Thursday, September 29, 2011

Too Much Democracy Goin' On 'Round Here

"Uncle Sam" as played by GW Bush
Too Much:

Debt.

Welfare.

Un-Funded Mandates.

Deficit Spending.

Unemployment.

EPA Legislation.

Bad 'Reality' TV Shows.

Episodes Remaining of "The View".

There are a LOT of things which we, as Americans, have 'too much' of.  I was thinking last night about these, and other 'bad' things we have in abundance in our Nation. 

I was thinking this just before going to sleep but now I'm thinking that there was something else I was thinking about, but what was it?

Hmm?  What else do we have too much of in the Good Old USA?

Oh, I just remembered!

In America, we have 'TOO MUCH DARN DEMOCRACY'!

Yes, as I lay my head down upon my hay bale, I think to myself, "Mike, of all the things in America of which we have too much, or too many of, yeah, Democracy has GOT to be in the Top Five!

Actually, thinking back, I must have dreamed this.  Because in dreams irrational becomes the norm and the fantasy becomes reality.  It's nothing I could have imagined in any state of wakefulness.  Right?

No.  Wrong again, hay breath...

Welcome to a new Era in Government. 

Welcome to 2011! 

Welcome my son, welcome to the Machine...


Please enjoy the above Moo-sical Interlude as you read the remainder of this post

September 29th, 2011 is the day in which I learned that the #1 problem in America is that "We have too much Democracy".

My words?  No.  I haven't lied to you yet, right?

Let's turn our eyes south (or north, east, or west, dependent upon where you are reading this) for a few moments and meet Governor Bev Perdue, D, N.C. 

Her comments were reported in the NewsObserver:

File this in the random-things-politicians-say file. Speaking to a Cary Rotary Club today, N.C. Gov. Bev Perdue suggested suspending Congressional elections for two years so that Congress can focus on economic recovery and not the next election.

"I think we ought to suspend, perhaps, elections for Congress for two years and just tell them we won't hold it against them, whatever decisions they make, to just let them help this country recover. I really hope that someone can agree with me on that. The one good thing about Raleigh is that for so many years we worked across party lines. It's a little bit more contentious now but it's not impossible to try to do what's right in this state. You want people who don't worry about the next election."


Once she realized what she had said 'Out loud' and 'In public' she sent her 'peeps' out to clarify what she actually meant:

Later Tuesday afternoon, Perdue's office clarified the remarks: "Come on," said spokeswoman Chris Mackey in a statement. "Gov. Perdue was obviously using hyperbole to highlight what we can all agree is a serious problem: Washington politicians who focus on their own election instead of what’s best for the people they serve."

Hold on, please wait a moment while I look something up...

hy·per·bo·le
[hahy-pur-buh-lee] Show IPA
noun Rhetoric .
1.  obvious and intentional exaggeration.
2.  an extravagant statement or figure of speech not intended to be taken literally, as “to wait an eternity.”

All rightey then!  She was just using an 'obvious and intentional exaggeration' to make her point!  NOW I get it! 

Thanks, this clarification was extremely helpful in getting my mind 'straight' about what she meant, as it is NOT what she said. 

But, if she didn't 'really mean it', what's up with this line from above?  "I really hope that someone can agree with me on that."

It's like James Brown shouting, "Can I get a witness!?!?"  As he danced through "Living in America".  I think James actually wanted a witness.  But once again, I'm only projecting what I think he meant, based upon what he said (or in the case of Mr. Brown, as he 'danced and shouted'). 

Perhaps I'm Hyperbole-impaired?  Maybe I'm too literal?  In any event, I figure it all comes down to ME 'not getting it'.  I'm sure the Governor of North Carolina is a really nice person. 

Sorry for wasting your time.  Go and enjoy the remainder of your day!  It's not like anyone else is saying the same thing as the Governor, quoted above, right?

Oops...

Here comes Peter (CottonTail) Orszag, formerly of the Obama Administration, posting on The New Republic to completely gum up the works for me (and here I thought I was on the road to 'enlightenment'):

During my recent stint in the Obama administration as director of the Office of Management and Budget, it was clear to me that the country’s political polarization was growing worse—harming Washington’s ability to do the basic, necessary work of governing. If you need confirmation of this, look no further than the recent debt-limit debacle, which clearly showed that we are becoming two nations governed by a single Congress—and that paralyzing gridlock is the result.


So what to do? To solve the serious problems facing our country, we need to minimize the harm from legislative inertia by relying more on automatic policies and depoliticized commissions for certain policy decisions. In other words, radical as it sounds, we need to counter the gridlock of our political institutions by making them a bit less democratic.

Wow, thanks Peter!  Now I'm, um, really confused!  (Jerk) 

I leave you today with a quote. 

Not my quote, but rather, someone who saw much more than I, hopefully, ever will...

