connecticut Mirror. “I’m new to the Senate but I’m not new to this battle,” Blumenthal said in his very first Washington press conference.

“Since the days of Roe v. Wade, when I clerked for Justice Blackmun, as a state legislator, as attorney general, I have fought this battle.” The problem with this statement is that Blumenthal clerked for Blackmun a year after he’d written the Roe v. Wade decision.
Normally when I don't know or remember specifics 'for sure' - I keep my trap shut.  Richard Blumenthal takes 'pandering to the audience' to a new level.  He just 'makes stuff up' to fit the event.

Perhaps I should invite him to this year's July 4th celebration in my town?  It'd be great to know who was the 'Coolest Founder' when our Nation was conceived.  Inquiring minds want to know, and I'm pretty sure that Richard was right there with them.  
Come on Dick, give...  Who was was the 'Hippest Founder'?

I'll be right here waiting. 

EPA (We left the 'The' out, just because...)

A day like any other.  Sitting at home one evening minding my own business when a 'wee small' voice in the back of my head says, "Mike, it's been a week since you checked your Outlook Inbox.  Shouldn't you check to see if you have any e-mail?"

"Nah, if I go in there it could get weird.  There'll be all kinds of SPAM to sort through, obtuse references to products I never will buy, and e-mails for stuff I'll spend an hour deleting through.  Better off just leaving things 'Be' as my Mom always says."

'Other' voices in my head begin arguing with the first two, cruel names are tossed back and forth like pizza dough in an upscale Italian Restaurant and then another voice drowns them all out with a hearty,  "For the love of Pete, would all of you SHUT UP?!?!  Check the Inbox, Dude, you're making me and that 'other one' NUTS!"

This final voice appears to have come from our dog, Sandy, who is sitting next to me at the Dining Room table.  She sits motionless with one paw up and the front of her lip pulled back over dangerously-gleeming teeth.  Great.  All these voices in my head an now the DOG has to get into the act. 

I'm doomed. 

"Yeah, you are, but you don't even know why yet.  Wait till you try to sit on your bed later tonight.  I left a little something on your comforter for you.  A little bit of me, you know, just for YOU.  Heh, heh, heh..."

She puts her paw down, 'chuffs' and walks back to the Living Room presumably to defile yet another piece of defenseless furniture. 

Like I said at the beginning - a day like any other. 

Soooooo, I give in to my dog, the 'voices', my better judgement and I click on the Icon which opens Outlook.  118 Messages.  Super.

Most are ads for 'stuff'.  A couple are from comments people have left as a result of my FaceBook postings and, hold on, what's this...  Cool, it's something I can USE.  A useful thing! 

It's a note from my friend, GrumpyElder, with a link to an article online AND it's right up my alley.  Maybe the voices were right (once), after all.

And this, after much literary cross-talk, brings us to today's post...

It's about the Environmental Protection Agency and the wonderful things they do...  For US. 

To bring you up to speed, here's their Mission Statement: 
"The mission of EPA is to protect human health and the environment." 

Shoot, I'm all for THAT!    (Although after re-reading the mission statement again, shouldn't it read:  "The mission of THE EPA is to protect human health and the environment"?  Just wonderin'.  You trying to tell me that with the amount of money they SPEND protecting Red-Spotted Salamanders that they couldn't have someone proofread their own Mission Statement?  Yikes!)

On their site, they have an image which overviews their mission. 

Okay, get ready for it, here it comes (I didn't make this up - it's THEIRs)...
What can we take away from this fabulous representation of 'What they do'?(When I copied the above image for inclusion here, I found that it was named, "Perf Circle".  I'm assuming that this was short for 'Perfect Circle'...  Give a Graphics Artist a Federal Grant for $1.3 Million and you too can have a Perfect Circle on your website!  Perfect!!!)
 I'll take a stab at what this Image represents:
1.  They plan 'Strategically' to do...  er, um, 'Something'

2.  They plan some more while applying 'Costs' against the afforementioned plans

3.  They set up budgets according to their 'plans' and then they 'spend' (your money, to accomplish their plans)

4.  Lastly, they 'Report' their Results to, um, someone, who is most likely, dressed as... 

A Red-Spotted Salamander
    This is him.  I call him, "Sal A. Mander".   

Why? 

Because I call everyone and everything else, "Bob".  If you've been around for a while, you'll already know this.  If you're reading for the first time, just go with the 'Sal' thing for now, I've got to finish this post some day and the voices are getting 'noisy' again...
To 'Sum Up' thus far:
1.  The EPA Plans to Spend money

2.  They budget to Spend the money

3.  They Spend the money

4.  The tell 'Sal' what they did - and HE's not talking (cause he's a Salamander)

Okay?  Good, let's moo-ve along then...

So the thing which Grumpy sent to me was this:  An article written by Thomas Sowell
(yeah, that's a link, you can click on it and read the entire thing in its entirety)

If your eyes burn from reading the post thus far, I'll shorten his post for you a bit by incorporating the most salient points of his article here:

A.  The EPA has jurisdiction and regulation over 'Oil Spills'  (think 'Gulf' spill)

B.  Oil is 'Bad'

C.  Milk contains 'Oil'

D.  Oil, from Milk is 'Bad'

E.  If you have animals which product 'Milk' you must now comply with EPA guidelines to:

*  Create a 'Milk Spill Emergency Preparedness Plan',

*  Train your 'staff' to be 'First Responders' for any 'Udderly Unfortunate Mishap',

*  Build containment facilities to capture any release of toxic substances, formerly known as:  Milk

As an added bonus, the EPA is adding staff to monitor dairy farmers' "Milk Disaster Planning" compliance and to fine anyone found to be 'Out of Compliance' with the EPA's critical need to protect all of us from a potential Tsunami of mis-handled, mis-guided, and generally mis-understood...  'Moo Juice'.

The end result is the same as always: 
"The government is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding government"
Oh, and one more thing, the Dairy Farmers forced to implement safety guidelines similar to those of 'Off-Shore Wildcat' drillers?  Yeah, someone's got to pay for their farm's 'Safety Improvements'. 

This of course, is where you, I, and my talking dog come back into the story.

In the end, the government gets a bit larger, the guys who fund the government get a bit poorer, and the 'poorest' Americans find yet another 'food stuff' inching financially away from them in their grocer's dairy aisle. 

Just another day at the office for the folks at 'EPA'. 

In conclusion [by way of a Sideways Jump in logic]: 

IF Milk contains Oil, how long will it be before we'll milking cows to fuel our vehicles? 

The Feds did it with Corn, driving up the price of another dietary staple in our country (and worldwide, since we grow a LOT of 'ears' for International Export).

I'll only drive a milk-powered vehicle if they can make the exhaust smell like Hot Cocoa. 

They can do this, count me in...

But with all those cows pumping out all that milk, what about the 'Methane'? 

I don't want to be driving behind one of those 'Methane-powered' cars. 

No siree, Bob...  Not me.