Suffer the Little Children

I was wrong.  I 'misunderestimated' the devastating impacts of the Sequestration on other Americans.   
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I honestly never KNEW it could get this bad. 
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WashingtonTimes.com reports:  The White House announced Tuesday that it was canceling all public tours of the president’s home because of the sequester spending cuts.
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“Due to staffing reductions resulting from sequestration, we regret to inform you that White House Tours will be canceled effective Saturday, March 9, 2013 until further notice. Unfortunately, we will not be able to reschedule affected tours,” the White House said in an email.
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...
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As President Obama was returning from visiting wounded veterans at Walter Reed Medical Center, a reporter shouted a question about the decision to cancel the tours as Mr. Obama was walking from Marine One to the Oval Office.. 
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He simply smiled and waved. 
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Yes, the President of the United States has now declared 'The People's House' off limits to, We the People.
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Well, that'll show US!
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In response (according to WhiteHouseDossier.com):  Rep. Louis Gohmert (R-Texas) introduced an amendment to the fast-moving continuing resolution spending bill that would bar funding for President Obama’s golf outings until the White House reopens for public tours.
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Gohmert, who announced his amendment from the floor of the House, said Americans, whether Republicans or Democrats, will be greatly disappointed to come to Washington and not be able to get their tours of the White House. Many tours are planned well in advance.
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The amendment states:
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None of the funds made available by a division of this act may be used to transport the president to or from a golf course until public tours of the White House resume.

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Gohmert cited an estimate by Sen. Jeff Sessions, the ranking Republican on the Senate Budget Committee, that 341 federal employees could have avoided being furloughed had Obama not traveled to Florida for a three-day golf extravaganza.

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In a 'sort of related' story...  As of this afternoon, White House Spokesman Jay Carney has still NOT been able to explain why the Department of Homeland Security placed an order for $50 MILLION in new TSA agent uniforms (at a cost of approximately $1,000 per TSA employee), days before the Sequester kicked in.
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Maybe the $50 MILLION is for a LOT more of those surgical gloves?

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I wonder if perhaps a better tact would have been for TSA agents to forgo their new 'duds' and allocate a portion of this $50 MILLION towards the volunteers who host these tours of the White House? 
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But wait, don't volunteers normally work for FREE? 
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Even if they work 'on the cheap', I've got to figure that it'll cost something less than $50 MILLION to run groups of kids through a building their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents have contributed to for all of their lives, right?  I mean, it's not like we have to hire temporary security guards to watch the kids, I'm assuming that there is a LOT of security running around at the White House. 
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In 2010 WE funded over $310 MILLION in upgrades to the White House - I'd like to see how my money was spent.  If nothing else, I'd to get in an take a fork or something while my tour guide isn't paying attention.
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This Administration has been 'forking me' for a while, it's about time I 'forked them' for a change.   
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As lunch is officially over...  "Poke me with a fork - I'm done."
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Homeland Insecurity

"This glove's for YOU!!!"

Remember the truly great Teams from the past?

• Bob Hope & Bing Crosby,
• Bud Abbott & Lou Costello,
• Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers,
• Roy Robers & Trigger,
• Dan Rowan & Dick Martin,
• Sonny Bono & Cher,
• The Captain &Toni Tenille,
• Bert & Ernie,
• Reese's Peanut Butter Fluff & Milk Chocolate,
• Dr. Evil & Mini-Me
• Count Chocula & Frankenberry,

and last, but not least,

• Lady Gaga & her 'Meat Dress' 

Lada Gaga - Such a 'Rare Treat'...

Yes, classic combinations each!!!  And the thing of it is that none of these people / items / food groups were as popular alone as they would ultimately become once they discovered their 'Soul Mate', their 'Better half'. 

In the prophetic words of Dr. Evil, "Mini-Me, you complete me." 

Each of the above referenced combinations were 'completed' once they found, and internalized, their complementary missing 'part'. 

Yings firmly aligned with Yangs, and the rest, as they say, is 'history'... 

After all, the (w)hole is greater than the sum of its respective parts...  [Hey, speaking of 'Holes'!]

I am not exactly pleased to announce that yet another great pairing has taken place.  An epic joining of two giants who will ultimately make the world a Weirder (but probably not safer) place.  

Yes, ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, I am here to announce that the friendly gropers at the TSA have voted to be 'represented by'...

The AFL-CIO  

Go ahead, I'll give you a moment to let that sink in...

Yes, in order to form a more perfect Union, 40,000+ TSA workers voted last week to select the AFL-CIO to represent their 'interests' going forward. 