"Democracy is the worst form of government, except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." - Winston Churchill

Oh, what the heck, I'll take a stab at one myself...

Democracy is like your teeth.  Without brushing, flossing and proper care, it (they) will go away - only to be replaced with a false version of the same.  --  Mike Kane
(Written September 29th, 2011, the day Democracy was determined to be in 'too much' supply)

God help us all.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

'Real People' Are Dangerous


You may have heard the stir about Ford Motor Company receiving an 'invitation' from the White House to discontinue their advertisement featuring an F150 owner, named, Chris.  Chris had the audacity to say that part of his decision to buy a Ford truck was because the company did not receive a bailout from the Federal Government.  


To be fair, Ford DID receive guaranteed loans from the Federal Government ($23 BILLION) to improve manufacturing facilities in the US.  The difference here is that Ford did not allow itself to be hamstrung by government intervention to the level which GM and Chrysler both did.  To Ford's credit, dealerships were NOT arbitrarily closed at the recommendation of the Federal Government Automotive Task force, and Ford's products are still being manufactured and marketed based upon feedback from their customers, not from Uncle Sam. 


This being said, let's start today by meeting with the Ford Director of US Marketing, Matt Van Dyke.  Here he discusses the ad campaign and its intent...




Given this background, it would appear that Ford hit the proverbial "Nail on the head" when coming up with the premise for these ads.  They are unscripted, the people are real, and the feedback is genuine. 


Unfortunately, genuine feedback is NOT what we need at this point in our nation's history. 

Ford says that the ad featuring 'Chris' fell off TV due to the ad's normal 'Rotation Schedule'.  What they do not say is that when you look for other Interview-Style ads online, you can find THEM but you can't find the one featuring Chris, who made the statements about the bailouts.


Not sure why this is, but it just...  Is.


Here's a link to the Detroit News.  This online article includes a third-party copy of the ad which was saved somewhere prior to its being scrubbed by Ford Motor Company, YouTube, or whomever has been going around purging the ad from existence. 


Detroit News Online 
(Click here soon, while the link still exists)


Speech, Free, and otherwise, is apparently VASTLY over-rated in a Post-Racial, Post-Partisan, Post-Constitutional, Post-Freedom, and Post-Pro-America, America. 


My next new car?  It'll have a big Blue Oval on it, just like the one pasted at the beginning of this post. 


I have definite opinions about Cash for Clunkers, Bailouts, and Government intrusion into the private sector, but if you've been around for a while, you already know this. 

The problem is that you're NOT the problem.  The problem are those few "Temple of Pure Thought" types who know what's best for us, our kids, and our nation. 


Their (Temple of Pure Thought folks) blind spot is that since all of their education is 'theoretical', based upon what they learned at institutes of higher learning (Harvard, Yale, Rutgers, Community Organizing U, Donkey Donuts, etc.), and the teaching of selected "Nobel Laureates", they don't have the sense to balance their own check book, let alone our Nation's.


The answer, is, as it always is:  We need to take the check book away from them, and no, 'they' are not 'us'. 


Game over, end of story. 


On to the next chapter... 


A chapter in which the Voice of the American People can be heard once again over the deranged shouts of those about to lose power in 2012.


I am Cow. 

Hear me Moo.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Our EPA is Growing to Meet the Needs of a Growing... EPA

NOTE TO LIBERALS:  The above graphic is a JOKE.  Please continue
to breathe normally throughout the remainder of this post.  Thank you!
Found on the Daily Caller:  EPA: Regulations would require 230,000 new employees, $21 billion

In yet another breathtaking example of how THIS President is 'Creating / Saving Jobs' the Environmental Protection Agency needs to add workers to enforce new policies and procedures which it believes are "absurd and impossible to administer (by 2016)". 

Aw, come on, who would say something that LOONEY.  It was some wack-job Republican Presidential Candidate, wasn't it?!?!

Um, No.  The EPA said it...

Come on Cow Guy, you LUNATIC - back THAT up!

Okay (Page 83 of 161)...  (Never doubt the guys in the MoosRoom)

While EPA acknowledges that come 2016, the administrative burdens may still be so great that compliance at the 100/250 tpy level may still be absurd or impossible to administer at that time, that does not mean that the Agency is not moving toward the statutory thresholds.  

[MoosNote:  Yes, the EPA will move forward with the task, whether it is obtainable, or not.]
To the contrary, through this regulatory process "EPA intends to require full compliance with the CAA applicability provisions of the PSD and Title V programs...."


Also found in the same document, the 09/16/2011 EPA court filing, Page 49 (of 161) states:  
When EPA assumed a mere 40-fold increase in applications – one-tenth of the actual increase – and no increase in employees to process them, the processing time for Title V permits would jump from 6-10 months to ten years.

Hiring the 230,000 full-time employees necessary to produce the 1.4 billion work hours required to address the actual increase in permitting functions would result in an increase in Title V administration costs of $21 billion per year.
Id. at 31,535-40, 31,577.


