Your child returns home from a couple of hours of playing at a friend's house. He walks past you as you're putting the final touches on his favorite meal, Macaroni and Cheese.
"Hey kiddo, glad to see you're back home. Did you have a good time at Billy's house?" you ask.
"Yeah, but I'm not feeling so great" he responds as he slowly walks by.
"Okay, well, you'd better wash up because I'm making Mac and Cheese tonight!" your expectation is that this, if nothing else, will make Tommy a bit more animated...
Then you hear the words which send a shockwave of fear through your very soul, "Nah, I'm not really hungry, I think I'll just go ahead and go to sleep after I take a shower.
"You stare at the child realizing that he has either been:
a.) Taken over by lactose-intolerant space aliens,
b.) Eaten an entire frozen pizza at Billy's and is afraid to tell you about it, or
c.) Your child, your pride and joy, the heir to the throne, is getting 'sick'.
"Hey Dude, come on in here for a minute, I want to take a look at you" you request in a serious, yet friendly voice.
"Dad, I'm really tired, I just want to go to bed" he says this sheepishly but moves towards you nonetheless.
You look at little Tommy and realize that he does look tired and his cheeks are a bit 'flushed'. "Tommy, I think you might be coming down with something, what do you say we check it out?"
"Oh, come on Dad, I'm just tired, that's all. Can't I just get cleaned up and go to bed?" he asks pleadingly.
"No Tommy. We need to get you cleaned up and then we need to take your temperature to see if you have a fever. You look a little 'pink' to me, and I need to see if your temp is actually up or if you were just playing too hard at Billy's house.
"The creases in your son's face are erased as you detect the first sign of hope that maybe, just maybe, this won't be so bad at all.
"Okay Dad, but, but, butt, can we call SpongeBob Squarepants, MD?"
"Sure pal, let's dive into the old medicine cabinet and pull Dr. Squarepants out... I'll get the KY!" You say this as the concerns of the prior five minutes waft away like a half-remembered dream.
"Dad?" Tommy asks.
"Yes son" you reply.
"Can we have music tonight?" he asks.
"Dude, you can have all the music you want -- although it may be a bit muffled for a minute..."
"Thanks Dad, you're the best!"
(Dad thinkingto himself: "No Tommy. SpongeBob Squarepants is the best! But YOU'RE second-best!)
And now, the Rest of the Story...
The folks at Becton and Dickenson Medical (trusted since 1897!) have created the ultimate in children's temperature taking equipment (CTTE): The SpongeBob Squarepants Digital Thermometer!
Yes, it's true, now Patrick's (the cross-dressing StarFish) BFF can be you and your child's MFF (Medical Friend Forever) too! Don't believe me? Well then, check it out!
Click here (it's worth it!): JEEPERS SPONGEBOB THERMOMETER REVIEW!
Not wanting anyone to be senselessly injured in not knowing the correct procedures for using this, or I'm assuming, ANY digital thermometer, please accept the following instructions, courtesy of the BD website:
TAKE TEMPERATURE BY ORAL, UNDERARM (AXILLARY) OR RECTAL METHOD
Oral Method:Place thermometer probe under tongue. Probe tip should rest in "correct area" as shown in diagram. Hold the thermometer in the same spot under your tongue with your mouth closed.
Underarm (Axillary) Method:
(Alternative method for babies or very young children. Although simpler, the axillary method is less accurate and takes longer.)
Make sure the underarm is dry and there is no material between the chest and arm. Point the thermometer upward and place the tip well into the patient's underarm. Fold patient's arm over chest to hold the thermometer in place and keep air away from the underarm.
Many people find hugging the child while taking the temperature helps assure it is taken correctly and also comforts the child. When using this method, hold the thermometer securely in place for 4 minutes (ignore beeps).
(Recommended for babies or very young children who breathe through their mouth)
Lubricate the tip of the thermometer with a water soluble jelly such as K-Y® Jelly. Do not use petroleum jelly. The patient should lie on his/her side, knees slightly bent. If the patient is a baby, place the infant on its stomach with legs hanging down, either across your knees or at the edge of a bed or changing table. This positions the baby's rectum properly for safe and easy insertion of the thermometer.
With one hand, gently slide the tip of the thermometer no more than 1/2 inch into the rectum. If you detect resistance of any kind, STOP. Hold thermometer in place during temperature measurement. Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally, for sanitary reasons.
Please take a moment to allow that last line to sink in...
Your Moos of the Day blog -- Always looking out for you. (Sorry O'Reilly)
Thanks to my son, Jon (not Tommy), who found the above video link and thought it would be funny to include here.
I am so proud of him...