April Showers

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As I type this, it is 32 degrees outside my dining room window.  Spring IS coming, but it's been delayed (or, possibly, distracted?). 
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There's too much going on.  Too much to see.  Too much to hear.  Too much reality going on 'out there'.   
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To paraphrase a photo I saw on FaceBook last week, Spring of 2013 has had a "Failure to Launch". 
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We should blame ourselves - yes, that's what I said.  You read this correctly.  Weather on our planet is OUR fault,  it is not simply some mischievous global whim of nature. 
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If you believe the one-time "Global Warming" Bunch (a.k.a.: today's "Global Climate Change" folks) we MUST blame ourselves.  For if we truly have the power to change the Earth's climate for the 'ill', we must, therefore, also have the ability to change the climate for the 'good' - right?
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And you know me, I always choose 'good' over 'ill'.  Yeah, that's how I roll...
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It is in this spirit of this 'good choice' that I offer the following...  
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Earth-Saving 'Suggestion'
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Turn off the lights in North Korea.  Save the planet.  Heal the Earth. 
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Yeah man.  Cool.
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Peace - Love - Dope.  Yes, it's all here.
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REUTERS, April 20, 2013, 11:53pm:  North Korea moves two more missile launchers
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North Korea has moved two short-range missile launchers to its east coast, apparently indicating it is pushing ahead with preparations for a test launch, a South Korean news agency reported on Sunday.

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South Korea and its allies have been expecting some sort of North Korean missile launch during weeks of heightened hostility on the Korean peninsula.
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...
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The North moved two mid-range Musudan missiles in early April and placed seven mobile launchers in the same area, Yonhap said. A North Korean show of force could be staged to coincide with the anniversary of the founding of its army on April 25.
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Not wanting to be overshadowed by a couple of fun-loving Chechen / Muslim / Pot-Smoking / Rap music-loving Terrorists killing Americans in Boston, Kim Jung Un wants to get back into the International Spotlight. 
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The question is - what is the best way to do this?
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Something COMPLETELY other than the 'norm' - like... 
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• Moving missiles around
• Threatening US Allies (and US bases)
• Finally, having your photograph taken while standing behind your secret weapon

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Your red and white... Pokemon Pikachu capsule.
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"Pika - Pika!"  Yeah.  We're in trouble now. 
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Given the severity of this latest Pokemon threat from North Korea, I humbly submit the following recommendation to the US Military, President Obama, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff:. Turn off the lights in North Korea.  Save the Planet.  Heal the Earth. .I'm even attaching a list of steps and (BONUS!) a visual aid to assist in the attainment of this worthwhile goal..

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STEPS TO SAVING THE PLANET:

1. Load planes with HUGE bombs
2. Launch planes from many places simultaneously
3. Leave just before dark
4. Arrive over North Korea at night
5. Wherever you see lights - drop bombs

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As discussed here, the actual bombing of the 'important parts' of North Korea should take no more than six minutes as there is only one area of the country which has electricity...
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Missile launchers on trucks may prove to be a bit more problematic as they are scattered throughout the country and along the coastline.  Perhaps a 'Dawn Attack' would be an appropriate military tactic to knock these sites out? 
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I'm thinking that we should be sending in Zodiac boats full of Hershey Candies, Yuengling Beer, Cigarettes, and McDonald's Happy Meals to the coastline areas where these missiles are located.  We could then distract the well-trained (yet starving) members of the North Korean military long enough to hijack and drive their missile launchers into the sea.   
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To aid in targeting I've included a large red arrow (above) with the words "Bomb Here" in the night-photo of North Korea.  Hopefully these detailed instructions will not confuse President Obama or his staff.

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The beneficial effects of these attacks will be immediate and extensive:

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1. South Korea will have more real estate upon which they can build more Hyundai and Kia vehicles to ship to...  US
2. Bad haircuts will once again be outlawed (sorry Kim)
3. My McDonalds' stock value will increase, having opened new markets in the newly 'unified' Korea   
4. One fewer dictator will be attempting to play 'Catch Up' with Muslim Terrorists over here
5. Finally, the bombing run on Pyongyang will throw millions of cubic feet of soil into the air, blocking the sun's rays, lowering the Earth's surface temperature and, you guessed it, "Healing the Earth", simply by turning Pyongyang's lights out - for good. 