Yes, EPA is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding EPA. 

AND, just to make it interesting, they believe their task isn't even 'possible' due to the dramatic increased scope of increased governmental-mandated 'Green House' gas legislation. 

How weird could it be?  Thanks for asking!

Check out the following section from Page 16 of the above document which discusses Title V required reporting:

Title V of the CAA, enacted in 1990, establishes an operating permit program covering stationary sources of air pollutants. 42 U.S.C. §§7661-7661f. Similar to PSD, the Title V operating permit requirement applies to, among others, any “major source” within the meaning of 42 U.S.C. §7661(2), including stationary sources that have the potential to emit 100 tpy of “any air pollutant.” 42 U.S.C. §7602(j). Like PSD, EPA has long interpreted this requirement to apply to any air pollutant that is actually subject to regulation under the Act.  75 Fed. Reg. at 31,553-54.


Title V does not impose substantive pollution control requirements of its own. Instead, Title V requires that each source have a comprehensive operating permit to ensure compliance with all emissions limits and requirements applicable through other provisions of the CAA. 42 U.S.C. §7661c(a). Each State’s Title V program must contain procedures for expeditiously processing permit applications. 42 U.S.C. §§7661a(b)(6), 7661b(c). 

[MoosNote:  Italics added to emphasize the salient points...]


Okay so here's the deal:  If you 'build / create / or implement something' (anything) which might produce 'emissions' you'll need to get a permit processed through EPA.  This permit will not require that the 'something' generate 'low' emissions, but rather, your business (residence?) will need to obtain a 'comprehensive operating permit' stating that yes, you are stinking up the place.

In short, if you plan on 'something' you'll need to go through the newly 'Improved' EPA Title V permitting process.  This is why EPA needs to HIRE almost a quarter of a million new government workers - to permit your 'something' (whatever your 'something' happens to be.)

Here's MY question for you:  If I'm understanding the above correctly, this permitting merely tracks the fact that you have documented your 'something', right? 

The next logical question is this:  Once your 'something' is documented under Title V, won't the Feds need additional EPA folks to go out and then 'monitor' your 'something' to make sure that you fall within your initial specifications turned in via permit to the nice folks at EPA?  What's the use of having a permit, if the thing 'permitted' is not measured?

Folks, we're not talking about an additional quarter of a million new Federal workers here, we're talking about a much larger number of workers.  Figure a quarter-million paper-pushers and probably twice that number on the street walking around with futuristic Star Trek Tricorders in their out-stretched hands. 
I'm from the Government.  I'm here to help.
(Not an actual government employee)

But I guess we'll find out about this later this year, or next, once the initial 230,000 clerks are put on the Federal 'books'. 

Cost?  A meager $21 BILLION per year (forever.)

Sheesh, I must be getting old.  I remember when $21 BILLION used to seem like a lot of money. 

Oh, before I forget (and prior to some Liberal genius decides to send it to me) MediaMatters has already said that the report in the DailyCaller is false, in fact the EPA 'fixed' the situation back in May of 2010 via the use of a 'Tailoring Rule'. 

Okay, let me ask you this, if this situation was 'fixed' in 2010, why was the EPA report cited above filed in court on September 16, 2011?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Yeah, and I want to know too...

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Don't Say 'Hay' About the EPA

"We didn't say nothin' Boss, honest, we didn't"
About a week ago I wrote a post entitled,  EPA: "Hay, Hay, What'd You Say!?!?" .  It was based upon an article I found online.  It was about a small independent cattle farmer making CRAZY claims against EPA regulations and the total awesomeness that is a Federal Bureaucracy.  If you want to read this original post, click the link above.  I don't want to re-write THAT post because I've moo-ved on (and somehow re-writing it again would be strangely redundant). 

I want to spend a few moments today discussing what happened AFTER I wrote the above post.

Five days later, one of the Moderators over at Grumpy's site received a message from Karl Brooks, EPA Region 7 Administrator (yes, THAT EPA) via Kris Lancaster, also of the EPA. 

[MoosNote:  I work for the EPA also, but I can't talk about it, Region 7 Security Protocals, you know...]

On September 20th, 2011 I received a call from Grumpy.  Unfortunately, he reached my youngest son as I was still at work at my REAL job.  Walking in from the garage at 5:45pm, the boy delivered the message I always wanted to hear, "Dad, the government's after you!"

O-K-A-Y...  I guess I could have jumped out the window of my home, but as it's a raised-ranch (not 'quite' two stories) I'd only twist an ankle and perhaps mash a shrub or two as my bulk plummetted all 12 feet to the ground.  And my wife really likes those shrubs.

"Um, what are you talking about?", I asked.

"Dad, a guy called and he said that someone at the government wrote back about your hay blog."

"And?"

"I told him to call back so he could leave you the message.", my son said.

