Clink'd

Several weeks back I wrote a couple of blog posts, the first 'Clink, Clank, Clunk' discussed pending legislation which would provide YOU a piece of TARP money for your very own! (APPLAUSE)

The second provided a DETAILED ANALYSIS (with actual facts, which I looked up! And, yes, I admit, a few I MADE up) of the plan and was entitled, simply enough, 'Clunk.'. (YET EVEN MORE APPLAUSE)

After the last post I left it alone because when it comes to giving people FREE stuff (and Congress is involved in this a LOT); well, once those wheels start turning it's hard to stop them. This being said, the bill passed the House and Senate and was signed into law by President Obama.

The interesting about the bill was HOW it was actually passed... For the purposes of accuracy I now quote the nice folks at The Washington Post:

"Congressional leaders attached the legislation to a $106 billion spending bill to fund troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. The spending bill passed by a 91 to 5 vote but not before some Republican lawmakers unsuccessfully sought to strip the measure from the bill."

"Let's not add a billion dollars of unnecessary debt," said Sen. Judd Gregg (R-N.H.) during the Senate floor debate.

Dealers, unions, trade groups and automakers have been lobbying for months for the legislation in hopes that it would stop the streak of dismal U.S. auto sales. "The simple fact is that we need to get Americans into car showrooms, and this is the bill that will do it," Rep. Candice S. Miller (R-Mich.), a co-sponsor of the legislation, said in a statement.

So the CARS Act was passed by burying it in a spending bill which provided funds to American troops in Iraq and Afghanistan... How many members of Congress would stand up and say "I will NOT fund our troops overseas and in harms way, BUT we'll give 'em a discount to upgrade their Hummers!"? Expected life expectancy of the politician making this statement is roughly the same as that of the ever-popular Mayfly.

Details of the CARS act were released on Friday of last week. Car dealers' showrooms were busy with shoppers hoping to turn in their OLD vehicle and getting their personalized TARP bailout in the amount of 3,500 or 4,500 dollars towards the purchase of a new vehicle. Unfortunately for the dealers, the Government didn't release program specifics until 7am Friday morning and NONE of them had time to read it in time to answer car shoppers' questions on Friday.

Jumping ahead a couple of days, I have heard that several local car dealerships have anywhere from 12 - 20 new deals pending (each) since announcement of the program last Friday. Gee, that's GREAT! Right?

Yeah, you'd think...

But here's the rub: Apparently whoever set up the government CARS online submission service didn't PLAN for the volume of request which are coming in. The result is that local car dealers who are entering the multiple screens of required vehicle information, insurance information, license information to verify that the vehicle qualifies for the 'Rebate' then the system BURPS and the data is gone.

The dealer begins entering the data again, and again, and again, and again...You get the picture, right?

So here's a car dealer who Congress has put on the hook for at LEAST $3,500 not knowing if he'll ever get this vehicle input online to get HIS check from the government. This, of course, to reimburse him for the commitment that he's made to the car shopper (at the request of the FEDS). If he (or she) has delivered the vehicle and doesn't get the electronic submission in prior to the $1 Billion in Rebates being used up...

Well, suffice it to say that his (or her) auto shopper got one HECK of a deal because that dealer won't be receiving a penny of assistance from Uncle Sam. AND he no longer has a re-sellable vehicle because the trade has been scrapped (again, at the request of Uncle Sam).

Thanks Mr. Dealer, you ROCK!

For those of you who think it's SUPER GROOVY COOL that the government wants to get involved in your health care, allow me to submit to you the following:

1. The guidelines for the CARS program are 136 pages long (each 'competing' health care bill is over 1,000 pages in length (no one in Congress has admitted to reading all of them as yet))

2. The government didn't adequately prepare for a $1 Billion program (I'm sure they'll do a much better job for a $1 Trillion program -- sure, what's a couple more ZEROs?)

3. The CARS program (with 136 pages in guidelines) has created the need for THREE more government divisions under the NHTSA. (Again, these THREE divisions are to manage a Congress-sponsored 136-page set of regulations).

Excerpting from the documentation provided on the CARS site: "In order to implement this new program, NHTSA has had to quickly create a new organization. NHTSA has established the Office of the Car Allowance Rebate System within the Office of Enforcement. The new office will consist of three divisions.

The Transaction Oversight Division will work closely with the contractor NHTSA has retained to review incoming requests for payment from dealers to ensure that those requests are reviewed correctly and in a timely way.

The Data Analysis and Reporting Division will review data generated in connection with the program to help ensure the system’s efficiency and detect problems with the process or indications of potential compliance issues. That division will also produce reports on all aspects of the system.

The Compliance Division will work to detect and deter possible noncompliance related to the program and coordinate closely with NHTSA’s Office of Chief Counsel when possible violations are found. That division will also coordinate closely with the DOT’s Office of Inspector General on issues related to possible fraud in connection with the program."

4. So what does the government request that the dealer do with the vehicle he/she has collected from the consumer for $3,500? "Key to the program's long-term success will be the death mandated for the clunker: After its oil is drained and replaced with sodium silicate, the engine is run until it seizes. The vehicle must be crushed or shredded."