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Granted, it's not a perfect plan, but I felt the need to do my part to secure the future for our children.

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My only concern is that once we're done with North Korea Iran will be waiting in the wings for their own 'Earth Healing' moment. 

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If we put too much soil into the air, the Earth will cool too much, plants will die and then...  The dinosaurs will become extinct.

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Whoa - too late.  Who saw THAT coming? 

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The Earth's first 'Politically-Correct-Progressive-Entity' passed away 65 Million years ago today - film at Eleven.

"CLICK"

The post goes dark...

The Problem with Pineapple

"Scientific name: Ananas comosus"

For the record, I am not a fan of the 'pineapple'.  

I will admit to eating other different types of 'worked on' fruits such as:  apples (applesauce), blueberries (pancakes, syrup, or pie), cherries (pie or tarts), lemons (used in cooking or in a tasty meringue pie), limes (key lime pie), or pears (Bartlett, stuck in a can, soaked in syrup, and stored for YEARS in your grocer's canned fruit aisle). 

I like my fruit 'worked on'.  I don't know why this is, but I do know that it most certainly IS the case.  Perhaps it is because each of the above fruit products have a healthy injection of sugar or high-fructose corn syrup?  Yes, I guess this could be the reason...  Or, it could be that the majority of the above make their way into PIE?  Who doesn't like pie? 

The other reason that I like them could be because these other fruits are NOT pineapples?  Yes, this could be it also.   

Getting back to my disdain for the Hawaiian-born pineapple:  I have no desire whatsoever to toss bits of these things into my open gob.  And before you go there, no, it has nothing to do with the fact that President Obama is from Hawaii (wink-wink!), it has more to do with the fruit itself - it's very genetic 'design' confounds me. 

Yes, I have several beefs when it comes to pineapples... 

Beef #1:  First, you have this hard, spiky outside which may (or may not) be ripe when you buy it.  How do you know if the thing is ripe or not?  Well, if I knew this, perhaps I wouldn't have a Beef #1 with this Hawaiian super fruit?  My wife told me once that if you pull one of the green industrial-strength leaves out of the top of one of these organic hand-grenades 'easily' that it may be ripe.  If it doesn't come out at all it's not ripe, and if it falls out too easily, it most likely has some kind of tiny mutant spider infestation living in its foliage which you don't notice until they latch onto your fingers, scurry up and burrow into your skin, lay their eggs and then the larva begin to...  Migrate inward.  

Agh, let's just say I don't like pineapples, okay?    

Beef #2:  The inside of the fruit is a happy, sunny-yellow color.  Okay, I'm good with this, but this pineapple thing has a 'steel-like core' running through the middle of it and the outside, as stated above, is covered with hard pricky-things.  So if you want to eat it, you have to cut out the core, cut off the outside, and then hope you end up eating something which is 'not core' or 'not pricky'.  

I'm pretty sure that if you accidentally swallowed the 'bad part' of the pineapple that you would either choke, or if you are lucky enough to get this 'steel-core-pricky-fruit-clot' down your gullet, you'd have to chase it down with something like 52 shots of Orange-Flavored Metamucil and six gallons of water - just to move things along. 

Unfortunately, drinking six gallons of water in an afternoon WILL kill you, but after the 48th Metamucil shooter, you'll want to be dead any way.  

Don't ask me how I know this.  

Beef #3:  Yes, now we come to the one reason that decided it all for me.  The BIG ONE that necessitated that I swear off pineapples for the rest of my life...

But first - a little back-story for you (don't worry, we're getting there): 

Five years ago my middle son asked if he could get a dog of his very own.  "But son, we already have a wonderful dog, we call her, Kelly.  Haven't you met her?  She's the large, fuzzy member of our family who barks at you when you come in from school at the end of every day."

"Yeah, I know Dad, but I want a dog of my own.  A small dog who can sit on my lap, sleep on my bed, and who I can train and take care of.  This dog will be my dog and I will do everything for him / her." he said this last statement with such earnestness I almost believed him.  Of course, having been a teenage boy once myself, I knew better.