"And when is he (whoever 'he' is) going to call back?", I asked.

"He already did.  I told him I wouldn't pick up so he can leave you a message on the answering machine.", says the once-amusing boy.

"Can I take my tie off first? I may need something to hang myself with after I listen to the message." I reply.

"Sure, I guess, but he was laughing when he called the first time.  The second time he sounded a little more serious." says the boy who wants me to 'freak' for no good reason.  (He's sooooooo like me!)

"Thanks kidd-o, go up in your room and play with something sharp.  I'm going to listen to the message, then I'm going to cook dinner, and if the message is 'not a good thing', we'll be changing our name to 'Obama'.  Because if you're last name's Obama, you can pretty much do whatever you want and no one can say 'Boo' to you.  Oh, and remember to say 'Hi' to Aunt Zeituni and Uncle Omar when they're over for Thanksgiving..." I laugh.

"Dad, who are they?" he asks.

"Your new relatives.  I'll tell you later.  Hey, dude, you speak Kenyan?"   

"No."

"Well, we need to get you one of those Rosetta Stone language courses - soon.  Okay, I'll listen to the message and let you know what's up.  Oh, and pack a small bag in case we need to get 'invisible'..." 

I'm such a good Dad.

I listened to the message.  It was Grumpy in Florida.  His message was short and to the point, "Mike, your post on the EPA attracted some attention; we got a comment from them online."

Say it with me now:  "My name is Michael Obama.  My name is Michael Obama.  My name is Michael Obama, you killed my father, prepare to die!" 
(You can't squeeze enough obtuse references to The Princess Bride into a normal post, so, sure, why not?)

So what did Karl, via Kris, both of the EPA have to say?  Something interesting.  Something hard to argue with.  Something profound in a 'circular-kind-of-way'. 

Basically, Karl, Kris, whoever, said that the EPA never used the word "Hay" in their "Finding of Violation Order For Compliance".  Which is odd, since the nice cow-farming-man-quoted in Kansas said that the EPA declared "Hay" as a pollutant back on September 1st, 2011. 

Here is Karl / Kris response to my post, in its entirety:
...
Kris Lancaster
September 20, 2011 - 15:04


EPA Never Said Hay is a Pollutant
By Karl Brooks, EPA Region 7 Administrator

A Kansas feedlot operator is trying to make hay by falsely claiming that EPA defined hay as a water pollutant.

The owner of the Callicrate Feeding Company has been spinning a “hay-as-pollutant” myth through the blogosphere for a couple of weeks now . While the company is certainly entitled to its own opinions about EPA, the company is not entitled to its own set of facts. [Italics courtesy of Moos.  It's interesting that I've so much 'Channeling of Daniel Patrick Moynihan -D, NY' lately.]

Here are the facts. On August 15, EPA’s Region 7, which includes Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, Nebraska and nine tribal nations, took action to correct several serious environmental violations at the Callicrate Feeding Company in St. Francis, Kansas. EPA found water permit violations at Callicrate’s operation that needed to be addressed. The compliance order was not based on hay. Nor would EPA have issued such an action based on hay.

To be clear: The order had nothing to do with hay. At no place in the 11-page order is the word “hay” mentioned. Nor is there mention of alfalfa or grass.

EPA cited the Callicrate operation for failure to control harmful runoff, maintain adequate manure storage capacity, keep adequate operation records, and meet the state and federal requirements of its nutrient management plan. Compliance Order (PDF) (11 pp, 1.5MB, About PDF)

EPA inspectors observed silage, and dried distillers grains within the uncontrolled feedstock storage area.

When stored inappropriately, the silage and grains can turn into a liquid material that contains contaminants detrimental to water quality. EPA inspectors also observed slaughter wastes being stored outside in an uncontrolled area. The EPA order was based on those contaminants and the other violations mentioned above.

The Callicrate facility is permitted by the State of Kansas for a capacity of 12,000 head of beef cattle and had 3,200 head at the time of the inspection. Under EPA definitions, 1,000 head of beef is considered a large Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation (CAFO). This is not a small operation. The permitted capacity puts the company in the top five percent of the largest animal feeding operations in Region 7.

This action by EPA was issued to correct problems. Less than two weeks after the order was issued, Callicrate’s attorney informed us that the company had already taken action to address the problems identified in EPA’s order.
 
We have some indication of how other producers have perceived this fracas in a feedlot. Region 7’s offer to meet with Kansas cattle producers to discuss CAFO enforcement was warmly received and we will be meeting within days. Drover/Cattle Network published an article debunking the “hay-as-pollutant” myth. 


As that article concludes: “But as the industry confronts and negotiates these genuine regulatory issues, R-CALF’s claim that ‘EPA declares hay a pollutant to antagonize small and mid-sized U.S. cattle feeders’ is unnecessary, inflammatory hyperbole.”
--Brooks is administrator for U.S. EPA Region 7 that includes Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, Nebraska and nine tribal nations.