Okay, for purposes of conversation let's assume that your car dealer isn't trying to wrangle a $3,500 check from the government to cover the $3,500 he (or she) loaned the program. Sure, the car dealer's on his (her) own -- let them haggle with the government... You got your new Mercury Milan!

But let's assume instead that you're waiting to get an organ transplant...

Do you really want the doctor doing the haggling to get you your 'part'? Or you? And now go back and re-read 'Number 4' above. What if they were talking about Y-O-U instead of your car? Personally, I don't feel too good about being 'crushed or shredded'.

Oh wait, here's an idea, how about we let the government do what they're best at -- spending our money and creating 'guidelines' for OTHER new programs (besides health care)? Maybe doctors and hospitals might possibly have a better handle on which health care options patients might actually need?

Naaaaaaaah! I trust Congress. Don't you?

07/29/09 Update: For feedback on just how well things are going with this spiffy new government-sponsored program, please feel free to visit Edmunds.com! See how your fellow-citizens are faring! Meet interesting new people! Run screaming into the street!

My oh my...

Clunk...

A few weeks ago I wrote a post entitled "Clink, Clank, Clunk" regarding the efforts of the House of Representatives' to get YOU a piece of the TARP bailout billions. Yesterday, the House (MOTTO: "There's Nooo Money Like Your Money, Like Nooo Money We Blow") approved a bill by a vote of 298 - 119 which would, in effect, give you money which, in actuality, the government 'doesn't have'.

Q.: Mike, why would the government want to give me money to buy a new car?
A.: To encourage you to buy a GM or Chrysler vehicle to protect the $50Billion they've already pumped into those two companies to keep them from failing.

Q.: Why were GM and Chrysler and GM failing?
A.: Because GM and Chrysler have made inferior products (when compared to the Japanese, Korean, and a certain American Auto Maker smart enough NOT to take bail-out money) and have on average an embedded cost of $1,700 per vehicle manufactured to pay for UAW (United Auto Workers) healthcare and benefit costs. ($1,700 PER vehicle of 'overhead' prior to ever paying for a single 'bolt' -- Sing with me now: "Look for the Union Label...")

Q.: So, are GM and Chrysler financially stable now?
A.: No. However, analysts are expecting you (oh, sorry, I meant the 'Federal Government') to pump in an additional, meager, $50 BILLION into both companies by the end of calendar 2009.

Q.: Umm, that doesn't sound good at all, does it?
A.: No. And don't ask any more annoying questions which you already know the answers to.

Q.: Will I be able to get money if I buy a new car, truck, or van?
A.: Yes, provided it gets better gas mileage than the vehicle you are driving today. (Your old 'clunker')

Q.: How much money will I get, and how much better mileage would I need to get in a new vehicle to qualify for the TARP Lotto?
A.: Under the guidelines of the current bill approved yesterday, you would receive $3,500 for purchasing a car which, on average, gets 4 or more miles per gallon than the vehicle you're trading in. If the vehicle gets 10 or more miles per gallon, you will receive a $4,500 hand-out (I, of course, mean 'incentive') from Uncle Sam.

Q.: Why is Congress doing this?
A.: There is a three-part answer to this very pesky question:
1. Because it's not their money
2. To stimulate new vehicle sales for GM and Chrysler
3. To SAVE the planet (and life as we know it)

Q.: But would I get a hand-out (incentive) if I purchased a non-GM or non-Chrysler vehicle?
A.: Umm, yes

Q.: Have GM and Chrysler designed new vehicles, re-negotiated labor contracts, and in general, lowered their associated manufacturing costs to be more competitive with Japanese manufacturers, or even (gasp!) Ford Motor Company? I guess what I'm wondering is... has anything changed with these two companies since they took their FIRST $50Billion from us? And are there any provisions on the next $50Billion they're expecting to receive?
A.: Again, please stop asking questions which you already know the answers to...

Q.: O-k-a-y. So how does this bill result in the sale of more cars for GM and Chrysler?
A.: It doesn't, but it will SAVE the planet!

Q.: Because, all things being equal, I'm buying a Japanese, Ford, or other 'off-shore' branded vehicle with higher gas mileage and lower initial cost. This wouldn't help GM or Chrysler, would it?
A.: No, but remember the planet! It will be saved!

Q.: Yeah, right.
A.: (Ding-ding-ding) I'm sorry, but you must state your inquiry in the 'Form of a question', please.

Q.: Assuming that these incentives are made available to me, can I get financing for a new vehicle?
A.: Is your credit excellent?

Q.: I've got a credit score of around 620. Is that considered 'excellent'?
A.: Ah, no.

Q.: Well, how can I pay for the car if I don't get financing?
A.: You will need to call the White House and apply for a federally-insured: "I need a new car but can't buy one because my credit isn't great and the economy is in the dumper and no one in DC seems to care and all they do is spend more money they don't have AND I can't improve my credit score by getting a better job because the economy is still in recession 'cause the Stimulus Bill didn't fix anything" loan.