"No.  No more dogs, we already have one, and we are a single-dog family.  It's our limit."  I said this and then I walked away - this conversation was over - Dad has spoken the final words on the matter.

Twenty minutes later, in another part of the house as Dad pays bills downstairs... 

"Mom?"

"Yes Jon?"

"Can I have a dog of my own?" he asks.

"What kind of dog would you like?" she asks the boy with large eyes and hopeful expression...

"A rescue dog.  A dog that needs a second-chance at life.  A dog who needs a family like ours, and a boy like me to take care of him." he says this without stumbling a single time, he has rehearsed the speech in his head prior to speaking to his Mother.

"Oh, I don't know, have you asked your Father?" she says.

"He said whatever you say is fine!  He thought it would teach me responsibility!" the boy gushes / fibs.

"Well, I don't know..." 

Yes, everyone knows what happens next, Mom cracks and Dad is conned into adopting a two-year old rescue dog found wandering the streets in Ohio.  The dog is 'interesting looking' (in a Star Wars' bar-scene-kind-of-way) having a beagle face, tiger stripes of brown and black, and white socks.  Okay, the dog is cute (once you get passed the initial shock of seeing her for the first 613 times).  But between you and me, I thought she was some kind of laboratory experiment gone terribly wrong for the first couple of years she was here... 

She, Sandy Woo, grew on us and ultimately became part of the family.

Only one problem:  When a dog is starving and has nothing to eat, it will eat whatever it finds laying around.  AND when you're a stray dog, living around other stray dogs, with no major food source to speak of, you find 'things' lying around which you learn to eat.  In this case, small, elongated-roundish things, things which smell 'bad'.

Okay, we learned that our little adopted dog had a knack for 'Recycling' any of our big dog's poop which was left lying around the back yard. 

There, I said it out loud - our little rescue dog was a pooh-eater.

So I did what any responsible poop-eating dog 'Sponsor' would do, I took her to the Veterinarian's office and asked the question, "How do I get the little dog to stop eating her big sister's 'droppings'?"

"Oh, she's one of THOSE dogs, eh?  Well, you could follow Good Dog Kelly around the back yard with a shovel, or..."  the Veterinarian's voice trailed off for a moment as she steeled herself to tell me one of the great secrets of life.  "Have you tried pineapple?" she asks.

"Personally?  No, I don't like pineapple - so much so that I've thought I should write a post about it one day..." I say.

"No, not for you.  For your dogs." the Veterinarian continued.

"Sorry, I don't get it.  Should I give her one of those spiky, nasty pineapples to keep with her in the back yard to play with, or something?  Will that keeping her from eating pooh?"  I ask.

"No, you need to cut up pineapple and put it in both of their bowls when you feed them." she said.

"Can they eat pineapple?  I mean I don't WANT to eat it, and I really like my big dog quite a lot - this little one, well if she got sick my son would be bummed, but she does tend to pee in the house quite a bit and...  Oh, sorry, what good will that do?" I ask, hoping the answer will not be what I thought it would actually turn out to be. 

"When dogs eat pineapple and 'pass it' - it makes the poop taste bad." she says this with a face completely lacking any hint of expression.

"So you're telling me that pineapple makes poop taste worst than excrement NORMALLY does?" I ask, hoping to catch up on the enormity of what I'm hearing. 

"Yes, pineapple makes poop taste bad." she says, her face still devoid of the smirk I was expecting.

"You're serious?  Really?"  I continue to have a hard time grasping this concept.

"You are paying for this exam, why would I lie to you?"

"Yeah, good point." I say in response. 

Really, what more could be said?  I was paying for advice, and here it was.  Time to put the plan into action, a quick stop at the grocery store, several cans of pineapple packed in a 'light syrup' and several days into the 'experiment'...

It works. 

Beef #3 Continued:  I don't eat pineapple because, according to my dogs, it makes poop 'taste bad'. 

And if something makes dog poop taste 'bad', I pretty much want no part of it.


The rest of the story is, of course, that my boy who wanted the rescue dog of his very own is now in the US Navy, stationed in Japan.  His dog is now 'mostly' my dog.  She still follows her twelve-year old big sister around in the yard, not looking to pick up anything which hits the ground, but rather out of a comfortable partnership which one acquires after years of constant exposure. 