First, let me apologize for the long stretch of 'un-funny' verbiage above.  It's government-speak, and not meant to be entertaining - especially to the recipient of such a communication.

Second, I find it interesting that the EPA references the article found on Drover / Cattle Network 'de-bunking' the "Hay as Pollutant" myth. 

Why?  

It was written by the EPA.  (Yeah, the same EPA referenced everywhere above)  You'll find the exact same post (as above) on the Drover / Cattle Network website, written by...  You guessed it...  our friend, Karl (not sure where Kris was for this one).

It would be like me telling you that I have a family of Conservative Liberals in my basement and quoting an article I found online (written by me) which stated that I, you know, have Conservative Liberals IN my basement.  [MoosNote:  This is an excellent idea for a subsequent post, although I'd better change the subjects of the post to 'Space Aliens' because NO ONE is going to believe that I have Conservative Liberals in my basement now, or ever, for that matter...]

Did the EPA use the word "Hay" in their write-up of Callicrate?  No, they did not.  I read the 11 page document.  The word "Hay" does not appear anywhere within the electronic document. 

Mike Callicrate 'took liberties' when he answered a question from an audience member on September 1st, 2011.  Just like Solyndra 'took liberties' when they told the Federal Government that their financials were stable and they 'promised' that our loaning them over one-half a BILLION dollars was a 'good' idea. 

"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...  Oh, you must be from the government!!!  Are you here to help???" 

But here's the thing, Mike Callicrate isn't lying down for the EPA.  He released a statement on his website which addresses the report given to him by Karl / Kris / whomever. 

You can read the entire response at his website by clicking here:  Mike Callicrate's Response to EPA

Between you, me, and the fence post, all this 'Hay' about 'hay' or 'not hay' is the real issue.  I've looked at Mr. Callicrate's website. 

Here are a few of the topics he's discussed on his site recently:






Questioning this President, Democrat & Republican policy, the EPA AND describing 'Eating' as Moral? 

He's obviously a mad man who must be stopped!

I'll stop him!

I'll stop him allright - right after I place my online order for some of his yummy steaks at RanchFoodsDirect shipping anywhere you have a hankerin' for farm-fresh meats! 

RanchFoodsDirect.com -- Yumm-O!

All this typing and 'research' is making me a little bit hungry for quality Callicrate Red Meat Products!  

I'd like to thank the EPA for providing me with the new Purveyor of Quality Meats for the household.  

I knew the EPA was good for something... 

I just didn't know what, until now.

Carpe Steak-Yum!

I'm not sure if Karl / Kris of the EPA will respond to this post, but if they do, I'm wondering if they have any recommendations on where I can stock up on 'Chickens'? 

I love me some Chicken BBQ, yes, I do...

Friday, September 23, 2011

A Little Motivation for Friday

I'm feeling a bit run-down this morning.  I need a pick-me-up.  I need Motivation.

Ah, here it is now!


Have a great weekend folks!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

"Wooooo Wooooo, Close to You..."

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,
That I over-ran with the mower.
One leg is missing the other is gone.
The third one is scattered all over the lawn.
No need explaining the one remaining
It's splattered on the kitchen door.
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,
that I over-ran with the mower...

-- Gardiner's Island Boy Scout Camp-O-Ree, Summer 1974

I've been waiting YEARS to get one out of my system.  I feel sooo much better now. 

As the Republican Debate drones on in the distance, I wanted to share a story with you.  It is a story of Colonoscopies, Waiting Rooms, and oddly-placed Marketing Brochures. 

Okay, here we go...

I spent 'most' of Tuesday in the waiting room of an OutPatient Surgery facility in Syracuse, NY.  The good news is that the day's event was planned, no 'dark fluids' shot from any family members, no screams of pain were heard, and, best of all, we were able to leave by 4:00pm to arrive home just in time to be late for dinner. 

Having arrived at 11:00 for the 11:30 requested arrival time, we had time to wander about.  AND since the procedure wasn't scheduled to begin until 1:00pm, heck, I had time to 'amuse' my wife as she waited nervously in the chair by the window. 

All right, perhaps 'amuse' isn't the best word, let's just say that I tried to keep my wife's mind off the fact that she hadn't eaten in more than twenty-four hours, and she was getting 'a little bit cranky' waiting for the procedure to begin. 

On my second trip to the Men's room I found a brochure which featured (what I assumed) to be, 'Stuffies', my wife's term for cute, over-stuffed, huggable animals.  I handed the brochure to my wife, who took it with the normal, "What are you giving me now - can't you see I'm freaking?" look on her face. 

Okay, if I'm being honest, I really didn't LOOK at the brochure I was giving her, I merely wanted her to look at it so I could go the bathroom while she checked out the cute little critters I found on the brochure.  I figured it would take her mind off the impending procedure, and if I played my cards right, I could use the Johnny AND get back by the time she was done with the little fold-out marketing piece.

