Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Delusional Right-Wing Sing-Along!

I offer the following to all those posters on the site who have been ranting about 'Delusional Right Wingers' for the past couple of weeks. While they were ranting about 'nothing much at all'... I was... I was... thinking...

(The screen goes hazy as the dream sequence begins...)

A tall, thin, bearded man in a stove-pipe hat enters the center ring and shouts to the audience through an 1860's era megaphone... "Ladies, Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, please join us as we sing the following to the tune of Hosanna from the classic rock opera, Jesus Christ Superstar..."

The tent goes dark as President Lincoln continues, "It's a Delusional Right Wing Sing-A-Long! Come on, let's join in the Inaugural spirit for the other 'Man from Illinois'! No, that's not quite right... The man from Hawaii! (Abe wonders aloud, "Where the heck is Hawaii?)"

Abe has a puzzled look on his face as a man in the front row shouts out, "He was born in Kenya! Kenya, got it, he's not even an Ameri... Aaaaaahhh!" Taser shots are heard discharging as the Secret Service removes Philip J. Berg's twitching body...

An obviously rattled Abe continues, "Well, let's just sing anyway, shall we? Here we go!"
(If you need help with the tune, just click the following YouTube video link... It's easy! It's fun! It's FREE! Bossie even helped me touch-up the original lyrics!)

Maestro, please!

Click here for musical accompaniment!

CROWD:
Hey Bama, Obama, Bama, Bama, Bama, O,Hey B O, B O won't you smile at Joe?Obama, Hey Superstar!

HILLARY:
Tell the rabble to be quiet, we anticipate a riot.This common crowd, it's much too loud.Tell the mob who sing your song that they were fooled and that they were wrong.They are a curse. They should disperse.

CROWD:
Obama, Hey Bama, Bama, Bama, O-bama,Hey bama, O-bama,In DC, DC Barack, you're all right by me,Bama, Bama, O-bama Hey Superstar!

BARACK:
Why waste your breath moaning at the crowd?Nothing can be done to stop the pleading.If every tongue were still the need would still continue.The rocks and stones themselves would start to beg!

CROWD and Barack:
Obama Hey Bama, Bama, Bama, O-bamaHey Bama, O-bama,In DC, DC won't you fight for me?Bama O-bama Hey Superstar

BARACK:
Sing me your songs,But not for me alone.Sing them for yourselves,For you are needy.There is not one of you who will not get a bailout.The slow, the suffering,The quick, the liberal, the dense...

CROWD and BARACK:
Obama Hey Bama Bama Bama O-bamaHey Bama O-bamaCROWD (alone):
In DC, DC won't you send some checks to me?Bama O-bama Hey Superstar!

(Repeat as necessary)

I feel so much better now.

p.s.: I hope President Obama succeeds over the next four years. Because if HE doesn't... odds are pretty good that our country will have some additional challenges that we don't have today.

Q: "What's the best way to get out of a hole?"

A: "Put down the shovel."

You cannot TAX a country into prosperity, okay? President Bush forgot this, but I'm sure that the Democratic leadership never knew this.

If a company is mis-managed, or is making products which no one wants to buy... let it fail. Don't use taxpayer dollars to prolong the failure (pain). A stronger company will come in to take it's place.

And all of you folks who hated President Bush and couldn't wait for him to be gone...

You've got the House, Senate, and White House, now - LEAD.

We'll be watching.

Good luck America!

Good luck President Obama!

Good luck Bossie!

Friday, January 9, 2009

You Got Me, Under Your Skin

It's one thing to be really 'cheesed-off' at someone. It's quite another thing to create a media circus to get back at your wife of fifteen years because she won't let you see the kids regularly.

Richard Batista, MD has sued his wife for custody. This by itself is NOT a new concept. It happens every day (sigh). The 'uniqueness' of this particular request is that Richard wants custody of his ex-wife's kidney.

Yup, you read that correctly: He WANTS his kidney back from his ex-wife. Turns out that in 2001 Doctor Batista was identified as a near-perfect match to be a donor for his wife who would die without a kidney transplant. She already had two unsuccessful transplants, but her hubby's kidney -- well, "Third time's the charm!"

What a wonderful story! The loving husband saves his wife's life by giving her part of his body... Oh, my, how... How magical!

Please excuse me while I have a few moments alone...

Moment

Moment

Moment

Gee, thanks...

Well, like every 'magical' Disney story, there has to be something else going on here, right? Something to add to the story-line perhaps? Consider Disney's uncomfortable penchant for KILLING the Mom or Dad within the first eight minutes of the film to add a little background 'color' to the story. Yes, there is more here too - much more.