They are friends.  We are family.  Our floors have been 'wee' free for years, the house is alive with the sound of clicking paws (not quite as quick as they once were but still at a pretty good clip for a couple of girls both past middle-age) and we are all used to each other.  All is well with the world.   

My son put photos on FaceBook of a dog he just bought in Japan.  His dog is a Japanese breed called a Shiba Inu. 

His name is Sho.

  


My son tells me that while he is at work 'Sho' relieves himself out the side of his kennel onto the floor in his apartment.

Good Sho. 

Maybe I should send him a couple of cans of pineapple?

Just in case Sho gets bored...

And hungry.

Bon Appetite!

I'm Sooooooo Lucky

The first letter is an, "L",  right?

I received the following e-mail. 

Apparently, I'm a Millionsaire!!! 

So if I post nothing else in the near future, you'll understand why. 

And don't go running off an contacting MS Moor below, this money is MINE, MINE, all MINE!

So there...

Go find your own lucky shamrock - this one belongs to me! 

__________________________________________________________

April 4, 2013

Attn: Payment Notefication Alert

This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract/inheritance funds files and found out that you have not received your approval funds the sum of $1.5 millions dollars.

Please be inform that the said amount have be programmed through ATM CARD Visa Master Card, therefore you advise to forward your full name, address,country and direct telephone number to MS Elizabeth E Moor and negotiate a means to dispatch the approval Visa Master card to you.
 

FULL NAMES: __________________________________
DELIVERY ADDRESS FOR ATM CARD: __________________
SEX: _______________
DATE OF BIRTH: __________________
OCCUPATION: __________________
TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________

EMAIL ADDRESS: _____________________

contact info status below

Contact Person: MS Elizabeth E Moor
Email: ( ben_a@yahoo.cn )
+234-70392-48694


Regards

Williams White
special adviser
M.F.S.A

__________________________________________________________


I'd probably feel better about the e-mail if the spelling was correct, the syntax made sense, and if the phone number had fewer than 12 digits, but hey, for this kind of money, it must be real!!!

Farewell, so long, I'm off to hear my song (I'm hiring Billy Joel to perform at dinner this evening for me and the family). 

TTFN and Goodbye forever!

Mike

p.s.:  If the unlikely event that this turns out to be a SCAM...  Can I borrow $1,500 to replace the funds I just wired to Nigeria? 

Thanks, that's really swell of you.  You're the best!

Not that I'll need it, as I'll be a "Millionsaire!"

Navigating ObamaCare

What a difference a few weeks' make?
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Several weeks' ago I sat here in my red flannel pajamas typing a post celebrating the third birthday of ObamaCare and here I am today... 
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Wearing the same PJ's, and revisiting ObamaCare once more!  For those of you wondering, YES, the PJ's have been washed several times since the original post was written but thanks for going there - nice.  It's good to have friends. 
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As I have changed my PJ's several times during the prior couple of weeks (just in case you're wondering), ObamaCare has changed too. 
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It has progressed. 
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Its pulse is palpable, its heart thuds weakly as it awaits beneath the sheet on the gurney.  It awaits its Master to pull the chains which will raise it to the highest precipice of the castle where electricity will force it to take its first, shuddering, breath of life.  Its consciousness, not fully formed, stirs, awaiting for the moment when its eyes will open and it learns of its purpose, "Must help sick people.  Must lower medical costs.  Must manage expenses."  
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Beasts conceived in the imagination of men often escape into the wilderness. 
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Then, of course, they return...  Cold, angry, hungry, and looking to commit violence upon their Creators.
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Well, at least that's what I heard...
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But, hey, this is ObamaCare we're talking about, not some gothic novel, right?  What's wrong with a little Federally-Mandated Compassion? 
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It's for our own good, isn't it???
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Repeat the beast's mantra with me... 

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"Must help sick people. Must lower medical costs. 

Must manage expenses..."