I really shouldn't have been in such a hurry to get to the Loo.

Here's the brochure cover I handed her:


Yes, you are reading the above correctly - the brochure is for "Cuddly, Customized Alternative to Pet Urns".

In case you're wondering about what the heck an Alternative to a Pet Urns is, here's a bit more of the Marketing 'Glossy' found in the Waiting Area of the Surgery Center...


Yes, "Premier Cuddly Pet Urns", Customized for you (or more specifically, for your pet)!  Gina will create a huggable 'Stuffie' for you into which you will place your pet's cremated remains. 

I wish I were making this up.
 

Imagine the joy you'll have holding the ashy, gritty, fur-covered remains of your pet python as you fall asleep on the couch each night!?!?

[I may never sleep again...]

Although, the Clown Fish from Finding Nemo IS kind of cute, while I can't imagine being so attached to a FISH that I would pay for it to be put into a cardboard box, cooked on HIGH, and then be interred forever into a stuffed animal. 

Oh yeah, and since when are $59 Clown Fish 'huggable'?  My Clown fish LOVEs his Bubble-Tip Anemone friend, should I have it cooked and stuffed into a larger, stuffed Anemone also - so they can ALWAYS be together?

Don't even get me started about Bossie and Buttercup...  I wouldn't be able to lift those dang stuffed cows when either of them obtain 'room temperature'.

While the idea of keeping my pet's ashes bundled within a replica (of the deceased pet) thrills me with an unmatched feeling of unbridled joy, nothing can compare to the pure bliss of introducing your NEW pet to your old pets, um, ashes. 

Let's just hope that Fluffy, the living dog, doesn't have a 'chewing fetish' on the huggable, plush urn of the deceased dog's remains.  Frankly speaking, Puppy (the dead dog) looks A LOT like a chewable dog toy... 

"Hey look, Puppy's over here!  Oh, he's over here too!  Oh my God, Puppy is everywhere!  Flufffffffyyyyyyy, I'm gonna kill you you little ankle-biter!!!" 



A word of advice for you...  If you find yourself in a same-day surgery center with a wife who's already nervous, you might NOT want to give her a brochure about huggable pet urns.  It kind of sends the wrong message. 

Nothing says 'Get Well Soon' like a brochure about cookin' up and stuffin' your pet into a replica of the very same pet. 

I'm not sure if Gina's Marketing Strategy will pay off or not, but what I DO know is, if anything ever happens to me, I don't want my wife cookin' me up and shoving me into something that looks like this...
Introducing 'RealDoll' the World's Finest Male Love Doll
First, I'm two inches taller than this guy (so my clothes would never fit him properly and I don't want my wife spending MY Insurance Money on 'doll clothes'),

Second, He's WAY too physically fit (for a pretend 'Me'),

Third, Although, hey, I'm digging my new 'Six Pack'!

Fourth, Scratch #3 above, I was only kidding...

Yeah, the whole idea of shoving 'Cooked Loved Ones' into replicas kind of creeps me out. 

Although, for ONLY $5,995, my wife could have the 'after-life physique' she always wanted!
The Female "RealDoll"

Nah, The dog would probably think she's a giant NylaBone chew on her and get the ashes, bits of bone and teeth all in the carpet!

My wife would HATE that...  She loves a clean house.


So anyway, the brochure above is real.  Gina exists, you can even visit her website by clicking here:  Beloved Pets By Gina 

And yes, I handed it to my wife thinking it was something about stuffed animals.

As for me, it'll be weeks until I'm able to sleep with the lights off again.

The dogs look nervous - cute little 'stuffies' that they are... 

The Smartest Man In The Room

09-20-2011 UN Meeting

"Everyone who thinks Barack Obama is the Most Excellent President EVA...
Raise Your Hand!!!"

Say it with me now, "We're doomed."

Then, click this button...

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Protect Our President!


A few days ago I wrote a post entitled, "Black, White, and Red".  Reflecting back upon it now, I've decided that I was being 'mean' to the President Of the United States.  Granted, when GW Bush was President, I was 'mean' to him too.  Signing TARP, adding the Medicare Prescription Drug Benefit, and passing pretty much any and all legislation sent to him by the Democratic Congress - yes, I specifically remember being 'mean' to him also. 

As I attempted to sleep last evening I couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable I was.  I tossed, I turned, I forced myself into the fetal position vainly hoping for sleep.  It did not come.  Why?  It could have been the Pizza I ate for lunch, it could have been the wind-down from the day spent at the Hospital with my wife, or perhaps, just perhaps, it was due to the un-kind words I posted the other day about the Obama Re-Election Committee's ATTACKWATCH website. 

Yes.  I had been 'mean'. 