According to the doctor, his wife took the kidney and cheated on him with it for several YEARS. Hold on, that's not quite right - she didn't 'cheat on him WITH the kidney' (that would be SICK).
What she did was she took the kidney with her while she was cheating on her husband with another 'spleen'. No, no, no, I mean she cheated on him with another man who HAD a spleen of his own.

According to Doctor Batista, his wife 'cheated on him for several years. All the while, Dawnell's husband's kidney was in her shouting, "No, no! Don't do it Dawnell! Be strong, listen to me, I am your husband's kidney! I am the lone voice of reason screaming in here! Don't do this or he'll take me back! Just ME, but not you!"

Dawnell did not listen to that distant, inner voice. She made 'bad choices' (allegedly). Now her husband wants his kidney back. To be more precise, he wants EITHER the kidney back or $1.5 Million in compensation (I'm assuming this is for pain and suffering of his organ).

Well enough of that, you can always find out what is really going on by following the money. It's a shame that the doctor had to attack her internal organs to get his fifteen minutes of fame. This story is all over the news today. When the news is over, we'll still have one un-happy guy, and one un-happy woman. Not really news at all, but Americans love a spectacle. And this one, well, it is most certainly a spectacle.

By way of comparison, all my wife ever wanted from me was an 'arm and a leg'. This explains why I type slowly and why, if I were an Oriental woman with one leg... I would be named, 'Irene'. (You'll need to think about that for a moment.) Send me a note if you don't get it...

Does the lawsuit have any chance of succeeding in court? According to legal experts (people in the break room)... No, no chance at all. But hey, that's what makes it fun. The doctor wants $1.5 Million from his ex-wife, bottom line.

In an un-related story Barack Obama wants us to let him spend another $700 Billion of our money for a stimulus package -- to, ah, give back to us. All things considered, I'd rather give him a kidney. Things keep going the way they are in government, I may end up selling my internal organs to pay this year's tax bills.

As for my other major internal organs, no one can have my heart - because it belongs to my wife... Whoa, another magical moment! Now I only have eight minutes to live...

I'd write more now but my leg stump is itching and it's on the same side as my missing arm. And, as stated in the prior paragraph, time is short. Very short...

Saturday, January 3, 2009

A Very Bad Man

You've seen the ad where the guy gets a second Lexus for FREE because he used his Visa Card? Well, somebody took a little liberty with the premise and came up with the following:

video

This is just wrong. Funny, but wrong...

Friday, January 2, 2009

We Now Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Economic Downturn

Do you know the worst thing about waking up at 5:20am on a day when the kids don't have to go to school, you're wife's in FLORIDA on a band trip, and you didn't HAVE to be awake until 7:00am?

The worst thing is that you lay in bed hoping that you'll get back to sleep, but deep down, you know you never will.

Since I was up, I decided to... You guessed it, spend a few minutes on the Internet and do some reading. I was thinking this would relax me. Yeah, right...

I came across an article which put forth a most amazing proposition: "Can the Media Be Held Liable For the Worsening Economic Crisis?" You can find the article by clicking the link highlighted above.

According to a recent survey, most (77%) of Americans believe that: "The financial press is making the economic crisis worse by projecting fear into people's minds." And this belief is consistent across many 'socio-economic' backgrounds (see Mom, I did pay attention in college).

Attorney Richard L. Scheff, believes that, "Although statements by the media are protected by the First Amendment, the survey results demonstrate that the public believes that the press bears some responsibility for the lack of confidence in the economy."

I'm not sure of who exactly the "Financial Press" is... But they've been put on notice. No more tales of financial woe, economic collapse, runs on the bank (and you, Chuck Schumer, YOU keep your trap shut), bail-out fever (we've got to bail out _________ TODAY), etc...

You guys just be quiet and play nice or Richard L. Scheff in Pennsylvania is going to sue you, ALL of you, for ALL of us. And he's apparently, 'ticked'.

It's a new year. It will be a new administration soon enough. You professional (paid) 'news guys and gals'...

Get with the program and repeat after me:

"Everything's okay, we're seeing signs of a strengthening economy"

"Market indicators are UP" (feel free to exchange the phrase 'WAY UP' if you're feeling particularly giddy)

"Oil prices are down"

"The Big Three US Auto Makers are showing surprising signs of resiliency in this challenging market environment"

"The dollar is gaining strength against other international currencies"

"Consumers are re-gaining confidence in the economy every day"

"Congress continues to trim its budget as they move rapidly towards fiscal responsibility" (Okay, that last one is NEVER going to happen, but if you're going to make stuff up, might as well make them 'Whoppers')

Go ahead, now say it, print it, broadcast it, and believe it. Suck it up for the sake of America. Do the right thing. It's easy.

Just do it now... Okay?

You folks got the candidate you wanted elected, now let's build him up as thoroughly as you tore his predecessor, and his Presidential opponent down.

Now get going.

Seriously, not kidding.

Thanks.