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Repeat as necessary and call me in the morning.
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Just don't call me THIS morning, for I've got something else for you...
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WashingtonExaminer.com, April 3, 2013:  
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Tens of thousands Obamacare 'navigators' to be hired.
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Tens of thousands of health care professionals, union workers and community activists hired as "navigators" to help Americans choose Obamacare. 
The 63-page rule covering navigators, drawn up by the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, also said the government will provide free translators for those not fluent in English -- no matter what their native language is.
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"The proposed requirements would also include that such entities and individuals provide consumers with information and assistance in the consumer's preferred language, at no cost to the consumer, which would include oral interpretation of non-English languages and the translation of written documents in non-English languages when necessary to ensure meaningful access," said the regulations.. 
The rules also addressed conflict of interest and other potential issues that navigators could face as the public's first stop on the Obamacare trail.
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It is still not clear how many navigators will be required. California, however, provides a hint. It wants 21,000.
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That could be an expensive proposition. The proposed rules, now open for public comment, suggest an estimated pay of $20-$48 an hour.
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...
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The rules allow navigators to come from the ranks of unions, health providers and community action groups such as ACORN and Planned Parenthood.
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They are required to provide unbiased advice.
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"Unbiased advice" from community action groups, ACORN, and Planned Parenthood?  That would be like calling '1-888-THE-DEVIL' and asking for life choice 'advice'.  No thanks, I'll make my own bad decisions thank you.
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And whatever happened to our Creation's Mantra, "Must help sick people. Must lower medical costs. Must manage expenses"? 
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If the-soon-to-be-completely-bankrupt State of California is looking for 21,000 of these folks, where's the savings?
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In keeping with our Monstrous Theme, allow me to do some FrankenMath for you (WARNING - it will be scary):
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21,000 workers x ($20 (base pay) + $10 (loaded benefits) per hour) =  $630,000 PER HOUR
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$630,000 x 40 Hour Work Week = $  25,200,000 PER WEEK
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$  25,200,000 x 4 =  $ 100,800,000 PER MONTH
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$  100,800,000 x 12 Months = $1,209,600,000 PER YEAR (for California alone)
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"Must help sick people. Must lower medical costs. Must manage expenses"

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Our creature is returning to our castle, and dang, he looks hungry. 
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Wow, we're going to need more taxpayers - perhaps we should eliminate the word 'illegal' from the phrase 'illegal aliens' and make 'em all citizens so they can chip in to defray these inconvenient costs?
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Somewhere in the Lab, the Creature's 'Bride' screams.

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Barack Obama grins, John McCain laughs, and John Boehnor shrugs...
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I go to work.
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Columbia's Newest Radical - Kathy Boudin!