In an effort to salvage that small bit of my soul crying out for forgiveness, I must now right the wrong which I so egregiously committed.

Dear President Obama,

I am sorry.

Sincerely,

Mike Kane
a.k.a.:  "Moos"

Ah!  Much better now. 

But I must not fall back into old, un-kind, and inconsiderate ways.  I must have a way to monitor myself.  Better yet, perhaps YOU can assist me in staying on the straight and narrow when it comes to my propensity for 'un-niceness', or 'badly-ness'?

It is with this goal in mind that I will beginning including the following icon into my posts.  With this little clickable 'link' you can take IMMEDIATE action to 'Correct' my deviant behavior.

For example, if I were to post a crude and poorly electronically re-touched photo showing   my disdain for a government which implements a program to give weapons to Mexican Drug Cartels to see where the guns go...  And then LOSES track of the guns, and they are used in crimes to KILL American Border Guards? 

I might post something like the following:


Oh.  Oh my. 

That IS wrong, isn't it?

Well, now there's a solution!

Whenever I post something 'mean', 'crabby', or down-right ornery?  Here's the plan!  At the end of each post I will embed a little widget which will look something like this:

This clickable link will take you to the President's ATTACKWATCH website where you'll be able to answer several questions about the referenceable offense, and submit it to the President's Re-Election Campaign minions who will do, um, presumably, ah, something about it. 

Upon clicking the 'ATTACK' button, you'll be presented with a screen which looks a LOT like this:


Simply complete the form (to the best of your ability as required by law), register to receive 'perpetual' updates from President Obama's re-election campaign, and then, simply WAIT for something to happen.  (NOTE TO READER:  You may be waiting a while, as a lot of us are doing similar posts these days.) 

Please remember to REPORT 'attacks' as they occur.  Waiting until after the 'attack' is wrong, wrong, AND incorrect.  Justice must be swift, justice must be sure, and justice must be served. 

Please help support our President from mean-spirited attacks.  Seriously, he's doing the best he can.  He's giving us all he's got.

Holy moly, did I just fire off another ATTACK?

Rats.

Go ahead, click again.  I've been a very bad American.

Oh come on!  I never said I was prefect!

Have a nice day folks, and remember to report early AND often.  It's the Democratic way.

TTFN!

Moo

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Race is 50% Universal

"I'm White.  I'm Brown.  I'm White. 
I'm Brown. I'm...  Aaaaaahhhh!
Mooooooooooo!"
The debate continues. 

Buttercup is consumed with rage.  

Buttercup stews.

The World moves on.

Well, in most places outside of DC...

I found this on THE HILL'S BRIEFING LOG

Cleaver: If Obama wasn't president, we would be ‘marching on the White House’
Unhappy members of the Congressional Black Caucus “probably would be marching on the White House” if Obama were not president, according to CBC Chairman Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo.).

"If [former President] Bill Clinton had been in the White House and had failed to address this problem, we probably would be marching on the White House," Cleaver told “The Miami Herald” in comments published Sunday.

"There is a less-volatile reaction in the CBC because nobody wants to do anything that would empower the people who hate the president."

[MOOS NOTE:  So, according to Rep. Cleaver, D, Mo, 'Hate' = 'Unhappy'?  Seems like kind of a narrow definition to me.  I've been 'unhappy' about a lot of things in my life, but there are very few things I've actually 'hated'.  AND what about the whole, "If [former President] Bill Clinton had been in the White House and had failed to address this problem, we probably would be marching on the White House" - thing? 

Is Rep. Cleaver saying that he would 'March' against Bill Clinton because he was a White President and NOT against President Obama because he's, um, 'Half-White', or perhaps, more importantly, 'Half-Black'?  Seriously, what's wrong with this picture?

Continuing with the article: 
The black caucus has 43 members who come from nearly two dozen states. Its concerns about black unemployment are not Cleaver's only frustration these days.

One member of the caucus, Democratic Rep. Andre Carson of Indiana, recently said that tea party members of Congress "would love to see you and me ... hanging on a tree."




Ah, 'Magical', isn't it?  Perhaps 'Unhappy" DOES Equal 'Hate', (to a Liberal Democrat member of the CBC)? 

Just wondering.

Moo-ving on...

Rather than targeting Obama’s leadership, many CBC members aimed their fire at the Tea Party movement over the summer’s congressional recess. Waters said in a public meeting in her district that the Tea Party "can go straight to hell." Another member, Rep. Frederica Wilson (D-Fla.), called the Tea Party “the real enemy” seeking to hold Congress “hostage.”

Okay, enough of this.  I can't read the cud that drops out of the mouths of fools. 

Want to know why the Congressional Black Caucus is upset? 

Check out Minority Unemployment since the 'Smartest Kid in the Room' took office:


In 2011, unemployment for Blacks is almost 16.5% according the the Bureau of Labor Statistics.  The chart above is a year old AND the outlook for unemployment for ALL Americans isn't getting any better.