Surprisingly enough the Obama Administration approved 'Organizing' for the TSA on February 4th of this year.  In the past (under a prior administration), the TSA was not allowed to organize because, gosh golly, their jobs are so darn crucial to our country's airport security needs.  Shoot, if you were a 95 year old cancer patient, who WOULDN'T to remove your Depends in order to prove you don't have an Uzi in your 'Underoos'?  They're lucky it wasn't me (or is it I?) in that wheelchair, I would have cooked something up for them right on the spot.  "Oops, sorry sonny, did I get pooh on your pretty blue glove?"
Yup, so now, if you ever THINK about suing a TSA worker for 'Touching your Junk', or 'Groping your six year old daughter' in violation of your, and her, 4th Amendment protections... 

You need to 'get over it' - because they're represented by the AFL-CIO and they don't take "No _ _ _ _ from Nobody".  Although, I'd be happy to crank one out for 'em after a couple of rounds of airport food.

Not their 'Actual Moto' but like they say,
"Close enough for Government work."

     
It's not that you don't have rights... 

You have PLENTY of rights! 

Come on, don't get so gloomy!!!  Turn that frown upside down!!! 

In the above instance, after all, you have the "Right to Remain Silent"!  Because the TSA will be using the resources of the AFL-CIO to help them settle un-called-for and 'messy' legal disputes about 4th Amendment violations. 

But here's the thing (yeah, I know, I always toss in a 'thing', sorry):  You don't get to vote on whether the TSA is represented by thugs or not, but in November 2012, you will have the right to vote (except in certain polling places in PA) to either continue the policies of the past 30+ months, or to make a course correction. 

How you vote is up to you.  I'm not going to tell you how to vote because, well, you're an adult and you can make up your own mind about how this government's been treating YOU lately.   

I guess all I'm saying is that I don't feel terrily 'good' about the Union controlling my access to an airplane.  It's NOT terribly dissimiliar to the Union Bosses who told Sanitation Workers in New York to 'slow down the clean-up' resulting in accidents,  property damage, revenue losses, and yes, even deaths, during 2010's blizzard.  What mischief could Union politics conjour up when you're trying to get home to Grannie's for Thanksgiving?  (Note to self:  Better pack my own Depends, 'cause I might be on the plane for a REALLY long time if someone files a grievance with the Union while I'm waiting on line.)

No, I don't feel too good about that at all...

"Look for the Union Label, when you are..."  Yes, check out the following ad: 

AFL-CIO Union Ad August, 2008

Funny, but I have MORE than 'two things' which I would like to protect.  You'll find the abbreviated list here:

1. My family,
2. My religion,
3. The US Constitution,
4. The US borders,
5. The Nation - to pass on to my kids

Yes, you could say that my goals are a 'bit' more grandiose than my friend, Mike D., above.  But in America, our goals / dreams should be larger than those expressed by Mike,. the Union Dude. 

His wanting a gun and a job (is this guy a card-carrying NRA Republican?)  Nope, even if he were his ambitions are not quite grand enough... 

How about the following? 

“Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Currently, our country appears woefully short on dreams.  Perhaps it's time to shake ourselves awake and re-visit the dreams of our Founders?
 

“Anyone who trades liberty for security deserves neither liberty nor security” -- Benjamin Franklin 

We sleep at our peril.  Liberties taken for granted (for generations) continue to be leeched away by the Obama Administration with the promise that changes made are for our 'good' -whether we like them or not...

I, for one, do not.  

There has never been a clearer choice.  Four more years of
President Obama's Administration will bankrupt our kids' future.
Not that there's anything wrong with THAT...

   

TSA Travel Fashion Tips!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!  Do you know what time it is?!?!

That's right, it's time for some Fashion Tips to get you through the Summer Travel season!!!

(Come on, click the video, then read the rest of the post...  But I warn you, the song is infectious)

Hey folks, what are you doing this upcoming 4th of July weekend!?!? 

Well, I'm thinking that you might be traveling to visit family, or, perhaps, just to get away from it all in some far-away corner of the globe. 

If so - this post's for YOU!!!

A couple of safe-travel tips first:

FIRST:  If traveling with small children make sure that they are aware of the new safety guidelines which Janet (don't call me 'Napoleon') Napolitano has put in place for...  THEIR SAFETY!!! 

Be sure to pick up the following easy-to-understand TSA Travel tips for kids at your local TSA office.  You won't be able to find it though because it's a 'secret place'.

How do you know which of the TSA brochures is the right one for your pre-schooler?

Well, because it looks like THIS!

Yes, it's the Homeland Security "My First Cavity Search!" booklet!  This helpful guide is designed to help your child understand why he or she is a threat to our national security.  "Bon voyage little terror suspect have a great vacation!"