I heard today that one of Bill Ayer's original 'Weather Underground' folks has a new gig...   teaching at Columbia University in New York. 
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I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.  But, I'll admit it here - I was.  
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Through the prism of my perspective, if I were involved in the murder of two police officers and a security guard, I'd probably keep my head down, reflect, and prefer to fade away from public view following my 22 year prison sentence. 
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Sure, I'd WANT to drop off the radar based upon my role in a multiple homicide.  But this 69 year old, Kathy Boudin chick?  Nah, it's time for her to 'get busy' organizing and training the next generation of Radicals, Anarchists, and Progressives...  
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Because, in essence, it's what they do.  They do not fade away.  They launch Presidential campaigns in their homes, they teach at Universities where they spread the story of 'Social Justice', 'Equality', and 'Fairness'.  They indoctrinate our kids on our dime, and we sit back and wonder how a guy like President Obama gets elected a second time?  Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk.  It is, as they say, what it is...
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In case you didn't have Kathy B. on your radar, let's take a look back at her life, her times, her crimes, and the things that made her what she is today... 
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From Wikipedia:  Kathy Boudin was born on May 19, 1943, into a family with a Muslim mother and a 1/2 Jewish Father, with a long left-wing history, and she was raised in Greenwich Village, New York. Her great-uncle was Louis B. Boudin, a Marxist theorist. Her father, attorney Leonard Boudin, had represented such controversial clients as Judith Coplon, Fidel Castro, and Paul Robeson. A National Lawyers Guild attorney, Leonard Boudin was the law partner of Victor Rabinowitz, himself counsel to numerous left-wing organizations. Kathy’s older brother, Michael Boudin, is currently a judge on the United States Court of Appeals for the First Circuit.
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Kathy Boudin attended kindergarten at the Little Red School House and its high school, the Elisabeth Irwin High School in Manhattan. Although she went to Bryn Mawr College intending to prepare for medical school, her interests quickly turned to politics. 1965, her last year at Bryn Mawr was spent studying in the Soviet Union. She was paid 75 rubles a month by the Soviet government and, according to her résumé, taught on a Soviet collective farm. Kathy Boudin also attended receptions and functions with her parents at the Cuban Mission to the United Nations in New York.
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...
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The Brinks Job:  In 1981, when Kathy Boudin was 38 years old, she and several members of the Weather Underground and the Black Liberation Army robbed a Brinks armored car at the Nanuet Mall, in Nanuet, New York. After Boudin dropped her infant son, Chesa, at a baby sitter's, she took the wheel of the getaway vehicle, a U-Haul truck. She waited in a nearby parking lot as her heavily armed accomplices took another vehicle to a local mall where a Brinks truck was making a delivery. They confronted the guards and gunfire immediately broke out, severely wounding guard Joe Trombino and killing his co-worker, Peter Paige. The four then took $1.6 million in cash and met with Boudin.
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An alert high-school student called the police after spotting the gang abandoning the getaway vehicle and entering the U-Haul. A police officer spotted and pulled over the U-Haul, but they could see only Boudin in the driver's seat. Boudin then got out of the cab, and raised her hands.
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The police officers who caught them testified that Boudin, feigning innocence, pleaded with them to put down their guns and got them to drop their guard; Boudin said she remained silent, that the officers relaxed spontaneously. After the police lowered their weapons, six of the men in the back of the truck armed with automatic weapons came out of the back of the truck, surprising the four police officers, one of whom, Waverly Brown, was killed instantly.
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Boudin and David Gilbert, a Weatherman radical and the father of Boudin's infant son, allegedly acted as decoys as well as getaway drivers: The Brinks robbers the police were searching for were all from the Black Liberation Army and drove a red car. Officer Edward O'Grady lived long enough to empty his revolver, but as he reloaded, he was shot several times with an M16. Ninety minutes later, he died in hospital. The other two officers escaped with only minor injuries. The occupants of the U-Haul scattered, some climbing into another getaway car, others carjacking a nearby motorist while Boudin attempted to flee on foot. An off-duty corrections officer, Michael J. Koch, apprehended her shortly after the shootout. When she was arrested, Boudin gave her name as Barbara Edson.
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Three other Black Liberation Army members failed to escape that day. Weathermen Gilbert, Samuel Brown, and Judith Alice Clark crashed their car while making a sharp turn, and were arrested by police. Two days later, Samuel Smith and Nathaniel Burns were spotted in a car in New York. After a gunfight with police that left Smith dead, Burns was captured. Three more participants were arrested several months later.
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The majority of the defendants received three consecutive sentences of 25 years to life, making them eligible for parole in the year 2058.
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Boudin hired Leonard Weinglass to defend her. Weinglass, a law partner of Boudin's father, arranged for a plea bargain and Boudin pled guilty to one count of felony murder and robbery, in exchange for one twenty-year to life sentence.
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And now Kathy Boudin is teaching at Columbia.  An uber-radical progressive role model for all to see.  But will they really SEE her as anything more than a name on a curriculum? 
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Perhaps she is rehabilitated?  Perhaps she is not?  I do not care.  Whatever God she worships may forgive her but I do not have to.  That's not my job.  My job is to watch over my family, teach them as best I can, and keep them safe.  To keep them away from people like her and her friends.  
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I guess in the end it all comes down to looking out for the people you love and those who love you.  Kathy B. shouldn't have taken her baby boy to the babysitter that day.  She should have read him a story.  She should have given him a bath.  She should have stayed home and possibly prevented three murders of innocent men with kids of their own.
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No need to worry about Kathy's infant son, Chesa. 
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He was adopted into a caring home by a couple from the midwest...
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Looping back up to the Wikipedia article above:  Boudin and Gilbert's son Chesa Boudin was adopted by former Weatherman leaders Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn.
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No.  Radicals / Progressives never fade away - they merely replicate themselves. 
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With extreme prejudice.
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