Check this excerpt from an article found at Heritage.org:  

While CBS News reports that the national black unemployment rate is usually higher than the overall unemployment rate, these figures stand at Depression-era levels.

Worse? Black teenagers have a devastating unemployment level of 41 percent.  

This AFTER Democrats controlled the House, Senate, and White House for the two years leading up to 2011's influx of Republicans in the House.  And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that this is AFTER spending over $1 TRILLION to fix unemployment. 

And now it's everyone's fault except...

Theirs.

Morons.

Now they can't even blame the guy at the top of the ticket because, well, um, because he's 'Non-White'? 

So what else can you do but name the "#1 Enemy of the Country" as those pesky TEA Party people?  They ran, and won, on the promise of reducing the size of government, reducing spending, cutting deficits (which, by the way, they'd better get 'busy' at), and reading Bills prior to passing them into law. 

The Conservative / TEA Party candidates won because the majority of the American People agree with THEM.  

Sporting an approval rating of under 40%, President Obama has a lot of people who are 'unhappy' with him. 

Oh, I'm sorry, they must just HATE him. 

'Hate' courtesy of 'a smidge over' one half of the Senate, 100% of the White House, and 40+% of the House.   

Me?  I don't hate anyone. 

Life's too short...


Unless, of course, you're a Zombie Cow.

Okay, I HATE Zombie Cows.  But that's about it...

Monday, September 19, 2011

Black, White, and Red...

"I spy with my little eye, something black, white and red..."
Q.:  What's black, white, and red all over?
A.:  The New York Times.

Q.:  What's black, white, and red all over?
A.:  A skunk with diaper rash.

Q.:  What's black, white, and red all over?
A.:  www.AttackWatch.com

The Obama 2012 election committee announced last week that it was launching yet another website!  This one allows concerned citizens to register and report 'non-truths', 'second-hand rumours', and 'factually inaccurate statements' made by, well, pretty much anyone - anywhere who says anything bad about the President.  

Free Speech is sooooooo over-rated...  

In their never-ending relentless pursuit of the truth, the Obama Administration wants to know who may be saying down-right mean things about them in person, online, in print, or over any electronic media conveyance.  Yeah, I'll sleep better tonight knowing that anything I say, can and will be used against me by a jury of my, um, peers.  On second thought, having seen some Obama supporters on TV, perhaps I'd have a better chance opting for a traditional coin toss.  At least, statistically, there is a 50% chance I'd be found innocent.  

Oh shoot, I'm not here to talk about the whole AttackWatch.com thing, I've got something else in my craw that I need to visit with tonight. 

[NOTE TO SELF:  Need to look up 'craw', determine where it is, and understand what could possibly get stuck 'in it'.]      

You see, the thing of it is, it has to do with 'Colors'.


Black, White, and Red  

Why would you create a website as visually-unappealing as www.AttackWatch.com?  Black background, White Lettering, Red accents and grainy mug-shot-like photographs are used to display the 'Usual Suspects' saying 'Bad things' about President Obama.  I've seen, ahem, I mean 'Read about' porn sites with more appealing color schemes (and better photos). 

So seriously, WHY these colors?

I 'Googled' Black, White, and Red to see what results were returned.  Something about a 'flag' kept darting around in the back of my mind - but what was it?

Ah, here are a few of those results now...

The Anarchist Flag


Another Anarchist Flag
The 'Eat the Rich' Anarchy Banner from Germany

Another 'better-known' flag from Germany


From "Flags of Arabia, Part 2: Flags of the Arab Revolt, the Hashemite Kings, and Pan-Arabism"
Source:  Coming Anarchy online
  
Rage, baby rage!
(And bring your tent!)


Then I broadened the search to "Black, White, and Red Obama"...
A 'Collectors Item' if I ever saw one!

2008 Nike 'Obama' Air Jordans
Thought this was a one shot deal?
They've made them every year since...


2011 Nike 'Obama' Air Jordans
"One of these days these shoes are gonna walk all over you..."

Oh, before I forget, the AttackWatch.com article above about Glenn Beck?  When you click on it, it links to...

Media Matters


The Usual Suspects on the Left are all working behind the scenes to keep America safe, the President insulated, and US, well, you know, 'in our place'.  Proving once again that the Liberal Family Tree consists ONLY of a Trunk (no branches). 

Any great conspiracy theory, or significance behind the whole 'Black, White, and Red' thing above?  I dunno.  I'm just sitting here, unable to sleep, and taking it all in. 

As for the Media Matters site, at least they use the color 'Blue' on occasion. 

For this, and nothing else, I will give them credit for the diversity of their palate...

Because when it comes right down to it, Diversity is cool man, yeah, like really totally bitchin'!


Read more here: 
Obama Executive Order Creates ‘Office of Diversity and Inclusion’
-- The Blaze.com  August 2011