Q.: Can you repeat that for me? My pen just ran out of ink.
A.: No. Just call the White House and tell them you want money.

Q.: Is it really that easy?
A.: Yeah. It's easy when it's not YOUR money you're giving away in the first place.

Q.: What will this CARS Act (Clunker Bill) cost this year?
A.: In U.S. dollars? Or, in Canadian dollars?

Q.: Do I look like I'm from Canada?
A.: Well, you don't look like an American. You don't appear to be 'needy' enough...

Q.: Come on, what's the number?!?
A.: This year the House is projecting the Clunker Bill payouts to run about $4Billion.

Q.: So will the White House spend $4Billion less on the payouts to GM and Chrysler this year? Since it's being spent on their behalf anyway?
A.: Ha, ha, ha, you are one funny guy! No, they'll spend that money too. Doing the Math in my head, that'll be approximately $72Billion in US dollars.

Q.: But didn't you say it was $50Billion PLUS $4Billion, wouldn't that be $54Billion?
A.: We're talking about the government here. You forgot the seed capital for the new "Gas From Cows" Bill. And before you ask, it's really long tube to collect 'Gas from Cows' to power electrical generators and...

Q.: Save the planet?
A.: Exactly!

Q.: Does the Federal Government have it? You know, the money?
A.: The presses are rolling as I type this.

Q.: Sigh
A.: No, that's incorrect, correct question was 'Sigh?'

For an overview of this Boondoggle in the making, here's the article I found on MSN.com this morning... Clunk

Clink, Clank, Clunk...

This just in to the Moos Room: The House of Representatives is currently working on legislation that will allow YOU to get a cut of TARP dollars!

Sure, why not?

Q.: Do you own a vehicle?
Q.: Does it, um, run? (Although I don't honestly know if this is a requirement -- it's a government proposal after all and a vehicle which does not run, uses no gas! This, according to the Obama Administration is an EXCELLENT vehicle!)
Q.: Would YOU like to have a new car, truck, or van?
Q.: Can you make your children 'smaller' than they used to be? (Because you'll be 'right-sizing' them to fit into your new Honda Fit.)

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, the U.S. House of Representatives (Motto: "We represent YOU, so YOU don't have to think for yourself") has a DEAL for you! Your old vehicle may be worth CASH! Yes, you too can get your hands on a little 'TARP CASH' (makes sense, since, ah, it's your money already) but it's cold hard cash, all the same.

(Warning: You'll need to BUY a car, truck, or van to qualify for the big cash payout. You'll need to spend money to get money. Sounds like something my wife came up with...)

Plan on bringing about $25,000 - $35,000 to the dealership with you. Make yourself at home and feel free to take the flat screen LCD TV from the GM or Chrysler Dealership service area waiting area when leaving, since in reality, it belongs to you now. The dealership is okay with this, I just checked. Go ahead, go for it. (Bring screw-drivers)

One last 'GOTCHA': You'll 'probably' need to have a job to qualify for new vehicle financing. (Although, if you buy a house, this 'unfair lending requirement' for funding by Fannie and Freddie has been waived (but I think they may have fixed this -- I'll get back to you)). EMPLOYMENT TIP: I hear that the Federal government is hiring.

Those 'wacky folks' in the U.S. House are looking to pass legislation which will allow YOU to get really STUPID trade-in rebates if you purchase a more fuel-efficient vehicle than the one that you are currently driving.

How stupid (from a strictly monetary perspective)?

Well, let's look, shall we?

Purchase a vehicle with 2+ MPG than today's: $3,500
Purchase a vehicle with 4+ MPG than today's: $4,500

But don't worry, it's the GOVERNMENT'S MONEY, it's not like it's YOURS!

Won't you feel great when you find that your neighbor who's currently in bankruptcy (and living in her house for free) gets 20% to 25% off the price of her new vehicle (because she's living with her boyfriend who HAS a job but wasn't on the mortgage in the first place so he's living for free too), but you can't buy a new car because YOU are stupid enough to actually pay your bills every month?!Yeah, I think that's just swell too! (Why DID I stop drinking?)

Q.: But seriously, who in their right mind would want to support a Bill that gives MORE money (that hasn't been printed or funded yet) away, and WHY?

A.: Apparently the Bill has bi-Partisan (maybe 'bi-Polar'?) sponsors in the House AND President Obama thinks it's just GREAT! This will allow folks to buy more fuel-efficient vehicles, stimulate the economy, AND save us about 42 barrels of fossil fuels per year! (Representing approximately 2 T-Rex, 1 Terradactyl, and 3 Triceratops -- that's REAL savings!)

So if you hear about the 'Cash for Clunkers' program working it's way through Congress? Yeah, this is the one... Here's a tongue-in-cheek article written by a 'car guy' that you can read if you like. (Whoa, really long embedded link, eh?)

Remember: Knowledge is power. I can be used by you, or it can be used against you. (Except in Congress, where common-sense knowledge will be used in SPITE of you.)

And please, take this money from the Government and help us save the dinosaurs, before they're all gone...

Moo