That's right!  Your crumb-muncher will read (in advance!) about his first-ever cavity search! 

Imagine his (her) surprise when he finds out that you're NOT taking him to the Dentist to look for that 'Cavity'!  Yow-za!
SECOND:  Moms and Dads will want to be ready to travel as well!  So what do THEY need to do to prepare prior to flying the Friendly Skies???

Since the TSA has implemented these 'completely non-invasive' warrantless searches - you'll want to be prepared to get 'All nekked' in front of strangers!  Imagine the joy you'll have this holiday season as TSA agents view your 'bunny' and your wife's 'eggs' under the healthy, warming glow of...

Low-level RADIATION!!!

You ask the man staring at the monitor, "Excuse me, Mr. TSA Guy, um, how do I look?  Everything OK under there?"

TSA Guy responds, "Yeah, yeah, you look like every other middle-aged naked man I've groped, um, I mean, seen today.  Seriously, YOU are nothing special, but you should have seen the Venus Swimwear model who came through here for the 11:18 SouthWest flight to Philly! 

She gave me and my iPhone some n-i-c-e photos!  She's gonna be on my birthday party invitations this year photo-shopped in next to my Saint Bernard and my Mom; whom I happen to live with. 

Do you think that's odd?" he asks.

You, "Um, no.  Can I put my arms down and LEAVE now?"

TSA Guy says, "In a minute, but I think I saw something sticking out of your rump.  I'm going to have to get a closer look..."[Sound of surgical gloves being snapped on]


THIRD:  So what can YOU do to avoid the hassle of TSA searches this summer?  Well, unless you're a member of Congress...  Not much. 

Although, as with most other random acts of stupidity foisted upon us by folks with IQ's not bright enough to fire up a 7watt light bulb, the EVIL FREE MARKET is coming to your aid. 

Yes, entrepreneurs from across the land are selling products designed to amuse, enrich, and possibly 'aggravate the heck' out of the poor schmoes having to adhere to the witless act of screening Irish Nuns and gurgling infants as potential Terrorist suspects.  HOW? 

Check it out:  Yes, it's the 4th Amendment Line of Protest Clothing for guys, gals, and kids of all ages!!!  You're not sure what the 4th Amendment says?  No problem! 


The miscreants setting up these legislative infractions of your rights never read past the 1st Amendment -- they're very BUSY people!!! 


They can't be worried about reading about Continents, Commandments, OR Amendments!  There's much to be done, and sooooo little time in which to pass goofy legislation for... 


OTHERS

Yes, the entire Fourth Amendment on your Chest!

If you're a William Jefferson Clinton Fan, you'll be happy to know that yes, the underoos come in BOXERS too!!!







If you're the 'Graeco-Roman' type, how about a nice pair of metallic-lined fig leaves to cover your 'JUNK'?  Personally, I'm not a fan of these, I'm thinking that I may sweat a lot with all that metal covering my 'bits' and my underoos could 'rust'. 







How about the"Read the 4th Amendment -- Perverts" edition of shorts?!?!  Tell them what you think as they're viewing your 'nether regions' without saying a word! 

Sure, you're gonna get a cavity search for this bit of humor, but if you read the above "My first cavity search" to your child, you're pretty much prepared for what comes next.  You may want to pack your own personal 'lubricant' for this bit of 'Travel Excitement'!   







While you're scoring BIG points with the TSA, why not have handy business cards printed up to give to the agent on duty as you approach the gate for your flight?  This way, when he or she violates your 4th Amendment Rights, you'll the decency to let THEM know 'up front' that they are violating the Constitution and your civil rights. 



Fair warning though, this card will most likely cause you to miss your flight, your wife and children fly off to Mexico, she'll meet a fisherman named Manuel (who really IS a nice guy after all), and your 'cavities' will be searched 'repeatedly' as TSA Agents laugh at your naive arrogance thinking that YOU knew more about your rights than they did.

Silly you.

You should have either driven to Disney, or run for Congress if you didn't want THIS kind of treatment.  In the end, either option is as 'make-believe' as the other. 

Mickey Mouse isn't a real Mouse (sorry kids), and suprisingly, Charles Rangel-D, NY isn't a real Congressman (sorry Harlem) - he's a Space Alien (an 'illegal' Space Alien). 

Not much else can explain what this fleshy-headed-mutant does.

Oh, but you, you have safe travels wherever you go!  (FREE ADVICE:  You really should think about driving!  No, NOT kidding!!!)


Oops, Manuel just called, he's looking for your wife. 

Yup, you should have driven to Disney!!!

I guess there's always Amtrak? 

You should have listened to me...